coast_to_coast Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Hello all! I need advice pretty desperately, I will try to keep this short and sweet. My BF and I had been in a relationship for 2 years when he had to move away for a minimum 5 year minimum international job opportunity. I am already in grad school somewhere else, so our relationship turned into a long distance one. I tried this for a few months, but between our schedules, we made very little time for each other. We rarely saw each other. I got frustrated and lonely, and I ended it. During the following months of the break-up, I dated someone (got physical as well), but I never allowed it or wanted it to get serious. I am ending things with this second guy, basically taking it back to friend zone with him, where I am more comfortable. I really like this guy, but still I am more an more convinced that my ex is "the one" for me, even at this difficult juncture of indefinite long distance. So, my question. If/when I approach my ex about a reconciliation (we have been in touch more recently anyway), do I tell him what I have done during the time off? We agreed to tell each other if we met anyone. I don't consider this serious enough to call it "meeting someone," but we did date casually, about once a week for a couple of months. We had mutual friends so sometimes it just worked out like that. I have a feeling that he has been waiting for me faithfully, even though I told him not to. I know it will DEVASTATE him if he found out we were intimate, but I want to start afresh if he does. Working harder to bridge the gap of distance and one not. Does anyone have experience with this? Revealing what has happened during time apart? Is it smart to give as little information as possible? I don't really want to know what he was up to, as long as he wants to re-commit to me fully as I do to him. Thank you in advance LS members! Your advice is invaluable and I am in a bind that I can't seem to figure out on my own.
rebirth Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 It will probably come up sometime in the future. If you really love this guy, you should tell him. Do it nicely though.
Disintegration Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Please please please listen to my advice. I speak from experience, you really should tell him that you were intimate with the other guy. If he finds out later and you kept it from him I think it may do more harm than good. Trust me I know first hand. Yes he may be devastated but he will be even more crushed if you lied and kept it from him. I know you two were broken up and what you both did while broken up really isn't each others business however if it could make or break you-you need to inform him. It'll be better if he knows now. If you don't want to know what he has done then simply refrain from asking, he may want to tell you anyways just to be honest. Please update as I would like to know what the outcome of the after math was.
linwood Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Am I reading this correctly? You think your Ex has been waiting for you faithfully for 5 years? I would definitely tell him as it will only cause problems when he finds out and he will find out. Also if you plan on getting back with your Ex you cannot "friend zone" the new guy after you`ve told your Ex you were with him. He won`t take it or he shouldn`t at least.
dazzle22 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Well, you had an agreement to mention if you "met someone" you would tell, so that is where you dilema is...Just a guess, but he likely would consider sleeping with someone, meeting them. If you didn't have the agreement, perhaps different story, as you were broken up at the time and that implies it is ok to see others.
JustJoe Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 CTC, If you were physical with Guy 2, that is way more than "meeting someone", so yes you should tell.
spriggig Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 I tried this for a few months, ...During the following months of the break-up... With these two statements it seems like he's been gone for less than a year. So, you have four years to go? If that is the case, I think you should leave the relationship as it is (broken up) and continue to date other men. Because you're just going to do this again. Really, who knows what will happen in four years on either side?
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