Engadget Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 (edited) Between my ex, who cheated on me twice because she was unsure of her sexuality, to every single girl I meet...people have lost their minds. Seriously. You don't have to be monogamous if you don't want to, that's quite alright. However if you're in a committed relationship, don't cheat. That being said I met two single girls recently (friends). One is unhinged at least in my view, to the point where she came out with me and ended up literally "falling in love" with a friend of mine after meeting him twice. Mind you this guy has two kids with two women, and is in a relationship (Update: He's not anymore, and his ex-girlfriend is a very nice person, I feel awful for her. Me and our mutual friends won't be hanging out with him, or this new girl anytime soon) I didn't really care because she seemed kind of "easy" anyway, and that's not what I'm after. Plus I'm afraid she'll get attached to me next because that's apparently her MO. Her friend was more my type, so I started talking to her and getting to know her. I told her straight out I'm not looking for sex, just got out of a long relationship and am just looking to meet new people, make friends and see what happens. Well this girl's been complaining "All men want is sex, why can't they get to know you first?". So I was happy, thinking wow, maybe she's more like I am. Well then I ask her about her previous 2 year relationship, and she says: Her: "We dated for two years, but he wasn't what I wanted" Me: "So did he break your heart, or were you the heartbreaker?" Her: "I broke his heart" Me: "Hate to ask, but did you cheat on him?" Her: "Yes I did." Needless to say it's probably the last time I talk to her. What the hell happened to people? I feel like the only sane one left anymore. I know there's people my type out there, but goodness. Edited March 30, 2010 by Engadget
phineas Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Depends on how old you are. I'm 38 & near divorce. I meet two kinds of women in my age group. Those defective like the type you mentioned & those with their sheilds at full. So basically your looking at easy sex or a long dry run to get a woman to trust you. I tried the easy sex for a few weeks. It wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Now I have hobbies to keep me busy in between getting women to trust me. LOL!
ImaManDammit Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Now I have hobbies to keep me busy in between getting women to trust me. LOL! Preach it brother. I call it embracing Monkhood. I'm 40 and the more I date, the more I find that what people say is seldom what they do. I get the "I just want a nice, normal guy." Which translates to mean "He needs to look like Brad Pitt and be willing to wear a ball gag." Here endth the lesson.
pandagirl Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 In general, it's rare to find kind, honest individuals who are thoughtful and trustworthy. Just not romantically, friendship wise, career wise, family wise... sucks!
Woggle Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Then these same women complain about how all men are players and all we want is just sex.
carhill Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Sure, lot's of 'normal' people out there. Compatible 'normal' people? Meh... I've found that focusing on the compatible part rather than assigning labels to people 'normal', 'abnormal', etc, IRL (not here, where I do assign virtual labels) seems to make the dating process more pleasant and less angst filled. Enjoy the process and, if incompatible, next
Crazy Magnet Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 IMO the majority of the world is completely insane. It's the ones who won't admit they are nuts that scare me though. If you're crazy and you know it clap your hands *clap clap*
Jersey Shortie Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Yes. I feel just like that. And I wonder if I will ever find that special guy. And while I've rejected men, I've also been rejected by men.
boogieboy Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 You need to look through the cheaters forum of this board and understand WHY people cheat so you dont have to write them off so quickly. If you were cheated on, it was most likely because of something you did wrong, rather than your ex being twisted.
Scottdmw Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 You need to look through the cheaters forum of this board and understand WHY people cheat so you dont have to write them off so quickly. If you were cheated on, it was most likely because of something you did wrong, rather than your ex being twisted. If someone leaves you, then it's most likely because you did something wrong, I agree. If someone cheats on you, I don't see how that's your fault in any meaningful sense of the word unless maybe you cheated first. People will always justify their actions, and find some rationale. It doesn't change the fact that if you did something they don't like, they are perfectly free to leave you and be with whoever they want afterwards, without cheating. As to the initial topic, honestly I think the reason people are screwed up these days is that human beings aren’t really well made for the level of promiscuity we have in the culture right now. To me having sex on the third date is quite a bit like eating a constant diet of Big Macs, it tastes really good but it's not at all healthy for you. People have easy sex, and they break up just as easily, but in the meantime the hormonal sexual bonding system works the same as it always has, and people get really attached whether they want to or not, and whether they are willing to admit it or not. So, most of the people on the dating market today are basically in various states of heartbreak, all the time. Scott
Johnny M Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I'm 40 and the more I date, the more I find that what people say is seldom what they do. It took you 40 years to figure that out? Wow.
Author Engadget Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 You need to look through the cheaters forum of this board and understand WHY people cheat so you dont have to write them off so quickly. If you were cheated on, it was most likely because of something you did wrong, rather than your ex being twisted. People leaving you, or cheating on you does not mean you did something wrong. You can be the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend and get cheated on and dumped, so that doesn't make much sense.
Johnny M Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 You need to look through the cheaters forum of this board and understand WHY people cheat so you dont have to write them off so quickly. If you were cheated on, it was most likely because of something you did wrong, rather than your ex being twisted. Please tell me you're just being sarcastic?
threebyfate Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 You need to look through the cheaters forum of this board and understand WHY people cheat so you dont have to write them off so quickly. If you were cheated on, it was most likely because of something you did wrong, rather than your ex being twisted.Believing what's posted in the cheaters' forum is like believing a snake oil salesman. Haven't you learned that when people have something to personally gain, they can justify almost anything, including and especially lying and being deceitful? I'm seriously disappointed with what you've learned on LS.
Author Engadget Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 I'm no saint, I cheated once but I had a reason (even if it's not justified). I was 16 and it was my first girlfriend and we went 6 months without going past 2nd base. I wanted to get laid, and she had some sort of...I dunno, anxiety issue and some other things and never would. Beyond that, now that I'm older I'd never cheat. Let alone twice and claim you still love the person.
boogieboy Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I'm no saint, I cheated once but I had a reason (even if it's not justified). I was 16 and it was my first girlfriend and we went 6 months without going past 2nd base. I wanted to get laid, and she had some sort of...I dunno, anxiety issue and some other things and never would. . This is exactly what I mean. No one is innocent when youre cheated on. Someone feels unfulfilled, someone else is neglected. Theres all sorts of reasons and all sorts of degrees of blame. Of course people lie to justify their actions, but when you can see through the bullshyt, you can understand who cheats and why. Im not saying the the cheaters forum is the definitive bible of cheaters education, but anyone who thinks they arent at least somewhat to blame for being cheated on would be fooling themselves if they didnt at least try to learn how they could have contributed to the problem.
threebyfate Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 This is exactly what I mean. No one is innocent when youre cheated on. Someone feels unfulfilled, someone else is neglected. Theres all sorts of reasons and all sorts of degrees of blame. Of course people lie to justify their actions, but when you can see through the bullshyt, you can understand who cheats and why. Im not saying the the cheaters forum is the definitive bible of cheaters education, but anyone who thinks they arent at least somewhat to blame for being cheated on would be fooling themselves if they didnt at least try to learn how they could have contributed to the problem.I take zero responsibility for a clinically diagnosed dysfunction. I take full responsibility for my ex-choice in mate. Two entirely different concepts. In what you're stating, it's okay for anyone to be abusive, since the abusee asked for it, by not agreeing to something or not allowing someone to control them, to meet their own emotionally fracked up needs. Time to draw a healthy line in the sand, as to what's acceptable behaviour. Even the Law perceives infidelity, within the confines of a contractual agreement like marriage, as unacceptable behaviour.
Author Engadget Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 Oh I forgot to add that both of the girls I mentioned in my first post want me to move in with them. They met me twice and asked me to, and they have an agenda and I'm not quite sure what it is yet. I mean many guys would jump, because they're both attractive and young, but their mental stability is in question and honestly worries me.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 This is exactly what I mean. No one is innocent when youre cheated on. Someone feels unfulfilled, someone else is neglected. Theres all sorts of reasons and all sorts of degrees of blame. Of course people lie to justify their actions, but when you can see through the bullshyt, you can understand who cheats and why. Im not saying the the cheaters forum is the definitive bible of cheaters education, but anyone who thinks they arent at least somewhat to blame for being cheated on would be fooling themselves if they didnt at least try to learn how they could have contributed to the problem. NOT true. Believe me or not, I am right! In a long term relationship, there are going to be ups and downs. I'm sure that there will be times when either person feels neglected or unfulfilled. That is THEIR OWN responsibility. Work it out with your partner so it gets better, accept the status quo, or MOVE ON! I agree with the other poster; placing any responsibility for the cheating on the betrayed spouse is akin to blaming the abused for "asking for it." "My wife doesn't understand me!" Waaaaaaaaaa!
carhill Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 anyone who thinks they arent at least somewhat to blame for being cheated on would be fooling themselves if they didnt at least try to learn how they could have contributed to the problem. I'll help...it's about responsibility assignment. I was responsible for my EA; the dynamic, the impetus in myself, my behaviors, my actions. I was not responsible for how I was treated in my M; that was stbx's choice. Stbx was responsible for her perspective, behaviors and actions in our marriage. She was not responsible for what I chose to do. Now, if the roles had been reversed, the same responsibility would apply. I have not yet encountered a married person in a happy, mutually respectful and loving marriage who chose to 'spread their love around' with other third parties. I would wager that they exist. In those instances, responsibility still applies to the dynamic. Each owns their own responsibility. A person can do nothing 'wrong', or even do everything right; that doesn't absolve them of their responsibility in the M. It does change the dynamic of responsibility and subsequent actions to regain balance. We can see unhealthy signs of that process when the 'good' spouse has a revenge affair. Also, a spouse can have an affair while being completely unaware that their spouse is cheating on them. I've seen that go on. Whole boatload of unhealthy. Get enough of that under one's belt and no wonder we have some challenges defining what is 'normal' anymore...
Phateless Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Between my ex, who cheated on me twice because she was unsure of her sexuality, to every single girl I meet...people have lost their minds. Seriously. You don't have to be monogamous if you don't want to, that's quite alright. However if you're in a committed relationship, don't cheat. That being said I met two single girls recently (friends). One is unhinged at least in my view, to the point where she came out with me and ended up literally "falling in love" with a friend of mine after meeting him twice. Mind you this guy has two kids with two women, and is in a relationship (Update: He's not anymore, and his ex-girlfriend is a very nice person, I feel awful for her. Me and our mutual friends won't be hanging out with him, or this new girl anytime soon) I didn't really care because she seemed kind of "easy" anyway, and that's not what I'm after. Plus I'm afraid she'll get attached to me next because that's apparently her MO. Her friend was more my type, so I started talking to her and getting to know her. I told her straight out I'm not looking for sex, just got out of a long relationship and am just looking to meet new people, make friends and see what happens. Well this girl's been complaining "All men want is sex, why can't they get to know you first?". So I was happy, thinking wow, maybe she's more like I am. Well then I ask her about her previous 2 year relationship, and she says: Her: "We dated for two years, but he wasn't what I wanted" Me: "So did he break your heart, or were you the heartbreaker?" Her: "I broke his heart" Me: "Hate to ask, but did you cheat on him?" Her: "Yes I did." Needless to say it's probably the last time I talk to her. What the hell happened to people? I feel like the only sane one left anymore. I know there's people my type out there, but goodness. lol, I completely agree with you. THEY'RE ALL NUTS! They all seem normal at first, but everyone has so much baggage. We just have to qualify more carefully.
threebyfate Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I'm no saint, I cheated once but I had a reason (even if it's not justified). I was 16 and it was my first girlfriend and we went 6 months without going past 2nd base. I wanted to get laid, and she had some sort of...I dunno, anxiety issue and some other things and never would. Beyond that, now that I'm older I'd never cheat. Let alone twice and claim you still love the person.Okay, now this attitude floors me. You've done it but it's not okay for any potential partners to be this way. In negating other cheaters, you're saying that no one else can change, besides yourself. Do you consider this normal behaviour?
Author Engadget Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 Okay, now this attitude floors me. You've done it but it's not okay for any potential partners to be this way. In negating other cheaters, you're saying that no one else can change, besides yourself. Do you consider this normal behaviour? Most people don't change, and if someone told me they cheated at 16 it's ENTIRELY different than cheating in your mid 20's. Nor did I say it was okay that I did it, but when you date for six months and refuse sex...
phineas Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Okay, now this attitude floors me. You've done it but it's not okay for any potential partners to be this way. In negating other cheaters, you're saying that no one else can change, besides yourself. Do you consider this normal behaviour? I didn't get that from his post. He was 16. He made mistakes. He's older now & understands how wrong he was & wouldn't do it again & expects his partner not to cheat either. I don't see the problem.
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