Friend's GF cheated on him...with me (really long)

[not_anymore]

Deservedly so, I feel like a complete and utter d-bag. He wasn't my best friend, by any means, but I've known and hung out with the guy for almost 3 years now. He and his GF started dating about two weeks after I got back from a trip abroad. Before they went 'official,' she told me that she thought I was hot and that she'd miss foolin' around with me. I told her to back off. I was sober at the time.

 

Fast-forward about 4 months, and this girl (whom none of our group of friends really likes, at this point) has been flirting with and hitting on a few other guys at parties (we're all in college). We all know she's a skank, but she's her boyfriend's first girlfriend (he was 20 when they started dating, she was 23), so he isn't believing any of it. Anyway, back to the fast-forward, this girl, me, and two other buds go out to a couple bars and I got completely trashed. I don't even remember the last half of the night. But I do remember, before I was totally gone, that this guy's GF was flirting with me and tellin' me she wanted to dance. I wasn't into her, so I trusted myself around her. Mistake #1. Come to find out the next morning, after waking up on my floor, that she pulled me on to the dance floor and started making out with me. Right in front of another friend of ours.

 

So I feel like a complete d-bag, and I can't even look my friend in the eye. I didn't want to tell him because I knew how bad he'd be torn up, given all the stuff about this being his first real GF. I just wanted to leave it behind. Hell I still don't remember it. But his GF told him about 2 months later. Said that she wanted to be honest. I can understand. He and I had a talk, I apologized from the bottom of my heart, and said that I don't know how it happened. And we basically got back to normal after a month or so.

 

Now this year. Ever since that first thing happened, I've been making a conscious effort to stay away from this girl. She still flirts when she gets drunk, but I just walk away (even drunk). But last weekend, my friend had to get up early to go to something, and his GF wanted to go to this frat party with other friends. I went to hang out with other friends, but I agreed to give her a ride there and back so she didn't have to find a ride at 3 in the morning. I pick her up, and she (not drunk) starts takin' her clothes off half-way down the street and grabbing at me. I'm more or less flabbergasted, and we hook up...again.

 

So now, I've screwed over someone close enough to me for it to matter yet again. His GF told him about this the next morning, and he said that he didn't blame me for what had happened. The only reason I can think of, is that the previous time, he mentioned that he probably would've done the same thing given the circumstances. All he said was that it'd be easier for him if he didn't have to see me for awhile. He's still with her, and will be, as far as I know.

 

My friend (well he's not really, anymore, I guess) wasn't someone that I'd considered keeping in touch with after we part ways once college is over, but that doesn't give me an excuse to basically be a home-wrecker. I've gone through all of the BS excuses like 'She was gonna cheat anyway, might as well be me' and 'It's on her to be faithful' yada, yada. And while she certainly was going to cheat anyway (heard from other friends that she actually came on to another friend of ours in between our hookups), I should've had more self-control. All I know is that I've unintentionally hurt someone who, in no way, deserved it. And now I have to live with it. Anyone have any experience in these matters? (Not looking for a shoulder to cry on, just wanted to get this off my chest.)

 

CLIFFS: Friend's GF cheated on him with me twice (once was drunk, once not). I'm a jerk. Advice?

[Space Ritual]

It does not matter whether you were drunk or not, you are just a loser and a this girl is a skank.

 

You are about as selfish as they come.

 

 

And you have the Audacity to provide Cliffs?

 

If I was your "friend" Id have kicked your ass so bad your dead relatives would have felt it.

Grow up and get a life, you deserve nothing but contempt. And so does the little piece of garbage you boned

Have a nice life as Facilty Appearance Consultant i.e. JANITOR! LMAO!

[not_anymore]

It does not matter whether you were drunk or not, you are just a loser and a this girl is a skank.

 

You are about as selfish as they come.

 

 

And you have the Audacity to provide Cliffs?

 

If I was your "friend" Id have kicked your ass so bad your dead relatives would have felt it.

Grow up and get a life, you deserve nothing but contempt. And so does the little piece of garbage you boned

Have a nice life as Facilty Appearance Consultant i.e. JANITOR! LMAO!

 

I'm not quite sure how my providing Cliffs shows that I'm audacious, but yes, I deserve to have my ass kicked. It was a selfish, selfish thing to do. All I can really do now is change my attitude for the better so I never hurt anyone like this again.

[lordWilhelm]

Why exactly did you hook up the second time? You weren't drunk and you don't even like her...

[Disintegration]

I find it strange that you allowed yourself to be put in that situation a second time. I know it must be hard on a guy to resist advances from an easy girl practically throwing herself at you but that was your friends girl and you didn't have the "excuse" this time that you were drinking.

 

If I were you I would just confess to your friend about what really went on. He most likely will be crushed but he deserves better than that.

 

Maybe next time you shouldn't put yourself in a vulnerable position like that.

[not_anymore]

lordWilhelm: I've been thinking about this, and it just came down to a lack of self-control. Something I need to work on in other areas of my life, too.

 

I find it strange that you allowed yourself to be put in that situation a second time. I know it must be hard on a guy to resist advances from an easy girl practically throwing herself at you but that was your friends girl and you didn't have the "excuse" this time that you were drinking.

 

If I were you I would just confess to your friend about what really went on. He most likely will be crushed but he deserves better than that.

 

Maybe next time you shouldn't put yourself in a vulnerable position like that.

 

I thought I could handle being in the vulnerable situation again. I just couldn't resist temptation, I guess, because I have a weak constitution right now. Since hindsight is 20/20, I can see that it was stupid of me to even agree to give her a ride home. And I would like to explain myself to the guy, but he doesn't want to see me for awhile. Hopefully, I can talk to him face to face before we graduate.

 

And I am going to try my hardest to not put myself in positions in which I shouldn't be.

[McGrupp]

what!

 

the people condemning you have obviously been cheated on.

 

so...your not a douche.

 

she is in the wrong. he (the bf) is in the wrong b/c he has no boundaries with the girl and keeps taking her back.

 

you probably shouldn't be putting yourself in these situations if it tears you up, but she sounds like a whore that shouldn't have a bf anyway..so i wouldnt worry.

 

if it wasnt you it wouldve been someone else. dudes a pussy. girls a slut. just move on and try not to worry about and avoid them both. they both sound like losers.

[Rearden Metal]

IMO you all sound like a bunch of **** for brains. If I were the boyfriend, I'd break your jaw. If I were you, I'd man up and apologize to your lily livered buddy, and if I was that slut, I'd bang much cooler guys than you two.

[amerikajin]

I think you're obviously in the wrong, but it's not like your friend is clueless about what kind of girl he's dating. I think he's a guy who doesn't seem to have a lot of confidence and just hangs on to this girl because he thinks that's all he can get. The girl, meanwhile, uses him but uses other guys to get her sexual fixes once in a while, and looks like you were one of those fixes.

 

It looks like this is typical of the college-age dating scene. Lots of hormones and not a lot of sense. It looks like none of you take dating too seriously. Not sure what to say about it.

[Bryanp]

I think you need to man up and tell this guy. If the roles were reversed wouldn't you want to know? It is the least you can do.

[not_anymore]

He already knows about everything that happened. He and I already talked and I apologized like a madman. This was just the other day.

[Bryanp]

Glad to hear it. You manned up and did the right thing. I am just curious but is your friend going to dump her?

[not_anymore]

Glad to hear it. You manned up and did the right thing. I am just curious but is your friend going to dump her?

 

Not to my knowledge. Like amerikajin said, he's likely hangin' on to her because he thinks she's all he can get. He takes her to expensive dinners, etc. I don't know how long it'll be before he does that again, but he treats her too well. Other friends have noticed it, too.

 

And thanks for the words of wisdom, everyone.

[Dexter Morgan]

CLIFFS: Friend's GF cheated on him with me twice (once was drunk, once not). I'm a jerk. Advice?

 

 

yes. tell him the truth, then leave accepting full well that your friendship might be over. afterall, if he is such an insignificant piece of crap to you as a supposed "friend" that you'd do this to him......TWICE no less, then he'd do better to not have you as a friend.

 

if you truly felt bad, and still considered him a friend, you'd tell him.

[Dexter Morgan]

what!

 

the people condemning you have obviously been cheated on.

 

so...your not a douche.

 

if a guy friend of yours comes up and says, "hey, I effed your girlfriend, but don't be mad, I'm not a douche for it"......just smile and say,

"its ok.....I can share her with you":o

 

let me ask you this McGrupp, would you consider a guy a good friend if he effs your girlfriend?

[Dexter Morgan]

He already knows about everything that happened. He and I already talked and I apologized like a madman. This was just the other day.

 

glad to hear you manned up.

 

so did he take the bros before hos attitude and told you it was all good?

[not_anymore]

glad to hear you manned up.

 

so did he take the bros before hos attitude and told you it was all good?

 

Definitely not all good, but he's not trying to slash my tires or anything (pretty sure he'd never come at me physically). But he did say that he doesn't blame me completely or anything. Just said he wanted me to leave him be for awhile. I'm obliging.

[amerikajin]

Definitely not all good, but he's not trying to slash my tires or anything (pretty sure he'd never come at me physically). But he did say that he doesn't blame me completely or anything. Just said he wanted me to leave him be for awhile. I'm obliging.

 

Not trying to scare you or anything, but don't assume it's all good. He might not deal with this kind of stuff directly like you do; maybe he's just waiting for the right time to give you the payback. It might seem like a "b*tchman" way to deal with things, but some people are just like that.

[not_anymore]

Not trying to scare you or anything, but don't assume it's all good. He might not deal with this kind of stuff directly like you do; maybe he's just waiting for the right time to give you the payback. It might seem like a "b*tchman" way to deal with things, but some people are just like that.

 

Yeah, that's a good point. Hadn't thought of that. He's not really known for being passive aggressive or anything, but maybe this set him off. In fact, the only real time I've seen him get angry enough to get physical with me was when he was tryin' to horse around with me and I wasn't havin' it.

[Dexter Morgan]

Definitely not all good, but he's not trying to slash my tires or anything (pretty sure he'd never come at me physically). But he did say that he doesn't blame me completely or anything.

 

well, you are not blameless whatsoever, but the burden of blame lies with his worthless girlfriend.