HURT LOVER Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I got involved with marry woman back in 97 I was 23 she was 28 she was married 9 yrs at that time also had two young boys. We were together from 97 to 2000. I left Florida and went back to NYC. We spent so much our of time together. She spented nights at my place. We both fell in love with one another. I know I should have walked away at the begin, but I didn't. I got deeper involved with her. Now once I moved back to NYC we still kept in contact with each other. I saw once in 2002 we got together then as well. She kept telling me she wanted to leave but she was scared. Now I moved back Florida in 2008 I saw her now she is married 22 yrs into the marriage her boys are young men now. We hooked back up like we never was apart. Now I'm 37 and she is 42. Now I have to admit that it felt good being back with her. The love never went any where. I constantly think about her wanting her in my life. She said she loved me and wanted to be with me. Also that she was not in love with her husband but she did love him. She kept going back in forth sometime where she really want to be. I told figure out where you want to be. Then out of the blue bam I don't want this anymore do you. I don't love you WTF not even a week ago I love you, I want you in my life. I felt used and stepped on. Now she wanted her space. I mean didn't know how to take that. I was so pissed at her the very secret that I kept for 12 yrs I let go. I sent a letter to her husband telling him how long we were together off and on for 12 yrs of their 22 yr marriage. I know I messed up I shouldn't have sent that letter to him . 8 months later she still calls me why we talk I don't know why. Our conversations are no where like they use to be. She saids she's extremely angery with me. We can never be what we once where. But for what ever reason the feelings are still there. I do know I need to stay away from her. Now that her marriage is a little messed up she blames me for that. Because it was the way it was done . But she still loves me just does want to be with me now. Why still love a woman like this? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 She is responsible for her messed up marriage. You are responsible for the part you played in the A. How do you feel now? 12 years for what? Do you think you were the only one she was with during that time? Do you think what you helped her do to her H and children were worth it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HURT LOVER Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 Actually I've been single . It funny when I was involved with someone else she actually got mad about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HURT LOVER Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 I think her marriage being "a little messed up" is probably an understatement. So are you married now, or have you stayed single hoping for her to come around? I know it is hard, but unless you want to continue being her man on the side, you might need to let her go. She doesn't sound to me like she is ready to leave her husband. Actually I've been single . It funny when I was involved with someone else she actually got mad about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HURT LOVER Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 She is responsible for her messed up marriage. You are responsible for the part you played in the A. How do you feel now? 12 years for what? Do you think you were the only one she was with during that time? Do you think what you helped her do to her H and children were worth it? My grammer was off in the story. I meant to say that she was angry with me because it wasn't how she wanted things done. I don't feel good about what I did. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 My grammer was off in the story. I meant to say that she was angry with me because it wasn't how she wanted things done. I don't feel good about what I did. I understood what you meant. I guess I would say who gives a damn about how she wanted things? She has disrespected her H for 12 years, it is time she doesn't get her way. She has no right to be angry at anyone other than herself. When she is pissed she should look in the mirror at the person who set the whole of events into motion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HURT LOVER Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 I understood what you meant. I guess I would say who gives a damn about how she wanted things? She has disrespected her H for 12 years, it is time she doesn't get her way. She has no right to be angry at anyone other than herself. When she is pissed she should look in the mirror at the person who set the whole of events into motion. Well please tell me why I feel so messed up in this whole thing? She still on my mind. Why continue to call me if your done with me ? That I don't understand. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 She continues to call you and toy with your feelings because you allow her to. Stop allowing her to do that. Stop contacting her. Stop accepting her calls. Find new things to fill your life. Your "friend" is not going to change. Only you can. Bingo! Change your number, block her emails and text and decide you will no longer be a part of the madness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HURT LOVER Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 Bingo! Change your number, block her emails and text and decide you will no longer be a part of the madness. I do understand what your saying. I guess a little part of me was still hoping that she would be with me. My best friend who is a female saids once her husband divorces her she will be knocking on my door again. I need not to answer. I really don't think he going to leave her after 22 yrs of marriage. He will just deal with knowing his wife cheated on him for 12 yrs. I just don't like how she saids, I have to deal with decision I made. Hell what about the jerking me around all the pillow talk I fell for. I got sucker really good. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I do understand what your saying. I guess a little part of me was still hoping that she would be with me. My best friend who is a female saids once her husband divorces her she will be knocking on my door again. I need not to answer. I really don't think he going to leave her after 22 yrs of marriage. He will just deal with knowing his wife cheated on him for 12 yrs. I just don't like how she saids, I have to deal with decision I made. Hell what about the jerking me around all the pillow talk I fell for. I got sucker really good. Didn't you know she was married? So how did you get jerked around? She was lying to her H while cheating with you. She showed you her true character every time she was with and everytime she lied(out right or by omission) to be with you. If you put the blinders on and the ear plugs in, that's all on you. Not her. She was being who she was a lying, cheating, manipulative person. If you feel she was jerking you around, remember you gave her the string. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HURT LOVER Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 Didn't you know she was married? So how did you get jerked around? She was lying to her H while cheating with you. She showed you her true character every time she was with and everytime she lied(out right or by omission) to be with you. If you put the blinders on and the ear plugs in, that's all on you. Not her. She was being who she was a lying, cheating, manipulative person. If you feel she was jerking you around, remember you gave her the string. Your right also I did know she was married. I just fell for the I love so much, I want to be with you. I would have done anything for her. My feelings of love for her were truely real. But she knew where my emotions where going she never pulled back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HURT LOVER Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 And why would she? Again, she did it because you allowed her to. Stop allowing it. You are right, IF her husband divorces her, (which I highly doubt) she will come back to you. You are her backup plan. Always have been. It's up to you to turn her away. Find someone single without the baggage who will treat you with honesty and respect. And you treat them with honesty and respect in return. I get it I really do . Being that she cheated so long on him .why would he stay? Their boys are 22 and 18 ,They have a nice size house in Florida which he also makes the most money. She works also but does not make as much as he does. But she makes good money never the lesss. She allowed me to learn so much about her life. I just wonder about all of this that's all. I even met her kids when they were young a few times. This love thing is very dangerous. I don't know being without it might not be so bad.This woman is still heavy on my mind months later after the letter was sented in Sept. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HURT LOVER Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 I don't know about you, but I think to have true long lasting love, there must be honesty and respect. This is not what occurred in your relationship, but can occur with someone else. Your right and relationship should based on honesty and respect. I just can't shake what I'm feeling for her to be honest right now. Also this sucks really bad for me. Because I feel while I have a broken heart,I'm alone. She's telling him she never loved me begging him for his forgivness. Her life goes on her bed is warm and cozy I'm still alone. I know it's bad. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 You are 37, you have been playing this game with her for a long time. You will NEVER be NUMBER ONE with this woman, her own husband isn't. She has no respect for herself or anyone else in her life. Go NC and get some independent counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HURT LOVER Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 You are 37, you have been playing this game with her for a long time. You will NEVER be NUMBER ONE with this woman, her own husband isn't. She has no respect for herself or anyone else in her life. Go NC and get some independent counseling. Your right, but it's hard moving on. Something that felt so good, damn how the hell is it so wrong. I guess her husband is number one now. He's goes the house has to go. I don't think she's ready for that. She's never been on her before. Mom's put her out when she was 17 she went right to him. They were married she was about 18 starting kids right after. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HURT LOVER Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 First, you have to take her off the pedestal you've put her on. She's no saint. She threw you under the bus by telling her H you meant nothing. She's only wanted you to meet her needs, she's cared nothing about yours. She is not the person you think you are in love with. I doubt her husband is #1. SHE is #1. Period. Find someone who will make YOU #1. I have to admit your right and I'm starting to see things in a different light. Still doesn't make the pain easier. I guess I was living in my own dream wanting her to stay with me. I guess her marriage ain't pretty no more. But I know I have stand trial on judgement day for contributing to the down fall of her marriage. Part me wanted reverge is that wrong for feeling that way? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts