imonyourside Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I need some quick advice: I've been dating this guy for a month now but we were acquaintances from a while back and had been talking online for about 4 months. Sex this morning was just terrible and I'm nervous he will think less of me. First off, I've never been with a guy who had a hard time getting a hard-on. This guy doesn't necessarily have a hard time, but he goes soft if he doesn't get constant stimulation. The time it took for me to take my pants off, it went down a bit. Then, he is a very horny dude so he wants to do all these different positions I'm just not comfortable with. I'm very insecure and I hate the way my body looks so I feel retarded when I have to kind of slow him down a bit and not go balls wild with him... even though I wish I could. I hate being one of those girls who needs all the lights turned off to have sex or something.. but I'm just sooo uncomfortable with the way I look. I now feel like maybe I should fix myself before trying to date anyone because I just feel so stupid!!! I hope I am overthinking this... but I'm just afraid he will be like "damn, that was terrible". I'm probably not explaining this correctly, but I'm just wondering what I should do in this situation. If he thinks less of me because of sex I should know that he's not for me, right? Ughhhh please help!
CarrieT Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I now feel like maybe I should fix myself before trying to date anyone because I just feel so stupid!!! This is the most important thing you said in your whole post. And then this: I hate being one of those girls who needs all the lights turned off to have sex or something.. but I'm just sooo uncomfortable with the way I look. You HAVE to fix yourself and become comfortable and happy with yourself before you are going to enjoy sex and all that being with another human being has to offer. I'm not going to address the rest of your post as it is entirely secondary to YOU. The guy and his half-hard penis and all the positions are not the point. Sounds like you need some serious counseling to get over your body issues. Fix yourself first!
carhill Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 IMO, talk to him about sexual intimacy and become comfortable sharing that intimacy outside the bedroom. I'm always at a loss as to why two people can share body parts but not be able, willing and comfortable talking about that. Can you help me? Regarding 'fixing yourself', have the issues you raised here been resolved yet, within yourself? If not, perhaps seeking some help would be beneficial.
boogieboy Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 You have to talk to him about it to feel better about yourself. He can pick up on you being uncomfortable, and that would make any guy lose a hard on. Once he assures you that your body is fine, you might be more comfortable with him. But if that doesnt work, then you have to stop seeing him and work on yourself.
Kamille Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 This is the most important thing you said in your whole post. And then this: You HAVE to fix yourself and become comfortable and happy with yourself before you are going to enjoy sex and all that being with another human being has to offer. I'm not going to address the rest of your post as it is entirely secondary to YOU. The guy and his half-hard penis and all the positions are not the point. Sounds like you need some serious counseling to get over your body issues. Fix yourself first! Exactly what I was thinking. The guy in this scenario is secondary to the real issue. The solution is in you. i'm sure you're being over-critical of your body and i'm sure your boyfriend was far from being focused on judging you. His focus was most likely on enjoying the moment (and besides, he most likely thinks you're smoking hot, especially naked).
Author imonyourside Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 I meant literally fix myself like with surgery and fake tans and all that jazz. I don't know how to internally fix myself. And yeah, you're right, he is secondary to all this but .... I really do like him and we have a really strong connection. I just feel weird telling him I'm really uncomfortable with my body. I know its a turn off so I've tried really hard to seem like I am completely comfortable. I think that is why he gets so surprised when I cover myself up or push him away sometimes. It's weird because we are able to talk about most everything.. I've never been so comfortable talking about stupid **** like masturbating with someone I feel like I don't know that well yet. HOWEVER, I guess my problem is I am pretty sure he thinks my body is like... not covered in stretch marks and disgustingness so I get so nervous when he sees me with pants off etc. He keeps trying to flip me over but aahhhh I hate my ass! So I fight it with every chance I'm given. As for my previous post, that was a long time ago and I'm no longer with him (obviously) so no, I don't really worry about my chest size that much.
boogieboy Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I meant literally fix myself like with surgery and fake tans and all that jazz. I don't know how to internally fix myself. And yeah, you're right, he is secondary to all this but .... I really do like him and we have a really strong connection. I just feel weird telling him I'm really uncomfortable with my body. I know its a turn off so I've tried really hard to seem like I am completely comfortable. I think that is why he gets so surprised when I cover myself up or push him away sometimes. It's weird because we are able to talk about most everything.. I've never been so comfortable talking about stupid **** like masturbating with someone I feel like I don't know that well yet. HOWEVER, I guess my problem is I am pretty sure he thinks my body is like... not covered in stretch marks and disgustingness so I get so nervous when he sees me with pants off etc. He keeps trying to flip me over but aahhhh I hate my ass! So I fight it with every chance I'm given. As for my previous post, that was a long time ago and I'm no longer with him (obviously) so no, I don't really worry about my chest size that much. Like I said, You have made it PAINFULLY obvious to him that you are uncomfortable with your body, he knows. So you might as well start the discussion now. If you frame it in a way that he can help you get over it, without seeming needy, he wont be turned off. He likes you body, so he will assure you that its all in your head.
Pfiend101 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 are you over weight? What could possibly be so ugly?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 I need some quick advice: I've been dating this guy for a month now but we were acquaintances from a while back and had been talking online for about 4 months. Sex this morning was just terrible and I'm nervous he will think less of me. First off, I've never been with a guy who had a hard time getting a hard-on. This guy doesn't necessarily have a hard time, but he goes soft if he doesn't get constant stimulation. The time it took for me to take my pants off, it went down a bit. Then, he is a very horny dude so he wants to do all these different positions I'm just not comfortable with. I'm very insecure and I hate the way my body looks so I feel retarded when I have to kind of slow him down a bit and not go balls wild with him... even though I wish I could. I hate being one of those girls who needs all the lights turned off to have sex or something.. but I'm just sooo uncomfortable with the way I look. I now feel like maybe I should fix myself before trying to date anyone because I just feel so stupid!!! I hope I am overthinking this... but I'm just afraid he will be like "damn, that was terrible". I'm probably not explaining this correctly, but I'm just wondering what I should do in this situation. If he thinks less of me because of sex I should know that he's not for me, right? Ughhhh please help! For at least the time being, I would remove "him" from the equation. I sense that others (men, I mean) looking AT you would see you as far more near to what they really want than you see yourself as being. So the question is, how can you alter your own outlook to reach a point where to merely be in the same, lit room, while naked with a guy, will allow you to be reasonably comfortable and RELAXED? There are many elements of female sexuality whose appeal is majorly dependent upon a woman being plenty confident behind that sexuality. Lets use something as insignificant as Cindy Crawford's mole: IF every time we turned a magazine page there was an ad showing Cindy Crawford hawking some form of 'concealer' as she was quoted saying: "cover those unsightly moles like this"... do you really think Cindy Crawford's mole would be seen as being as sexy as it is??? If the likes of Kate Moss were known as a spokesperson for some high-calorie diet that is intended to "help skinny girls gain weight", then her "waif" look wouldn't be anywhere near as sought-after as it is in some circles. This is so much about you, and your own outlook, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand about how great you are going to feel when you brazenly show-off your body, in the lights, and in front of a guy who is moved by your apparent confidence. Rehearse it all in your mind at the very least, and then go out and wow! somebody.
SarahRose Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Are you even having a good time having sex with him at all? It doesn't sound like it.
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