brwneyedgrl3333 Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Well...I took the day off from work today just to have a little "me" time on my birthday...has been an ok day. I woke in the wee hours from the worst dream I have had yet since my breakup week before Christmas and it was a doozy...YUCK...Happy Birthday to me. For whatever reason, in my dream... I drove to me ex's house...he wanted me to come over and I did (sounds more like a nightmare, doesn't it!?) only to find him in bed with some woman...and then he laughed at me after seeing how upset I was. Horrible dream to wake up from and after calming myself down I proceeded to dream about him the rest of the night. Haven't had many nights like that since the breakup...this one was the worst and not sure where it came from. I've been doing better recently. I have felt not quite so sad and looking forward to my tommorows more now. I have been 90 days today...NC and plan on holding to it. NC has for me, been the #1 thing that has kept me going and keeps me motivated to stay strong. I posted a month ago about my ex sending a 6 word email after 8 weeks NC asking if I'd like to meet him somewhere and I never responded. I've not had anymore contact from him since and believe that I never will....I've accepted it and after REALLY doing that, I have begun to move on in my life. I have NO desire to even date casually and won't until I feel that I have healed enough to go there. Unlike the past where I seemed to have met someone within months after my breakups and got involved...I won't be doing that this time. This time, being alone is what I need to do and I'm ok with that for probably the first time in my adult life. I'm working on me ALOT. I'm finally having days where I can actually go for HOURS and feel happy. Thoughts of the ex still come out of the blue but it's beginning to change now and the thoughts many times feel more distant and cloudy, if that makes sense? It's such a relief. The first 2 and 1/2 months were some of the worst months of my life and I never want to repeat them in any way, shape or form. It seems like alot longer then 3 months since the breakup....time moves so very slow when we are grieving hard. I've learned alot about me and I think although I'm only 3 months out...I'm a much better person for it and hope to keep growing. Anyway...not sure what this post was for exactly other then to let new people that are coming to the LS forum know that it really does get so much better. Hang tight...take care of you like you are taking care of your best friend in the world and you will so make it through all of this!!!
GrayClouds Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Happy Birthday and congrats on 90 days of NC. While your not where you want to be it does sound like you are ding the right things and making incremental but positive progress. And while that is not a new Lexus park in your driveway with a big bow, it is not a bad girt to give yourself. Take pride that your handling your hurt in a healthy and constructive manner you and your future will benefit for it. Be kind to yourself, I wish you well. .
djentleman Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Yes, happy birthday! It's very refreshing to read the success stories from those who take control of their situation, individually, and work it through to prove these types are manageable with inner strength. Highly respectable to know you haven't rebounded, which is a true sign of taking responsibility, if you ask me!
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