Tamia78 Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 You know, I read through countless threads (and have started and contributed to some myself) about break ups, and some of our exes are pretty bad. Actually, most of the people on here, including me, describe some despicable people. It makes me wonder, are there any decent people out there? I'm not saying those of us who are dumpees are not decent, but because we let our loved ones take advantage of us, they've kinda left us emotionally damaged. As it stands right now, I don't feel like I can totally give my whole heart to someone because I'm still a bit hung up on my ex. So, if I am distant or break up with someone because I can't emotionally connect to them...................they might actually end up on here, ranting about how cold I was to them (or am I flattering myself? :-) ), or something to that effect. Are there any truly un-damaged people out there in the world? And if so, where are they? --T
skydiveaddict Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Are there any truly un-damaged people out there in the world? And if so, where are they? --T I for one am damaged goods, but there must be some out there who are not
Author Tamia78 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 Not over in my neck of the woods LOL Yeah, here either I for one am damaged goods, but there must be some out there who are not I would definitely count myself among the damaged goods too. Maybe the ones who aren't just haven't met the right person yet? I wonder if everyone is damaged in some way, shape or form? --T
skydiveaddict Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Yeah, here either I would definitely count myself among the damaged goods too. Maybe the ones who aren't just haven't met the right person yet? I wonder if everyone is damaged in some way, shape or form? --T you're right. maybe the "undamaged" person just hasnt met the "right" (or perhaps wrong) person yet but once you have had your heart smashed to bits, I think those scars remain forever
spriggig Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Will I be able to trust the next one? Or, will I overcompensate and trust too much--deny the red-flags? Will I pick the same person again and do all this over again? Have I really learned anything, or am I fooling myself? All I know for sure is that I'm running around to get back in line.
skydiveaddict Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Will I be able to trust the next one? Or, will I overcompensate and trust too much--deny the red-flags? Will I pick the same person again and do all this over again? Have I really learned anything, or am I fooling myself? All I know for sure is that I'm running around to get back in line. all good questions my friend. but I dont know the answer to any of them. as for me , I'm over and done w/relationships
now_what Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Well I got dumped after 30 years of marriage, but I certainly don't consider myself damaged goods. Sure, I've been mad, sad, pissed off, frustrated, ranting, raving, crying, screaming, etc., but there is nothing wrong with me, my ex had the problem. I don't think if the opportunity for another relationship presented itself I would be affected too much by what happened in the past. My ex just lost his mind - pure and simple.
skydiveaddict Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Well I got dumped after 30 years of marriage, but I certainly don't consider myself damaged goods. Sure, I've been mad, sad, pissed off, frustrated, ranting, raving, crying, screaming, etc., but there is nothing wrong with me, my ex had the problem. I don't think if the opportunity for another relationship presented itself I would be affected too much by what happened in the past. My ex just lost his mind - pure and simple. after 30 years he left? my God that is horrible. you're tougher than me that's for sure
LovelyDaze Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Damaged, but definitely smarter. The heart can be naive because it wants so much to believe in true, everlasting love. We all go into relationships with ZERO guarantees. Just like the LS member 'now what', she was in a 30 year marriage and it ended. There are hundreds and hundreds of stories like ours out there where the rug was ripped under our feet, forcing us to face the reality that the ones we loved were not 100% on board with the idea of forever.
Author Tamia78 Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 Will I be able to trust the next one? Or, will I overcompensate and trust too much--deny the red-flags? Will I pick the same person again and do all this over again? Have I really learned anything, or am I fooling myself? All I know for sure is that I'm running around to get back in line. I like the "running back in line" analogy. Great questions........and now something ELSE I will have to think (obsess) about, lol. Sky- I've heard alot of people say that they're done with relationships.....don't give up just yet. Now- I can relate to your post, and it's awesome that you didn't get affected by all this. I only wish I was as strong as you. Why do some people affect us more than others, anyways? And I wasn't even married, so I can't imagine how you must feel. --T
skydiveaddict Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Sky- I've heard alot of people say that they're done with relationships.....don't give up just yet. --T I mean it.. I'm done . no one's ever doing that to me again
now_what Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 after 30 years he left? my God that is horrible. you're tougher than me that's for sure Yep, he left after 30 years. He sent me an email at work telling me he had moved out of the house, leaving me and our then 15 year old daughter. He left me for an old biker chick who he married the month after our dissolution was final. Nice huh. Today is the one year anniversary of our dissolution. I think everyone can be as tough as they need to be.
skydiveaddict Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Yep, he left after 30 years. He sent me an email at work telling me he had moved out of the house, leaving me and our then 15 year old daughter. He left me for an old biker chick who he married the month after our dissolution was final. Nice huh. Today is the one year anniversary of our dissolution. I think everyone can be as tough as they need to be. No,I disagree. you are an incredible person for going through this. not many could do it
GrayClouds Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 (edited) Are there any truly un-damaged people out there in the world? And if so, where are they? --T It is a bumpy ride on the apple cart and to expect no bruising is silly. Everyone has something that could be considered damaged. So the question is not is there any truly undamaged people out there but is there people out there who see their issues, trying to understand them, refuse to give into them and working to keep their issues from holding themselves back. It is that damage that makes us human, offers the ability to empathize, to appreciate others struggles as well as their strengths. Because perfect needs nothing more, imperfection is where love lives. Edited March 31, 2010 by GrayClouds
now_what Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 No,I disagree. you are an incredible person for going through this. not many could do it Thank you very much skydiveaddict. I appreciate the support.
skydiveaddict Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Thank you very much skydiveaddict. I appreciate the support. It's just the truth
skydiveaddict Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 It is a bumpy ride on the apple cart and to expect no bruising is silly. Yes, but sometimes the apple gets bounced off the cart, smashed underfoot and the damage is real, permanent and irrepairable
Author Tamia78 Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 Damaged, but definitely smarter. The heart can be naive because it wants so much to believe in true, everlasting love. We all go into relationships with ZERO guarantees. Just like the LS member 'now what', she was in a 30 year marriage and it ended. There are hundreds and hundreds of stories like ours out there where the rug was ripped under our feet, forcing us to face the reality that the ones we loved were not 100% on board with the idea of forever. I like this too. But then again, the people who hurt us went through hurt themselves at some point in their lives, so when does it really end? I guess it never does. It is a bumpy ride on the apple cart and to expect no bruising is silly. Everyone has something that could be considered damaged. So the question is not is there any truly undamaged people out there but is there people out there who see their issues, trying to understand them, refuse to give into them and working to keep their issues from holding themselves back. It is that damage that makes us human, offers the ability to empathize, to appreciate others struggles as well as their strengths. Because perfect needs nothing more, imperfection is where love lives. Very well put, as usual. I totally agree with this. I'd like to be one of those people who are trying to understand and work on their issues. Not an easy road. Sounds like we're just divided into 2 groups, then. The "People who know their issues" and "People who ignore their issues".
GrayClouds Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Yes, but sometimes the apple gets bounced off the cart, smashed underfoot and the damage is real, permanent and irrepairable And that is why we have prisons and porn stars.
skydiveaddict Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 And that is why we have prisons and porn stars. but I'm not a pornstar and dont belong in prison, I'm just beyond ever seeing another relationship for me being possible .
GrayClouds Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 but I'm not a pornstar and dont belong in prison, I'm just beyond ever seeing another relationship for me being possible . Do not underestimate healing nature of time, power of hard work and will of instinct. And I confident, even if you currently don't, deep down inside you believe in all three.
skydiveaddict Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Do not underestimate healing nature of time, power of hard work and will of instinct. And I confident, even if you currently don't, deep down inside you believe in all three. I hope you're right. it just doesn't seem possible at the moment
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