nick17x Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I met Sarah at University and we become incredibly good friends - we went out for a while, but as I'd taken a job in the US we decided to split up rather than attempt a long distance relationship. During those six years I was away we spoke and emailed every day. It was a strange relationship - though we were only friends - happy to discuss our respective dating / relationship dramas there was always that undercurrent of flirting and affection....and those times I did come back to London and we were both single we would usually end up in bed together but all very friendly! Anyway I came back 2 years ago. She'd met a guy and was in the throws of a serious relationship - which was fine, and for a while the three of us plus whoever i was dating used to spend lots of time together. One evening her bf was out of town so I offered to take her out for dinner (pretty normal) and we had a lovely night which ended back at her place where we continued to talk until the early hours. She went to bed and I fell asleep on the sofa, but just as i was dozing off she came back and cuddled up on top of me...we ended up having sex. We then were in a very strange place for a year - I guess having an affair (am I on the wrong board?!) but all conversations centred about how she loved me more than any other and would leave her BF. Though she never did either because his father passed away, it was his birthday, he lost his job or because he was being so nice. Going out with him but seeing me in a emotional / physical sense as well. About six months ago I threw down an ultimatum - I wasn't happy being the other guy and had a spent the best part of a year being faithful to her, waiting for her to call for a promise that didn't materialise. She responded badly - well she's a control freak so being made to choose didn't work...we didn't talk for a few weeks - the most since we met. She came back, apologised and then we entered a very strange phase - of her going hot for a few weeks and then cold for a few weeks. So inconsistent but she explained the cheating was hard for her so I was accomodating. Recently things have been getting extremely hot / cold. Three weeks ago we met at her work - spent the afternoon hanging out. She spoke of having an unbreakable bond with me, loved me more than anything and we ended up having the most intense sex on her desk. A few days later we met for a coffee and i leant forward to kiss her - she said no. I (wrongly) persisted and she did kiss me back, but that evening she rang and shouted that i was wrong not to listen to her and what if anyone saw us kissing / if her boyfriend found out. I got annoyed and asked her again to make a decision one way or another - that i wasn't happy being the "other man". She said she needed space and time to think. She deleted me of Blackberry, MSN, Facebook. I dropped her an email to ask why she deleted me of all these places because regardless i thought we'd stay friends and she replied saying she needed space and she'd talk to me Thursday. I again asked her if she is a) breaking up with me including our friendship b) breaking up with me in as in the affair but we're staying friends c) stay in the affair d) leaving her boyfriend. She just called to say she's busy at work and now can't talk to me about this for another fortnight...so I'm left wondering whats going to happen with my friend, my lover and the woman i love? Any idea whats going on in her head?
boogieboy Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 She wanted to have her cake and eat it too. Bottom line is she doesnt like you enough to have an exclusive relationship with you, despite what her words are. You are like the women having an affair with a married man, and the man keeps telling her he will leave the wife to keep her around. She knows that if she tells you that she will never leave him, that she wont have you the way she wants you. You also showed her that you are a doormat. You gave her an ultimatum and then caved. You wont ever get her exclusively, and you dont really want to be just friends with her, so you might as well write her off. Stop talking to her entirely. You dont want to be associated with someone who would treat you like this. Get a new girlfriend that you can take seriously.
silic0ntoad Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 +1. She is using you as an emotional crutch. I'd bet she leaves her BF, and YOU when another stud comes along that mixes what she sees in him as far as comfort, and you in sexuality. Split on this one, bro. Don't be a b*tch.
Johnny M Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I met Sarah at University and we become incredibly good friends - we went out for a while, but as I'd taken a job in the US we decided to split up rather than attempt a long distance relationship. During those six years I was away we spoke and emailed every day. It was a strange relationship - though we were only friends - happy to discuss our respective dating / relationship dramas there was always that undercurrent of flirting and affection....and those times I did come back to London and we were both single we would usually end up in bed together but all very friendly! Becoming so heavily attached to a woman you weren't dating was a huge mistake. Such relationships are extremely unhealthy and never lead to anything good. Obviously, this woman is not relationship material (cheater, control freak, hot & cold, etc.), so stop wasting your life on her. Drop this b*tch like a hot potato and move on.
Author nick17x Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 i spoke to my younger by much wiser sister about this and she used the words emotional crutch too. Everyone is suggesting i walk away before i do myself any more harm...but how do you walk about from your best from, the best lover you've had and the person you love. i've spent almost a decade talking to her every day...how do you go on without a person so important in your life?
Johnny M Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 i spoke to my younger by much wiser sister about this and she used the words emotional crutch too. Everyone is suggesting i walk away before i do myself any more harm...but how do you walk about from your best from, the best lover you've had and the person you love. i've spent almost a decade talking to her every day...how do you go on without a person so important in your life? You walk away by treating her as a sunk cost. The time you wasted on her is something that you are never going to get back. However, if you don't walk away now, you could easily end up wasting yet another decade of your life on this woman. She obviously does not love you or care about you. This girl is just manipulating your feelings for her own selfish reasons, so grow a pair and cut all contact.
Recommended Posts