tnttim Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Yes it matters, too much of something is never good. Sex is supposed to be spontaneous and a little different every time. You start leaning towards one area you naturally are taking away from another. Variety is the spice of life (I hate cliches) but how true is this one. The addition that needs to be made is that, doing something different all the time is the same as doing the same thing.
del88 Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 I understand exactly how you feel. If your partner never initiates you can end up feeling down even if you are having a lot of sex. I would talk with him, sounds like you have a pretty solid relationship, and if he knows this is bothering you and you explain what you need, I'm sure he'll change.
NoIDidn't Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Interesting answers. For men, its obvious it matters, for women, its not as much of a deal, that definately could cause a problem. CCL, I don't know how old you are, but my wife could have written the same post 20 years ago. After many years of marriage and two kids in early teens, our relationship has changed, which I accept is normal. From a male's perspective, I believe Jeff and Linwood are right. I think the female answers are rationalizations they have created in their minds to justify why they don't initiate, which their hubby's in all likelihood would not agree with, or are written by people, like yourself, who admittedly dont have the perspective of being in that kind of relationship. Never initiating is, in my mind, a lesser variant of the spouse who constantly rejects the other's romantic advances. I would admit its not nearly as hurtful, but any kind of rejection in the romantic sphere of life is going to raise doubts in the back of your mind about whether your spouse really loves you when all they do is mouth the words. XXOO and I are the only women (that I know are women) that responded i the first page of this thread. I said it mattered about initiating and she said it didn't. Where did the majority of women opinion come from when we only had two and they differed? LOL. I guess you are talking about the men that responded that their wives don't really initiate anymore. IDK. LOL Either way, I think it matters. I am the higher libido partner in my marriage. Always have been and likely always will be. My H outright rejected my advances. He was always busy doing something else, something more important. He regrets it now as it set a pattern in our R that's not that easy to take back. He goes through his periods of wanting more, to wanting none at all. But at least he no longer rejects my advances unless he is dog tired. I do agree with whoever said being on the receiving end of desire is a big ego stroker. His rejection of my advances really did a number on my self-esteem for a while. Only a while though. When I realized what was happenning, I put him on notice. I let him know that I was not going to sit around and wait for him to notice me, and that I was not a light switch. Initiating sex in a marriage (or other long-term relationship) is an ever-evolving dynamic though. There are many times now that I initiate it earlier in the day/week and don't have the energy or time to act on that offer for a couple of days. And by then, he's taken the opportunity to initiate a couple of times too. We have a house full of kids now, so the opportunities to follow through are greatly reduced.
Author crazycatlady Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 XXOO and I are the only women (that I know are women) that responded i the first page of this thread. I said it mattered about initiating and she said it didn't. Where did the majority of women opinion come from when we only had two and they differed? LOL. I guess you are talking about the men that responded that their wives don't really initiate anymore. IDK. LOL Either way, I think it matters. I am the higher libido partner in my marriage. Always have been and likely always will be. My H outright rejected my advances. He was always busy doing something else, something more important. He regrets it now as it set a pattern in our R that's not that easy to take back. He goes through his periods of wanting more, to wanting none at all. But at least he no longer rejects my advances unless he is dog tired. I do agree with whoever said being on the receiving end of desire is a big ego stroker. His rejection of my advances really did a number on my self-esteem for a while. Only a while though. When I realized what was happenning, I put him on notice. I let him know that I was not going to sit around and wait for him to notice me, and that I was not a light switch. Initiating sex in a marriage (or other long-term relationship) is an ever-evolving dynamic though. There are many times now that I initiate it earlier in the day/week and don't have the energy or time to act on that offer for a couple of days. And by then, he's taken the opportunity to initiate a couple of times too. We have a house full of kids now, so the opportunities to follow through are greatly reduced. NiD - I think when i responded I was reading it as you were the guy...I don't know now. Personally we tend to split it, but I never would have thought it was important who started it. I know that I currently have the higher drive, and so I initiate most of the time, also because I tend to get the bed ready at night and one of our cues is the great wall of pillows between us being missing. Plus I'm always groping and grabbing him at night. I don't give him a lot of time to initiate. Which is also a point I wanted to bring up and forgot. What happens when the more aggressive person doesn't give the other partner enough time to be the initiator? CCL
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