Confused Lady Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 How many of you would tell the BS about the A after it was over? I'm just curious.
JustJoe Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 IDK about other people, but I did. I had been screwing his wife for over 3 years (with gaps). I forced D-Day and we had a meeting. It went poorly.
Author Confused Lady Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 What do you mean it went poorly?
JustJoe Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I met her H at my house, and after asking him how much he needed to know, proceeded to tell him about the length of the affair. He started crying and hyper-ventilating, I mean sobbing. It was one of the most shameful and embarassing experiences of my life. He simply would not or could not man-up. I have never witnessed a grown man act in such a way.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I have never witnessed a grown man act in such a way. Love can make u do things you'd never imagine you could do..or become..I'm sorry you had to take place in that. I'm sure it was hard to face that demon.
Fallen Angel Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Since this is the board for the betrayed spouse, I would expect that you will get many more in favor of telling than not. Is there a reason why you do not want to hear what you are being told about this question on the OW/OM board? And just asking that question without the deatils of the fact that the reason you want to tell is because MM dumped you and you want to hurt him is clouding the responses you will get. I am throwing a bullsh*t flag on this thread, you are trying to skew the results in favor of the answer you want to hear, that way when you destroy this woman you can say "well, that was the advice I was given on the board." Pathetic! I also want to add that you are showing just how manipulative you can be. I suggest that readers of this thread read her thread in OW/OM forum for all the facts before you respond to this one.
Snowflower Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I met her H at my house, and after asking him how much he needed to know, proceeded to tell him about the length of the affair. He started crying and hyper-ventilating, I mean sobbing. It was one of the most shameful and embarassing experiences of my life. He simply would not or could not man-up. I have never witnessed a grown man act in such a way. While I admit that I am surprised that a man would act like this in front of another man, why would you say he was not 'manning up?' What did you expect from him? IMO, your poor opinion of him seems kind of cruel. I mean, geez, you just delivered a huge blow to him that I'm guessing he didn't see it coming? How SHOULD he have reacted in this situation? It always gets me how the AP thinks they know how the BS 'should' react on d-day. Give me a break, usually it's such a time of intense emotional turmoil for the BS and it's a situation where the BS has most likely never been before. Cut 'em (the BS) some slack if they don't react in the most rational way. Why are you dissing how he acted? What does it matter anyway? Be thankful he didn't punch you in the face!
BlueeyedJonesy Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Since this is the board for the betrayed spouse, I would expect that you will get many more in favor of telling than not. Is there a reason why you do not want to hear what you are being told about this question on the OW/OM board? And just asking that question without the deatils of the fact that the reason you want to tell is because MM dumped you and you want to hurt him is clouding the responses you will get. I am throwing a bullsh*t flag on this thread, you are trying to skew the results in favor of the answer you want to hear, that way when you destroy this woman you can say "well, that was the advice I was given on the board." Pathetic! I also want to add that you are showing just how manipulative you can be. I suggest that readers of this thread read her thread in OW/OM forum for all the facts before you respond to this one. FA, I couldn't agree with you more and I'm a BS. Doing something like that out of spite is wrong. and I did in fact read her thread on the OW forum
Author Confused Lady Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 This board is NOT just for betrayed spouses; it's also for people involved in affairs. (at least that's what the title says at the top of the page) I just want opinions.....
Fallen Angel Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 FA, I couldn't agree with you more and I'm a BS. Doing something like that out of spite is wrong. and I did in fact read her thread on the OW forum It sickens me most because she doesn't want to out her own affair with him, not really.. she wants to out the affair he is now having with someone else after he got rid of her. She has no compassion for his wife, if he would start putting it to her again, she would not think of saying a word. UGH! I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. I understand reasons behind why some people want to tell, and reasons why some people don't. But I do not understand such sociopathic behaviour. This makes my skin crawl.
Author Confused Lady Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 You're right....all of you. I'm just pissed off at him rejecting me. I guess the best thing I can do is get into IC and sort myself out.
Fallen Angel Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 You're right....all of you. I'm just pissed off at him rejecting me. I guess the best thing I can do is get into IC and sort myself out. The BEST thing you can do is to come clean with your husband, and then worry about getting into IC. I think he deserves to know what he is up against, since obviously you couldn't give a rat'sass about him. Give him all the information he needs to be able to make an honest decision about if he wants to be married to you, or find someone who loves him.
JustJoe Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Snowflower, People don't usually try to punch me, it's not a good idea. I wasn't really dissing him, as much as I was shocked by his behavior. I've seen men act in strange ways in combat, but this is the first time I ever witnessed a man blubbering. I wasn't cruel to him (other than the obvious) and I had to calm him down, get him a cup of tea, and listen to his interminable whining. If that's the way he acts around his W, it's no wonder she cheated. I simply can't understand the "doormat", mentality. I mean this guy is rich with a capital "R", he is wealthier than most small countries. So now he's back together with her, he bought her a condo in Cabo, and a bunch of other stuff, and she's still calling, e-mailing me to get back together. In this instance, the only persons to benefit from telling was the WS, (she got lots of new stuff), and the BS (he gets his cheating wife back). I got ****.
whichwayisup Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 You're right....all of you. I'm just pissed off at him rejecting me. I guess the best thing I can do is get into IC and sort myself out. Do it then. Get therapy and sort yourself out.
JustJoe Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Good Luck, CL I really hope things work out better in the future>
scatterd Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 AS a married woman not having prove but knowing its going on I would love to be told.
kevinm1019 Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Snowflower, People don't usually try to punch me, it's not a good idea. I wasn't really dissing him, as much as I was shocked by his behavior. I've seen men act in strange ways in combat, but this is the first time I ever witnessed a man blubbering. I wasn't cruel to him (other than the obvious) and I had to calm him down, get him a cup of tea, and listen to his interminable whining. If that's the way he acts around his W, it's no wonder she cheated. I simply can't understand the "doormat", mentality. I mean this guy is rich with a capital "R", he is wealthier than most small countries. So now he's back together with her, he bought her a condo in Cabo, and a bunch of other stuff, and she's still calling, e-mailing me to get back together. In this instance, the only persons to benefit from telling was the WS, (she got lots of new stuff), and the BS (he gets his cheating wife back). I got ****. What were you trying to accomplish? Increase the hurt and pain he may have already been experiencing whether he was aware or not? Or did you feel like you were "marking your territory?" Obviously you have your own individual issues if you don't have enough confidence in yourself to find a single woman and you are in a sense giving yourself some sort of "pat on the back" for trying to further ruin this man's life. It's funny... if you were in the same situation... you view be different. In closing, people who try to come off as if they are tough... do not tend be tough at all. Those people are trying to mask their true emotions and feelings. Good luck...
Dexter Morgan Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 While I admit that I am surprised that a man would act like this in front of another man, why would you say he was not 'manning up?' ego. read some of his posts and you'll see what I mean. What did you expect from him? IMO, your poor opinion of him seems kind of cruel. it is, but again if you read his other posts, you'd understand why he would say such things. then it shouldn't surprise you. I mean, geez, you just delivered a huge blow to him that I'm guessing he didn't see it coming? How SHOULD he have reacted in this situation? he is pissed because the expected outcome was that it would be the destruction of his marriage(which I would agree it should have been). but it wasn't. in the end, the cheating wife didn't want the OM. So he feels the need to slam the husband out of frustration.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 In this instance, the only persons to benefit from telling was the WS, (she got lots of new stuff), and the BS (he gets his cheating wife back). I got **** I rest my case
Snowflower Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 he is pissed because the expected outcome was that it would be the destruction of his marriage(which I would agree it should have been). but it wasn't. in the end, the cheating wife didn't want the OM. So he feels the need to slam the husband out of frustration. Yeah, I get it. It is such a double-standard when the AP decides to tell the BS (for whatever reason-good or bad) which was the topic of this thread and then the AP turns around and bashes the BS for their reaction. It's like, well what did they expect? That the BS was just going to be like, 'Oh my bad, I'm sorry I interfered in your relationship with my husband/wife. I'll bow out gracefully now. Enjoy your lives together.' Yeah, right.
Author Confused Lady Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 I wasn't trying to be manipulative. Here's my story for everyone on here: I had an affair with a friend that lasted over a year. (We're both married) It was always hot and cold, one minute he wanted it the next day he didn't. It was strictly for sex. (He had had a previous affair too) I started to get emotionally attached to him and he told me he didn't feel the same. We tried to end it numerous times, only to go back to the sex. We eventually did end it, but then I found out he had an account on the AM site. (So obviously he still wanted an affair.) He ended up deleting it because I called him on it. Fast forward to today: We have a mutual friend that has hinted to me in the past how cute he is and how she'd love to sleep with him. I went to visit him one day at work for lunch and she was there. It was obvious she didn't want me there. (They were alone) The tension was so thick, you could've cut it with a knife. My gut told me that something was going on between them. (She denies it as does he) What do you think? Should I listen to my gut?
Just a stone's throw Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Honestly, has anyone thought that if she tells MM's W, it will rebound and out her with her H? Maybe that's the real deal here. Maybe she is not ready to do it herself and needs that forced by outing him. It could happen, CL, don't turn a blind eye to that.
White Flower Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I met her H at my house, and after asking him how much he needed to know, proceeded to tell him about the length of the affair. He started crying and hyper-ventilating, I mean sobbing. It was one of the most shameful and embarassing experiences of my life. He simply would not or could not man-up. I have never witnessed a grown man act in such a way. Just Joe I think I know what you're saying. I also understand what Snowflower was saying, I think. But that is the difference between men and women IMHO. Men, especially tough military types expect real* mean to step up to the plate, hide their emotions, and overcome. If he wants to cry, let him do it later in the privacy of his locked bedroom. You were surprised that he not only cried out loud, but he cried in front of his W's OM, you. You must have been hoping for a 'man to man' talk in which you could sort out the truths and possible outcomes from there but instead had to deal with (and understandably so) an emotional outburst. I feel sorry for him. But I also feel sorry for you because you were not prepared to see a man, any man, act in this way. I think, If I may speak for Snowflower, she anticipated the crying outburst because as women it is our nature to be open with our emotions. I'm sure she wasn't thinking that men don't anticipate this behavior even in the face of discovery of such a painful subject. I know my own H would never have shown emotions had it been you and him; he would have only shown contempt, humor, or flippant complacency/indifference. He would have 'manned up' and waved you off as he walked out of your house. I'm not sure if he would have ever cried at all even in the privacy of a locked bedroom. Perhaps this is the behavior you were expecting?
White Flower Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Honestly' date=' has anyone thought that if she tells MM's W, it will rebound and out her with her H? Maybe that's the real deal here. Maybe she is not ready to do it herself and needs that forced by outing him. It could happen, CL, don't turn a blind eye to that.[/quote'] I think someone posted that thought on the other thread. It is a real possibility.
jmargel Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Snowflower, People don't usually try to punch me, it's not a good idea. I wasn't really dissing him, as much as I was shocked by his behavior. I've seen men act in strange ways in combat, but this is the first time I ever witnessed a man blubbering. I wasn't cruel to him (other than the obvious) and I had to calm him down, get him a cup of tea, and listen to his interminable whining. If that's the way he acts around his W, it's no wonder she cheated. I simply can't understand the "doormat", mentality. I mean this guy is rich with a capital "R", he is wealthier than most small countries. So now he's back together with her, he bought her a condo in Cabo, and a bunch of other stuff, and she's still calling, e-mailing me to get back together. In this instance, the only persons to benefit from telling was the WS, (she got lots of new stuff), and the BS (he gets his cheating wife back). I got ****. And rightfully deserved in what you got. And you call yourself a man, going after another man's wife? Find other ways to stroke that huge ego of yours. Can't believe I'm actually hearing a man on here 'whine' that he didn't get nothing in the end after boinking some other guy's wife. Pathetic.
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