lofi_tokyo Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I've dated a lot of people in the past two years, and with the exception of one guy, I've pretty much found reasons not to be exclusive with any of them. Things would just start to progress towards being a "couple" and I'd flake out. I figured it was because I hadn't met the right guy yet. Now though, I've met a guy that I have a ton in common with, I find him really interesting, and quite attractive. In so so many ways he is what I want. Well we've just started going out on dates - nothing serious yet! - and I can see us ending up in a relationship. Except... its like a switch has been flipped. I can feel myself feeling completely and utterly uncomfortable with us dating. I have no idea why this keeps happening! Like I said, I used to think it was because I just wasn't going for the right guys. Now I have one I really like, and the same problems are coming up. Maybe I'm a commitment-phobe? I'd accept that as a possibility except I'm open to a commitment and like I said, I can see this guy being a real keeper - and I felt like he was - until the switch flipped. Any advice, LSers?
alphamale Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 yes, you're afraid of getting in a relationship then getting hurt
threebyfate Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Something triggered the switch to be flipped. Do you recall the exact situation?
Author lofi_tokyo Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 Something triggered the switch to be flipped. Do you recall the exact situation? Well we were texting quite a bit yesterday, and I guess... I just realized he really likes me. I hate when people compliment me a lot or idolize me, so maybe that has to do with it, but he wasn't doing either, he was just being really attentive and interested. Why would that bother me I wonder? Why is it such a turn-off? Maybe Alpha is right about the whole getting hurt thing, but I almost feel like I'm afraid of hurting the other person. Except I'm never the dumper in long-term relationships.
threebyfate Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Well we were texting quite a bit yesterday, and I guess... I just realized he really likes me. I hate when people compliment me a lot or idolize me, so maybe that has to do with it, but he wasn't doing either, he was just being really attentive and interested. Why would that bother me I wonder? Why is it such a turn-off? Maybe Alpha is right about the whole getting hurt thing, but I almost feel like I'm afraid of hurting the other person. Except I'm never the dumper in long-term relationships.Were his compliments centered around your looks?
Author lofi_tokyo Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 Were his compliments centered around your looks? Nope! They had to do with my interests, humor, athletic ability. Though he wasn't really laying them on or anything. He definitely seems sincere. It was more that he just seemed really, well, interested! Ugh. I'm annoyed with myself for sounding like this. Thanks for taking time to hear me out. I want this to work with him!
threebyfate Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Nope! They had to do with my interests, humor, athletic ability. Though he wasn't really laying them on or anything. He definitely seems sincere. It was more that he just seemed really, well, interested! Ugh. I'm annoyed with myself for sounding like this. Thanks for taking time to hear me out. I want this to work with him!Give it some time before you reject. This only happened yesterday so you haven't seen him since. Any discomfort might melt away, once you've seen him in person.
marsle85 Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Personally, I respond that way to nearly EVERY guy I date. The first few dates are fine, but then once they start diving deeper, I need to come up for air. To me- even if they are the "perfect fit," it's based on the chemistry. I'm talking physically, mentally, emotionally. You don't have the magnetism, baby.
boogieboy Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 So he made it easy for you, where you dont have to wonder. So you'd rather be challenged and wondering if the guy likes you to appreciate someone?
marsle85 Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 So he made it easy for you, where you dont have to wonder. So you'd rather be challenged and wondering if the guy likes you to appreciate someone? Well there's a perfect amount of challenge. Boogieboy, would you rather have a girl lay it out flat- or be a little mysterious. I'm not saying games, I'm just saying so easy, so fast.
boogieboy Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Well there's a perfect amount of challenge. Boogieboy, would you rather have a girl lay it out flat- or be a little mysterious. I'm not saying games, I'm just saying so easy, so fast. I dont need mystery. Knowing outright always worked better for me. (im a control freak) Besides, women I dated always laid it all out. I had no problem with it. I never liked to work to figure out if they liked me.
marsle85 Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I dont need mystery. Knowing outright always worked better for me. (im a control freak) Besides, women I dated always laid it all out. I had no problem with it. I never liked to work to figure out if they liked me. One to their own.
atlnay Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Who made the rule that you have to just date one person? Seriously, where does that rule come from? Rethink what society has bludgeoned into your brain. Here here, best thing I heard recently is dating is about discovery. Discovering what YOU like and don't like. Keep it light have fun and if it's not mean to be, keep it moving. Seriously.
alphamale Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Keep it light have fun and if it's not mean to be, keep it moving. Seriously. its hard to keep dating "light and fun", especially for women
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