dreamer0123 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Hey everyone, My ex and I (of 3 years) broke up about 5.5 months ago and it was really hard on the both of us. Initially I went NC but he would contact me so it was more LC (we touched base every 3 weeks ago). The reason we broke up was due to intimacy issues (on my part) and me wanting a commitment (his part). Well lately I've been really upset because our birthdays are coming up..and I couldn't go NC any more... so last night I called him. We chatted for a long time mostly about our relationship because I had asked him if he thought we tried hard enough.. and he pretty much said we did and that things didn't work out because they were not meant to be. He feels that we don't make each other happy anymore and things this is for the best... he didn't to blame me for anything.. and with him- he is quite stubborn- so once his mind is made up- then that's what it is... To be honest..I still thing he is wrong. I believe he gave up too easily but at the same time I realize I can't control his actions. I'm disappointed but needless to say I"m glad I know now .. for a 100% that things are "over" and there isn't a change of reconciliation (although I wish there still was but it takes two to make it work). I think I may have asked about reconciliation too early... and it took a long time for him to do what he did (we had issues throughout our relationship) but I also believe life is too short... and it was just something I needed to hear from him. There were no tears when we spoke (surprisingly) but still I am on limited sleep with that "sick" feeling in my stomach. So- LSers... it's really over isn't it?
nmillar87 Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Sounds like he's closed the door on your relationship. The contact may be the reason its been hard for you to move on. I would cut him out of your life, keep busy and look to the future. It sounds like holding on to hope with him will just bring more pain.
Author dreamer0123 Posted April 1, 2010 Author Posted April 1, 2010 It's just the challenge of accepting it's over.... Is it evil that a part of me really wants him to feel pain and realize what he lost???
Rearden Metal Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 It's just the challenge of accepting it's over.... Is it evil that a part of me really wants him to feel pain and realize what he lost??? You just want him to empathize with you. Yeah, that's normal. It's good you had the conversation. Just give yourself however much time you need to move on. Before you know it, you will have...
goatee Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 hey this is a recurring theme. Why do women want the guy to feel bad that it is over? I've been accused of not being sad after breaking up. "you didn't try hard enough" "you never loved me" among other things. when it is over, it is over!
paleblue Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 (edited) dreamer. i am sorry. but from what you have written it sounds like its the end of the old and the beginning of a new life for you both. when you hear someone saying... " he pretty much said we did and that things didn't work out because they were not meant to be. He feels that we don't make each other happy anymore and things this is for the best..." ...you can pretty much take it to heart. i am sorry girl its not sounding so good. yes, it is a challenge accpting its over. it is a huge challenge. its probably harder than actually being in the relationship. no you are not evil for feeling that way. dont even think that you are evil because you are not. you want some advice?? now that he has told you this.. cut out the LC. easier said than done.. i know from personal experience. 3 years is a long time... so i know cutting out the contact is probably not going to happen, but just realize you are only going to prolong YOUR agony by staying in LC. your very own internal personal hell will be extended and you will not be able to heal from this pain by staying on contact. because when you do stay in contact you re kindle hope every single time. and it just drags it out. Edited April 2, 2010 by paleblue
Author dreamer0123 Posted April 6, 2010 Author Posted April 6, 2010 I definitely think I was in denial earlier and needed to have that conversation in order to accept it's over. I took a vacation last weekend for my birthday and honestly- it was a best thing I could have ever done. I feel really good and realize that I don't want someone like that in my life. He did text me to wish me a Happy Birthday but it didn't really affect me as much as I thought it would...which makes me happy.
Author dreamer0123 Posted April 6, 2010 Author Posted April 6, 2010 hey this is a recurring theme. Why do women want the guy to feel bad that it is over? I've been accused of not being sad after breaking up. "you didn't try hard enough" "you never loved me" among other things. when it is over, it is over! I don't want him to feel bad that it's over.. I just want him to realize what he lost... that's all.
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