bentnotbroken Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Snowflower, People don't usually try to punch me, it's not a good idea. I wasn't really dissing him, as much as I was shocked by his behavior. I've seen men act in strange ways in combat, but this is the first time I ever witnessed a man blubbering. I wasn't cruel to him (other than the obvious) and I had to calm him down, get him a cup of tea, and listen to his interminable whining. If that's the way he acts around his W, it's no wonder she cheated. I simply can't understand the "doormat", mentality. I mean this guy is rich with a capital "R", he is wealthier than most small countries. So now he's back together with her, he bought her a condo in Cabo, and a bunch of other stuff, and she's still calling, e-mailing me to get back together. In this instance, the only persons to benefit from telling was the WS, (she got lots of new stuff), and the BS (he gets his cheating wife back). I got ****. :confused:Really, is that all you got? I guess some would view cheating with a MW a version of the doormat mentality. You sleep with a woman who goes home to her H and you curl up with her scent and your memories until the next drive by. If he did whine, does that say she deserved to cheat and he deserved to be cheated on? As far as him getting his cheating wife back, did she go somewhere? Did she leave him? Or did she just have sex on the side and go home to him the whole time?
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I wasn't trying to be manipulative. Here's my story for everyone on here: I had an affair with a friend that lasted over a year. (We're both married) It was always hot and cold, one minute he wanted it the next day he didn't. It was strictly for sex. (He had had a previous affair too) I started to get emotionally attached to him and he told me he didn't feel the same. We tried to end it numerous times, only to go back to the sex. We eventually did end it, but then I found out he had an account on the AM site. (So obviously he still wanted an affair.) He ended up deleting it because I called him on it. Fast forward to today: We have a mutual friend that has hinted to me in the past how cute he is and how she'd love to sleep with him. I went to visit him one day at work for lunch and she was there. It was obvious she didn't want me there. (They were alone) The tension was so thick, you could've cut it with a knife. My gut told me that something was going on between them. (She denies it as does he) What do you think? Should I listen to my gut? You are the one with the issue here. You have feelings for him, he doesn't have the same feelings for you. Sure, he cares, but he isn't emotionally attached to you. Do NOT mix up passionate sex and lust with feelings of love. He loved the sex. Some men are very good at separating love and sex, this guy obviously is. Narcissist, remember that. Let him go and forget about him. What he does, thinks, says, who else he has sex with is none of your business. He isn't "yours". Emotionally you're jealous and hurt, but you really have no right to feel that way since you're married.. I hope you see what I'm getting at here...
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Honestly' date=' has anyone thought that if she tells MM's W, it will rebound and out her with her H? Maybe that's the real deal here. Maybe she is not ready to do it herself and needs that forced by outing him. It could happen, CL, don't turn a blind eye to that.[/quote'] Ofcourse her H will find out. She spills the beans to MM's wife, trust me, her husband will get a call back with proof and info. MOST affairs that are brought to light and the cheaters are both married, if one BS finds out the truth, it isn't long before the other BS finds out.
JustJoe Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 (edited) Before you guys reach for the cross and nails , maybe you should have read my other posts better. I didn't know at first that MW was, in fact, M. She has her own place in Dallas, and separated from her H at least 5 times, during the affair. After the affair had progressed for quite some time, I finally realized that she was never going to leave all of that money, and also that she was never going to come-clean with her H. I forced D-Day with the intention of forcing her to admit TO ME, that we were never going to be together (which she had told me 100's of times) and also to force her to admit the affair TO HER HUSBAND. Was I a fool? of course! But if you had seen her (Model-quality looks) and loved her as I did, maybe you would understand. ....... Thanks White Flower, that's pretty much the way I felt. I never expected him to react this way, not in a million years. Her H told me that many people told him of the affair, over the years, but that he couldn't summon the courage to ask her about it, and that he was willing to re-connect with her no matter how many men she had been with. I loved her, but not that much, apparently. So , in answer to the original question, SOMEBODY needs to tell. OM/OW, WS or even a friend or relative who knows, but the only way for anyone to get clear of this is, to let everybody know. Edited March 31, 2010 by JustJoe
Meaplus3 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I have seen this question asked a few times around here and my answer is will always be the same.DO NOT tell! It's not your place. Let the MM tell his spouse of the A. Really, what good would come from you telling? Think about that. Mea:)
Kenyth Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I met her H at my house, and after asking him how much he needed to know, proceeded to tell him about the length of the affair. He started crying and hyper-ventilating, I mean sobbing. It was one of the most shameful and embarassing experiences of my life. He simply would not or could not man-up. I have never witnessed a grown man act in such a way. That was not particularly wise of you. It could have been ugly. If it would have been me, I'm certain you would have needed dental work afterwards. I also question your motives. The OM/OW telling the BS after the affair breaks off is usually because the want to cause mayhem in revenge for being spurned.
JustJoe Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Ken, do you know my story at all? As far as dental work, many have tried that, it's not a good idea.
Author Confused Lady Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 Yes, I'm still pissed and hurt. I wasn't going to tell his wife about us, I was going to tell her about him and the new OW (which she suspects anyway)
PhoenixRise Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I don't think you have any right to be hurt or angry. You had an affair with a man who you know is a serial cheater. You agreed to a sex only affair with no feelings involved. You broke the agreement. You developed feelings. I can't believe I am typing this, but MM was completely honest with you. He didn't lie to you or lead you on in any way. You built a relationship and obligations that existed in your head only. So because he dumped you and moved on to the next OW (that is what serial cheaters do ya know) you are mad and want to tell the wife about his affair with the other OW, not about the affair with you. This is manipulative as hell and if you do it, MM will out you to your H. Or maybe you should do it. You clearly have bunny boiler written all over you. MM would get a richly deserved lesson.
bentnotbroken Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Before you guys reach for the cross and nails , maybe you should have read my other posts better. I didn't know at first that MW was, in fact, M. She has her own place in Dallas, and separated from her H at least 5 times, during the affair. After the affair had progressed for quite some time, I finally realized that she was never going to leave all of that money, and also that she was never going to come-clean with her H. I forced D-Day with the intention of forcing her to admit TO ME, that we were never going to be together (which she had told me 100's of times) and also to force her to admit the affair TO HER HUSBAND. Was I a fool? of course! But if you had seen her (Model-quality looks) and loved her as I did, maybe you would understand. ....... Thanks White Flower, that's pretty much the way I felt. I never expected him to react this way, not in a million years. Her H told me that many people told him of the affair, over the years, but that he couldn't summon the courage to ask her about it, and that he was willing to re-connect with her no matter how many men she had been with. I loved her, but not that much, apparently. So , in answer to the original question, SOMEBODY needs to tell. OM/OW, WS or even a friend or relative who knows, but the only way for anyone to get clear of this is, to let everybody know. :lmao:no cross and nails, but it was an odd post. It felt like you were saying he deserved what she gave him. He loved her. He loved his wife. There is nothing wrong with that. Tears are a part of the package. I do agree that who ever tells the BS deserves to know. It is unreal how many people allowed me to be exposed to STD's because they felt it wasn't there place to tell. Would it have been there place to comfort my children if I had died of a disease? Would it have been their place to speak words of comfort, send a card, a flower maybe? I will never understand the mentality of not getting involved with the life of others who are being hurt. If I see(or suspect) a child is being abused I will intervene. If I see a woman/man (or suspect) is being abused, I will intervene. So why wouldn't I intervene when I see a cheater abusing their spouse?
bentnotbroken Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Yes, I'm still pissed and hurt. I wasn't going to tell his wife about us, I was going to tell her about him and the new OW (which she suspects anyway) You didn't want to tell his wife that you did the horizontal mambo with him just tell her he is doing it with someone else, cowardly and manipulative. It is time you get over...yourself.
Snowflower Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 J I think, If I may speak for Snowflower, she anticipated the crying outburst because as women it is our nature to be open with our emotions. I'm sure she wasn't thinking that men don't anticipate this behavior even in the face of discovery of such a painful subject. I know my own H would never have shown emotions had it been you and him; he would have only shown contempt, humor, or flippant complacency/indifference. He would have 'manned up' and waved you off as he walked out of your house. I'm not sure if he would have ever cried at all even in the privacy of a locked bedroom. Perhaps this is the behavior you were expecting? Yes, that is basically what I was saying. Like I said before, I'm surprised (even as a woman) about the emotional outburst and crying from the BH. Anger would have been the more expected reaction. However, crying was this BH's reaction...whether it makes sense or not. Again, I thought it was cruel that the JJ was so contemptuous of the BH's reaction...like I said, emotional turmoil on D-day is intense and unpredictable. I cried when I found out about my H's affair...understandable, but I guess it's more accepted because I am a woman.
JustJoe Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Snowflower, I come from a Military family and we were taught that emotional outbursts are done in private. So, yes I guess I did have contempt for him. Contempt, pity, sorrow, guilt, anger, confusion ALL of these emotions were in my mind. The one thing that bothered me the most was that, The MW separated from him numerous times, went away on weekend trips, vacations, etc. and he never summoned up the courage to demand an accounting of her actions or whereabouts. What did he think was happening?....... Well, I told...... and I'm glad I did. OP if YOU tell as well, be sure to tell the W the whole story, including YOUR part in it.
OWoman Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Yes, I'm still pissed and hurt. I wasn't going to tell his wife about us, I was going to tell her about him and the new OW (which she suspects anyway) This is just so much like the kid who starts a fight in class and then goes to tell the teacher about the other kids fighting
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Yes, I'm still pissed and hurt. I wasn't going to tell his wife about us, I was going to tell her about him and the new OW (which she suspects anyway) Yeah, and then your H gets a phone call from him, telling HIM about the affair. Stop being jealous of the MM and his new OW. Let it go and move on. Focus on healing and fixing yourself, your marriage.
Author Confused Lady Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 Let me ask you this: Should I contact his exOW and ask her how he treated her during their affair?
JustJoe Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 C l, quit obsessing! If you want to tell all, tell everybody. If not, go on with your life, and leave everybody else alone.
confusedinkansas Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Let me ask you this: Should I contact his exOW and ask her how he treated her during their affair? Why do you care so much? Seems to me you're obsessing. Why do you want to distroy this man? What purpose could it serve you to do so? I agree with a lot of the posters here - Childish. Either going to his current or X other women - OR - going to his wife.........How is this your business? Did he dump you? (sorry didn't read the entire story - just curious) On a side note: I will personally never understand people who are busy bodies & constantly are sticking their noses into other people's business - when it does not involve them. Weird...I just don't get it.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I wasn't trying to be manipulative. Here's my story for everyone on here: I had an affair with a friend that lasted over a year. (We're both married) Ok, so you are married too. So you feel like ratting your OM out. Did you tell your husband about what you are doing behind his back?
Dexter Morgan Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Honestly' date=' has anyone thought that if she tells MM's W, it will rebound and out her with her H?[/quote'] assuming by your statement I take it that she hasn't come clean with her husband. If so, then she is a hypocrite. Wants to out the OM, but doesn't want to tell the truth to her husband. amazing, truly amazing.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I have seen this question asked a few times around here and my answer is will always be the same.DO NOT tell! It's not your place. Let the MM tell his spouse of the A. Really, what good would come from you telling? uh, someone would not be kept in the dark any longer and they'd have the information to make a decision about their life
PhoenixRise Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 He dumped you. What difference does it make how he treats the next OW? He dumped you. Are you for real? I am seriously hoping this is a troll.
confusedinkansas Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 My opinion........(& I read her other post on Other Man/Other woman site)....seems to me like she is just looking for drama. Confused Lady - Are you just bored with life right now & need to add some spice? Some drama? Something to keep your mind occupied? You're shocked that a confessed serial cheater - is still cheating? You want to rat him out? To EVERYONE? Would you gain anything by this? Besides drama......Have you thought that if you rat this man out - that your husband may very well find out about your affair? Trying to be friends with an X Affair Partner - NEVER WORKS....This is proof positive! I hope you figure out just what it is you're looking for in life.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 You're shocked that a confessed serial cheater - is still cheating? or even better that she is a cheater herself that is mad that the man she is cheating with is cheating...as if its a big surprise, but thinking she is the victim here when she herself is, in fact, a cheater. I'm embarrassed for her as jthorne said. such a hypocrite.
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