How do you deal with rude, stuck-up, stand-off-ish or hostile girls?

[SilkRose]

That would be true if you were talking about a civilised cocktail party...but in a busy bar environment some approaches women have to spend their time fending off are alcohol or drug fuelled, and downright obnoxious. Some men go around bars just spoiling for a fight. Particularly, perhaps, the men who find it difficult to approach women - and will often therefore be charged up with a combination of lust and resentment.

 

When a stranger makes an approach in a bar, there's always going to be a few seconds where you're maintaining a certain wariness while checking out what kind of state this person is in. Is he drunk? Is he giving off vibes of someone who's likely to turn obnoxious at any minute? I think when people read advice on message boards, they picture real life situations they've been in - and imagine the person attempting to put the message board advice into practice in those situations.

 

You're telling guys that if they feel snubbed by a group of women, they should respond rudely. Well, take various factors into account. The guy might be going out in a bad, overly sensitive frame of mind where any rejection of his advances, however diplomatic, strikes him as being rude or bitchy. He might have had a few drinks for Dutch courage. Add in your advice ringing in his head, and an unsuccessful attempt to approach a woman in a bar could quickly turn into an unpleasant scene.

 

Will that result in the woman caught up in that scene deciding "well...next time I'm approached by some strange guy in a bar, I'm going to be really friendly and welcoming..."? Of course it won't. She's going to be even warier. The stand-offish thing isn't a "bitch shield" as the PUA community likes to term it. It's a wanker shield. A sex pest shield. An idiot who is spoiling for a squabble with a group of women shield.

 

Every time some guy who is snubbed in his attempt to pick up a woman retaliates aggressively, he's basically confessing "yes..I am that wanker. I am that idiot who was spoiling for a fight with a woman." It's vindicates use of the wanker shield....whereas if a guy responds to abruptness in a polite but distant manner, then leaves, the woman is more likely to question herself for being abrupt to someone who turned out to be a pretty normal, cool guy.

 

Excellent post, that's so true.

[SilkRose]

This thread demonstrates an amusing diversion of opinion along gender lines that you often see on loveshack. So far, most females have suggested responding to rudeness by saying nothing and simply walking away, while most males have suggested saying something to punish the girl for being rude. I guess it's not surprising, as women approach OP's question from the "rude girl's" perspective, and want the OP to treat her the way they'd like to be treated in a similar situation. Guys, on the other hand, identify with the "victim" and hence suggest fighting fire with fire.And that is one reason why as a man, you should never take dating-related advice from women (and probably vice versa).

 

Anyone who tells you that it takes balls to "be a better man" and walk away in silence is not being honest. Cowering and walking away in shame is the easiest course of action and something that would give the "rude girl" an ego boost and the satisfaction of knowing that she has just ruined your day. It's standing up for yourself and not letting others (whether male or female) treat you like sh*t is what takes balls.

 

The easiest way to bring a b*tchy woman down a few notches is through a direct, hostile confrontation (though nothing physical, of course). Women are good at spreading rumors and other underhanded tactics, but they are usually afraid of direct face to face confrontations, especially with strangers. So if she's acting stand-offish or downright rude, call her out and embarrass her in front of her friends by telling her what an arrogant, stuck up b*tch she is (but don't let yourself get angy - say it in a calm, collected manner). Chances are, she would have no idea how to respond to that because nothing like that has ever happened to her before and she's used to guys walking away embarrassed. I can also guarantee that it would ruin the rest of her day.

 

So never take dating advice from people who are part of the gender that you want to date?

 

And also attempt to ruin a woman's day but insulting her if she doesn't seem to be interested in your attention?

 

Great way to meet someone to date, have sex with. Fantastic. And the women watching will cheer you on, even the security guards will throw rose petals and hand you a medal and you'll forever be known as that charming attractive upstanding guy, who is great to spend time with and super sexy and let's not forget, very mature.

[Taramere]

So never take dating advice from people who are part of the gender that you want to date?

 

And also attempt to ruin a woman's day but insulting her if she doesn't seem to be interested in your attention?

 

I know. I can remember, from my late teens and early twenties, guys who behaved like that. I don't know whether being a wanker is fashionable in 2010...but back then, most people I knew (male and female) just despised them.

 

This notion that women's jaws are going to drop in astonishment if ever a man is rude to them; I wonder where on earth does that idea come from? I sometimes wonder if drunk, obnoxious idiots who respond to other people's attempts to ignore them with verbal abuse and insults are some kind of rare species in the US....and if this is why so much is made on the Internet of the alleged wondrousness of behaving like an arsehole.

 

Ladies of the US...if it really is true that you secretly adore arseholes, and are exposed to so few of them that an insult from a dickhead in a bar would send your eyebrows to the back of your head in astonishment.....feel free to visit my city. We'll go for a group night out. You'll find no shortage of spitting, puking, cursing, aggressively yelling drunks who will be happy to verbally abuse you to your heart's content.

Edited April 1, 2010 by Taramere

[blind_otter]

If rude behavior was not discouraged, it would be commonplace. Go to any third world country and you'll see what I mean. Sometimes yo have to fight fire with fire.

 

I have read several books on parenting and discipline. The word discipline is related to the word disciple. You must teach, not punish, if you truly want to curtail unwanted behavior.

 

All you have to do is try to parent a toddler for more than 2 hours using this method and you will realize how futile it is.

 

"An eye for an eye would leave the whole world blind."

[Lights]

That would be true if you were talking about a civilised cocktail party...but in a busy bar environment some approaches women have to spend their time fending off are alcohol or drug fuelled...

 

He might have had a few drinks for Dutch courage...

Certainly men are not the only alcohol- and drug-users in bars?

 

whereas if a guy responds to abruptness in a polite but distant manner, then leaves, the woman is more likely to question herself for being abrupt to someone who turned out to be a pretty normal, cool guy.

 

Really? I've yet to see any evidence of such a thing. They don't exactly walk up to you as you leave and say "Hey, I acted bitchily. A mistake on my part. Please don't ruin my reputation for it."

 

Also insulting a woman makes you look weak, especially to other women who might be interested in you already.

How much good is the alternative in terms of other women who might be interested? I've yet to ever encounter something like this:

 

"Hi."

"I DON'T ****ING THINK SO."

"Have a nice night."

"Hey, don't worry about her. She's a bit messed in the head. <winks and hands her own phone number>."

Edited April 1, 2010 by Lights

[Johnny M]

What do you mean? I think people in the third world countries are friendlier than many in the rich countries...you want to see rude? go to Germany, Montreal...oh and right here, in NYC...

Been to Germany, Montreal and NYC....trust me, you have NO IDEA what 'rude' is if those places are your point of reference. Try going to Russia or China for example...I'm not even talking about places like Africa and the Middle East.

[Johnny M]

So never take dating advice from people who are part of the gender that you want to date?

That is absolutely correct, Silkrose. Asking members of the opposite sex for dating advice is like asking your employees how much they should get paid. You are never going to get an answer that takes your best interest into account.

[Taramere]

Certainly men are not the only alcohol- and drug-users in bars?

 

No, they're not. Though I have to say that I've never seen a physical catfight break out in a bar (seen the odd situation in the street)...but I have seen plenty of fights break out between men. Men are far more prone to becoming overtly aggressive to a level that's likely to get them thrown out or result in having the police called. Why risk getting into that by picking a quarrel with a girl in a bar?

 

I just think that if someone has expressed an interest in another person and been knocked back, the best thing the rejectee can do is get away from the rejecter asap. If a woman has rejected you in a hostile or bitchy manner, maybe you could give her a look of mild disgust and say "Jesus" before walking off...but trying to get into some insulting back and forth will only make it look like you're still trying to get in there.

 

If she's just been a bit standoffish and hasn't really taken you on, I don't think there's any call to be rude. That's just a non verbal way of saying "I'm not interested". I really think the best way to respond to that would just be to pretend your eye has been caught by someone else, tap her a very light "goodbye" on the arm, say "see you" then walk on.

 

Apart from anything else, you just don't know who you might be dealing with or when you might bump into them again. As LB has said - if you really get into it with them, then they most probably will take note of and remember you. Which might sound great, until you discover later on that there's some sort of professional connection, or they're a friend's sister, or they have a boyfriend who's a bit psychotic and likes any excuse to get his mates together and pile into some poor guy who's walking home on his own.

 

It's just silly to create a battle out of a little knock back that could be forgotten about by both you and her within the hour.

[blind_otter]

Ladies of the US...if it really is true that you secretly adore arseholes, and are exposed to so few of them that an insult from a dickhead in a bar would send your eyebrows to the back of your head in astonishment.....feel free to visit my city. We'll go for a group night out. You'll find no shortage of spitting, puking, cursing, aggressively yelling drunks who will be happy to verbally abuse you to your heart's content.

 

I'm there, darling. Let's do!

 

I have no idea what it feels like to have a man punch me in the face, so this will be an eye-swelling experience.

 

Let the arsehole parade begin!!

[Taramere]

I'm there, darling. Let's do!

 

I have no idea what it feels like to have a man punch me in the face, so this will be an eye-swelling experience.

 

Let the arsehole parade begin!!

 

It'll be a freebie night - we don't need to visit any clubs at all. All we need to do is walk up and down the main drag between the hours of 11am and 2am...tottering in a pair of impossibly high heels and wearing impossibly short skirts. Slap on your fake tan, girl, and brace yourself because it's still a bit chilly. It'll be worth it though, because within minutes a likely lad will run up and shove his hand up your skirt or mine. Most probably yours as I'm a bit past my sell by now. Then you or I will yell "fok oaf ye fokkin bam", and then one or both of us will have an eye blackened.

 

Bad girls who are bad boys, who like bad boys to be bad girls, who do bad boys like they're bad girls, who do bad girls like they're bad boys. Always should be someone you really love.

[Taramere]

typical girls do this

ignornore the nice guys and have sex with the ones who stuck their hands up

 

Bad boys are better at recognisisising sarcasm.

[Taramere]

bad boys are better at everything to women

bad boys can get away with anything

 

What "bad boys" seem to excel at more than anything is impressing and attracting other men.

 

If you're itching for a roasting, as I suspect you are, pop over with Blind Otter and I'll try to fix you up with a couple of bad boys.

[blind_otter]

What "bad boys" seem to excel at more than anything is impressing and attracting other men.

 

If you're itching for a roasting, as I suspect you are, pop over with Blind Otter and I'll try to fix you up with a couple of bad boys.

 

Hooray. Sausage rolls at long last.

[Taramere]

you and otter love bad boys

 

You're projecting your homo-erotic longings onto the pair of us, you naughty little thing. See? Five minutes chatting hanging out with the girls, and you're getting badder already. All this nonsense about only taking dating advice from men....

 

women excel at lying

 

We'll teach you.

 

How many should a 39 year old have slept with

at least 4?

 

Just think of the number of women you failed to get into the sack, and double it. Works for plenty of other men.

 

Ill lie and say 4 to the next woman when I realy still have my v-card lying women gave me bull advice for years

 

They'll know you're a virgin as soon as you start fumbling around, but feel free to lie if you think that will put you in a better light.

 

Have you considered hiring the services of a professional? Taking proper precautionary measures, of course. I mean, I know it's Loveshack and people will dive in to caution "your first time should be special and meaningful...shouldn't be with a prostitute" etc etc. However, you could look on it as a technical training. Something that would leave you with basic knowledge of what to do.

 

Assuming you genuinely are a 39 year old virgin (and not that LA-based playa-troll with an unintelligible username beginning with T who disappeared round about the same time you appeared) getting some basic training from an understanding prostitute might alleviate some of your anxieties about the whole virgin thing.

[Engadget]

I'm talking to a girl off and on that I truly, truly do not understand. She's physically beautiful, but personality wise all over the place.

 

She flirts with me, gave me her number but when I've tried to engage her in conversation she shuts down, and lately has even become hostile towards me.

 

I made it clear when we started talking that I was looking to get to know her as a friend for now, and that was all. She claims she hasn't been single for almost 6 years, always jumping into relationships. I was truly trying to get to know her, because her friend offered me to move into their house with them, and I can't live with people I don't know.

 

She's shy, but claims she isn't. It's just odd how she went from open to talking, to shutting down and acting hostile towards me, even using veiled insults. Then she'll go back to being sort of nice, then back again. I'm not inexperienced with women, but this one confuses me to no end.

[SilkRose]

That is absolutely correct, Silkrose. Asking members of the opposite sex for dating advice is like asking your employees how much they should get paid. You are never going to get an answer that takes your best interest into account.

 

That's an incorrect analogy. People I date are not employees. They don't recieve a salary or provide payslips. I don't audit their performance or organise their taxes.

[torranceshipman]

I asked this before but didn't get a lot of feed back. If you're genuinely just trying to be friendly and meet a girl (you're not "hollering" at her' date=' cat-calling her or otherwise harassing her) but she either being stand-off-ish, stonewalling you completely, or being rude and hostile, what's the best way to respond? What can a guy do or say that's not either weak nor reactive?[/quote']

 

Why on earth would you want to respond? She's giving you a clear message that she isn't interested so just move on.

[donnamaybe]

Alright' date=' once I way at a club, and there was a girl wearing sunglasses. I got up to the girl and said "Hey, I like the shades." She then looked at me, I think (I couldn't tell through the sunglasses) and looked away. I wondered if she heard me or knew who said it, so I said, "Hey, I said I like the shades" a bit louder again, but she just looked back and walked away.[/quote']

 

"Apparently the shades are to hide the ugly grimace you must be perpetually wearing."

 

Another time' date=' there were 2 girls sitting at a table, and they were sharing one of those giant martinis; the kind that are the size of a salad bowl. I got up and said, "Oh wow... that looks... like SO much fun! What is that?" And one of the girls just said, "No thank you?" I replied, "No thank you [i']what[/i]? I just want to know what that is and how you got it?" but the girl just yelled, "We're not interested!" I couldn't believe it.

 

"You must have mistaken me for someone who could find either of you interesting."

 

Then let it go.

[tami-chan]

Been to Germany, Montreal and NYC....trust me, you have NO IDEA what 'rude' is if those places are your point of reference. Try going to Russia or China for example...I'm not even talking about places like Africa and the Middle East.

 

Actually, I lived in Germany and been to Montreal many times..and of course, I am a Jersey Girl and go to the City quite a bit. 'Have vacationed in Africa, too and China. But have never been to Russia (besides, Russia is not really a "third world" country") or the Middle East(but have been to North Africa-Egypt, for example). I have been to many countries considered "third world"-mostly in Asia, and the Americas. Certainly, there were rude people, but I did not find it to be the norm.

 

I am actually relieved that I have "no idea" on the kind of rudeness that you know-maybe it has something to do you?

 

By the way, I am just curious, what is it that you mean by "third world"-it looks like you are embracing the "colloquial" meaning.

[SilkRose]

Why on earth would you want to respond? She's giving you a clear message that she isn't interested so just move on.

 

So, so true! There's so much good advice on this thread, the question seems to have been answered over and over. If she doesn't seem interested, leave her alone.

[cooldudeinberlin]

Im not sure... Ive never had to deal with rude, stuck-up, stand-offish or hostile women socially... nor would I... I dont have patience for anyone, regardless if a woman with such limited social skills or lack of self respect.

[edinsvet]

I asked this before but didn't get a lot of feed back. If you're genuinely just trying to be friendly and meet a girl (you're not "hollering" at her' date=' cat-calling her or otherwise harassing her) but she either being stand-off-ish, stonewalling you completely, or being rude and hostile, what's the best way to respond? What can a guy do or say that's not either weak nor reactive?[/quote']

 

I had to deal with this one many times. Especially in Night Clubs. I found the best way to handle this is to act like they just said something nice to you, put on a huge warm smile, be extra polite, and make up an excuse to walk away.

 

First of all, other girls in the room may be watching you. You don't want to walk away like the dog with his tail between his legs or let anyone see that talking to you means confrontation. Act like nothing is wrong tell them it was nice chatting with them they look great but you just realized that you forgot something somewhere or something or your friend is calling you or you need to "see a man about a horse".

 

This will accomplish a few things. First it will make them relaxed, so you don't look like an idiot in front of the other people in the room, and your conversation will appear more natural. They will almost always be happy and polite to say goodbye at that point. Second it will take there guard down and maybe even give you an opportunity to possibly even go back later. Realize that by doing this, the situation has changed. You are rejecting them, but being smooth about it.

 

This will help keep your mood good for meeting someone who is truly interested.

 

Whatever you do! Do not be rude back to them. Any other girl who is watching the interaction will want to avoid you after they see that. And it will just put both of you in a bad mood.

 

It is part of the game, but if you handle it properly it shouldn't be upsetting.

[edinsvet]

Yeah' date=' but on the occasions I have run into a girl that was just ignoring me or being rude or hostile, I felt like walking away without saying anything made them feel superior. Is there anything I can do or say that would either make them reconsider warm up to me, make them feel guilty for being rude or to take them down a peg or two?[/quote']

 

Yes read my post above

[SilkRose]

I had to deal with this one many times. Especially in Night Clubs. I found the best way to handle this is to act like they just said something nice to you, put on a huge warm smile, be extra polite, and make up an excuse to walk away.

 

First of all, other girls in the room may be watching you. You don't want to walk away like the dog with his tail between his legs or let anyone see that talking to you means confrontation. Act like nothing is wrong tell them it was nice chatting with them they look great but you just realized that you forgot something somewhere or something or your friend is calling you or you need to "see a man about a horse".

 

This will accomplish a few things. First it will make them relaxed, so you don't look like an idiot in front of the other people in the room, and your conversation will appear more natural. They will almost always be happy and polite to say goodbye at that point. Second it will take there guard down and maybe even give you an opportunity to possibly even go back later. Realize that by doing this, the situation has changed. You are rejecting them, but being smooth about it.

 

This will help keep your mood good for meeting someone who is truly interested.

 

Whatever you do! Do not be rude back to them. Any other girl who is watching the interaction will want to avoid you after they see that. And it will just put both of you in a bad mood.

 

It is part of the game, but if you handle it properly it shouldn't be upsetting.

 

What you've said is so true. If a man responded to my 'No' in this way I'd have respect for him and tell my friends so he'd have a good rep amoung them. This is the response of a man with maturity and consideration. Well put.