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How do you deal with rude, stuck-up, stand-off-ish or hostile girls?

Don'tWannabeAWannabe

By Don'tWannabeAWannabe
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Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted

If a man approaches a girl in a club and is met with "standoffishness" or even rudeness, and hits back with "aggression" as has been suggested in this thread - that guy will have made a lasting impression of being a loser. AND, the woman in question, though probably disliking the exchange, will still be in a position of power for having evoked such a display.

 

Insecure guys think that walking away is equal to "cowering," etc. A confident guy WILL either not be interested in the girl anymore because she was a beeotch, or understand that she is not interested in him. Move on - no loss, no gain.

 

Clubs are brutal places. If you can't handle rejection, don't go there to talk to girls.

Johnny M Established Member

Johnny M

Posted
Posted
Insecure guys think that walking away is equal to "cowering," etc. A confident guy WILL either not be interested in the girl anymore because she was a beeotch, or understand that she is not interested in him. Move on - no loss, no gain.

A confident man doesn't need to chase women, so it's unlikely that he would find himself hitting on random girls at clubs in the first place.

 

I think some people are misunderstanding the purpose of this thread. The OP is asking for advice on how to respond to a girl who hurts his feelings and makes him feel bad. It's obvious that a confident man would not give two sh*ts about some random broad. But many men are not confident. That doesn't mean they deserve to be treated like sh*t. Basically, what this guy is asking for is advice on retribution. He wants her to have a negative experience and ruin her day (it doesn't matter if she thinks that he is a loser for doing so - he is not trying to salvage his reputation in her eyes). There's no point in chastising the OP for being insecure - I'm pretty sure he already knows that.

Lights Established Member

Lights

Posted
Posted
A confident man doesn't need to chase women, so it's unlikely that he would find himself hitting on random girls at clubs in the first place.

How is such a thing possible? Isn't it pretty obvious that someone has to do some form of "chasing" (i.e. approaching a stranger) in any given location, whether in clubs or otherwise, for any interaction to happen? If a "confident" man doesn't have to do so, how are his interactions with female strangers even happening, outside being introduced by a third party and/or having sufficient luck that women "chase" him?

Johnny M Established Member

Johnny M

Posted
Posted
How is such a thing possible? Isn't it pretty obvious that someone has to do some form of "chasing" (i.e. approaching a stranger) in any given location, whether in clubs or otherwise, for any interaction to happen? If a "confident" man doesn't have to do so, how are his interactions with female strangers even happening, outside being introduced by a third party and/or having sufficient luck that women "chase" him?

From my experience, confident men draw people to themselves and can usually pick dates from their social circles. They don't need to resort to "numbers game" strategies like hitting on girls at clubs or random places.

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

Posted
Posted
From my experience, confident men draw people to themselves and can usually pick dates from their social circles. They don't need to resort to "numbers game" strategies like hitting on girls at clubs or random places.

 

That's actually an interesting insight which explains why a lot of women do not like to be approached in bars - and why bars offer such terrible returns for men.

 

Until I moved to a bigger city, I absolutely hated being approached in a bar. The guys I would date were always from within my social circle. (so the confident guys in Johnny M's scenario). Now, the only times I like being approached in a bar is when I give signs of encouragements (ie, I will catch his eyes and smile).

 

So, one of the reasons "hot girls" (not that I'm saying I am) are cold to bar approaches is that they're likely already in social circles, or within social mechanisms, which dispenses them from having to pay attention to guys in bars.

Lights Established Member

Lights

Posted
Posted (edited)
From my experience, confident men draw people to themselves and can usually pick dates from their social circles. They don't need to resort to "numbers game" strategies like hitting on girls at clubs or random places.

 

How is this initial drawing-people-to-oneself done? I'll admit that I'm not confident, but absolutely zero women have ever been drawn to me; not a single "Hi. I'm Jen. I find you cute..." (or any other approach) has ever happened in my life.

Edited by Lights
Johnny M Established Member

Johnny M

Posted
Posted
How is this initial drawing-people-to-oneself done? I'll admit that I'm not confident, but absolutely zero women have ever been drawn to me; not a single "Hi. I'm Jen. I find you cute..." (or any other approach) has ever happened in my life.

Confidence is a natural consequence of various positive personality traits. Confident people tend to be upbeat, assertive, natural leaders, secure with themselves, not sweat the small stuff, etc. Such people are naturally likable and everyone wants to be around them - they have an aura that draws other people in.

troggleputty Established Member

troggleputty

Posted
Posted
I asked this before but didn't get a lot of feed back. If you're genuinely just trying to be friendly and meet a girl (you're not "hollering" at her' date=' cat-calling her or otherwise harassing her) but she either being stand-off-ish, stonewalling you completely, or being rude and hostile, what's the best way to respond? What can a guy do or say that's not either weak nor reactive?[/quote']

 

 

Smile and say, "Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to bother you. Have a nice day." Then move on.

 

(I mean was this a trick question or something?)

troggleputty Established Member

troggleputty

Posted
Posted
How is this initial drawing-people-to-oneself done? I'll admit that I'm not confident, but absolutely zero women have ever been drawn to me; not a single "Hi. I'm Jen. I find you cute..." (or any other approach) has ever happened in my life.

 

 

It's actually far more likely that at least one or two or three women have found you attractive but if you're a very shy and unconfident person you were probably too centered on yourself to notice the attention they were trying to give you.

 

Self-consciousness is self-defeating.

 

If you're not catching any fish consider trying a different stream.

LucreziaBorgia Established Member

LucreziaBorgia

Posted
Posted

I can tell you this much: if you just walk away, you will disappear off their radar and out of their memory almost instantly. If you hand their behavior back to them twice (like the implied insult I mentioned earlier) not only will these girls remember you - they'll talk about you for a long, long time afterward.

 

Is that a good thing or bad? I guess it depends on whether you want to be nice and invisible or bad and noticeable. You might find if you see the same girls in the same place with one or two of their other friends, not only will they recognize you, they'll point you out and talk about you - which may or may not work in your favor. But be assured - you'll have their attention depending on how low you got their jaws to drop when you put them in their place after being rude.

sumdude Established Member

sumdude

Posted
Posted
If a man approaches a girl in a club and is met with "standoffishness" or even rudeness, and hits back with "aggression" as has been suggested in this thread - that guy will have made a lasting impression of being a loser. AND, the woman in question, though probably disliking the exchange, will still be in a position of power for having evoked such a display.

 

Insecure guys think that walking away is equal to "cowering," etc. A confident guy WILL either not be interested in the girl anymore because she was a beeotch, or understand that she is not interested in him. Move on - no loss, no gain.

 

Clubs are brutal places. If you can't handle rejection, don't go there to talk to girls.

 

That's why I prefer the smarta** yet not aggressive verbal parting shot. It's much more fun.

 

Then again I don't usually go out to clubs to 'hit on' women.

Engadget Established Member

Engadget

Posted
Posted
If a man approaches a girl in a club and is met with "standoffishness" or even rudeness, and hits back with "aggression" as has been suggested in this thread - that guy will have made a lasting impression of being a loser. AND, the woman in question, though probably disliking the exchange, will still be in a position of power for having evoked such a display.

 

Insecure guys think that walking away is equal to "cowering," etc. A confident guy WILL either not be interested in the girl anymore because she was a beeotch, or understand that she is not interested in him. Move on - no loss, no gain.

 

Clubs are brutal places. If you can't handle rejection, don't go there to talk to girls.

 

I disagree entirely, if a woman gives you an assertive/bitchy response and you just sulk away, THEN you're going to be seen as a loser. Having a verbal sparring match will spark the sexual tension, trust me, it's the type of girls I'm usually interested in.

 

This is however different than a stuck up, snotty woman. Then they're not even worthy of being spoken to. The ones who think they're hot ****.

Lights Established Member

Lights

Posted
Posted (edited)
It's actually far more likely that at least one or two or three women have found you attractive but if you're a very shy and unconfident person you were probably too centered on yourself to notice the attention they were trying to give you.

 

No.

 

I am not deaf. If someone approached me I would know. It is not very easy to mistake something like "Hi, I'm Kylie. I'd like to get to know you better...". It has not happened at all. Zero. Not one or two or three.

 

I know for a fact that people are not drawn to me because no one (of either gender) approaches me. And no, I can tell for a fact that this isn't about being centered on myself.

 

If you're not catching any fish consider trying a different stream.

What does this mean?

 

 

I disagree entirely, if a woman gives you an assertive/bitchy response

 

Just pointing out here: Assertiveness and bitchcraft aren't anything near the same thing.

Edited by Lights
SummerLady Established Member

SummerLady

Posted
Posted
Girls like it when they get attention

So deal with them by not giving them any more attention, and pretending they don't exist

Find ones that deserve your attention

 

I am somewhat shy so when I get this type of attention it throws me off. So don't always assume its done on purpose. I see where you could see it as something else.

threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

Posted
Posted (edited)

It's interesting how men don't like to be told upfront that a girl they've approached isn't interested. And yet, if she's nice to him, she's leading him on, if she's not interested. As well, if she continues to chat with him, it reduces the chance that someone OF interest, might approach.

 

Sounds to me like men just don't want to be rejected...period, and anyone who does it, is a rude bitch.

 

Edit - I kenna resist pushing this button, considering how many times you hear this from men on LS, about women.

 

Men can't handle honesty!! :laugh:

Edited by threebyfate
Lights Established Member

Lights

Posted
Posted
It's interesting how men don't like to be told upfront that a girl they've approached isn't interested...

 

Men can't handle honesty!! :laugh:

 

Not really. It can be done in a civilized way that doesn't insult or otherwise attack the other person. (I've encountered it myself. I don't think that's what too many people here are really posting about, though.)

threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

Posted
Posted
Not really. It can be done in a civilized way that doesn't insult or otherwise attack the other person. (I've encountered it myself. I don't think that's what too many people here are really posting about.)
How about this?

"No thank you"
To me, that's pretty civilized.
Johnny M Established Member

Johnny M

Posted
Posted
It's interesting how men don't like to be told upfront that a girl they've approached isn't interested. And yet, if she's nice to him, she's leading him on, if she's not interested. As well, if she continues to chat with him, it reduces the chance that someone OF interest, might approach.

 

Sounds to me like men just don't want to be rejected...period, and anyone who does it, is a rude bitch.

 

Edit - I kenna resist pushing this button, considering how many times you hear this from men on LS, about women.

 

Men can't handle honesty!! :laugh:

This is such bullsh*t. When I get approached by a girl I don't find attractive, I'm always courteous and polite and willing to entertain a question or two. The way I let her know that I'm not interested is by a) only answering her questions but not asking anything about her or b) if she still doesn't get it, excusing myself and saying that I need to speak to somebody else.

 

People who can't reject an approach by a member of the opposite sex in a friendly/polite manner are lacking in either social skills or class (or both). So please don't give me this crap about women being "forced" to act like b*tches. I know plenty of women who can handle simple social situations in a classy manner.

blind_otter Established Member

blind_otter

Posted
Posted
I know plenty of women who can handle simple social situations in a classy manner.

 

I'm not sure how classy it is to act in a rude manner to anyone, regardless of how they behave towards you. It's just downright vindictive.

Johnny M Established Member

Johnny M

Posted
Posted
I'm not sure how classy it is to act in a rude manner to anyone, regardless of how they behave towards you. It's just downright vindictive.

If rude behavior was not discouraged, it would be commonplace. Go to any third world country and you'll see what I mean. Sometimes yo have to fight fire with fire.

cellardoor Member

cellardoor

Posted
Posted

There's no place for rudeness, but you can't get angry at a girl for not being interested. Maybe if you're eliciting this response from numerous girls you should look at the root of the problem and re-evaluate your approach?

 

There is nothing you can say that won't make you look bitter.

 

I've had guys approach me, and I've done the polite "thank you" thing, and then tried to make my escape. In my experience you give them an inch and they run a mile, and any sort of niceness on your part is radically interpreted as "Pursue me all night, please, I want you". So you get annoyed, and finally you snap and say something like "please, I'm not interested in talking to you", and they turn around and say something like "yeah well you're ugly!"

 

Please. Are you serious? You think knocking them down a peg is going to work after you've hit on them? The minute you try to pick up a woman you kill your defense and give them the upper hand in one fell swoop!

 

You call them ugly/fat/uninteresting? But weren't you just trying to get their attention? It's contradictory, and looks like you're bitter.

 

Having said all that, don't bother with people who are rude like that, just maybe suss out the situation a little better before plunging right in there. Offer a smile, if they don't return it, walk away with your dignity still in tact.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted
I disagree entirely, if a woman gives you an assertive/bitchy response and you just sulk away, THEN you're going to be seen as a loser. Having a verbal sparring match will spark the sexual tension, trust me, it's the type of girls I'm usually interested in.

 

****.

 

I did not suggest that the fellow "sulk" away. He should maintain his manners and walk away. Some fluffchick that he doesn't even know should not warrant any behavior flare-up at all.

 

A verbal sparring match is inspiring, it's true, and more power to you if you can get one going after being soundly rejected or ignored.

 

Trust ME. I am a woman and I have had a lot of experience in my life being hit on in clubs. In the past, of course, as I am now elderly.

tami-chan Established Member

tami-chan

Posted
Posted
If rude behavior was not discouraged, it would be commonplace. Go to any third world country and you'll see what I mean. Sometimes yo have to fight fire with fire.

 

What do you mean? I think people in the third world countries are friendlier than many in the rich countries...you want to see rude? go to Germany, Montreal...oh and right here, in NYC...

 

That said, there is no excuse for rudeness, really.

Taramere Established Member

Taramere

Posted
Posted (edited)
This is such bullsh*t. When I get approached by a girl I don't find attractive, I'm always courteous and polite and willing to entertain a question or two. The way I let her know that I'm not interested is by a) only answering her questions but not asking anything about her or b) if she still doesn't get it, excusing myself and saying that I need to speak to somebody else.

 

People who can't reject an approach by a member of the opposite sex in a friendly/polite manner are lacking in either social skills or class (or both). So please don't give me this crap about women being "forced" to act like b*tches. I know plenty of women who can handle simple social situations in a classy manner.

 

That would be true if you were talking about a civilised cocktail party...but in a busy bar environment some approaches women have to spend their time fending off are alcohol or drug fuelled, and downright obnoxious. Some men go around bars just spoiling for a fight. Particularly, perhaps, the men who find it difficult to approach women - and will often therefore be charged up with a combination of lust and resentment.

 

When a stranger makes an approach in a bar, there's always going to be a few seconds where you're maintaining a certain wariness while checking out what kind of state this person is in. Is he drunk? Is he giving off vibes of someone who's likely to turn obnoxious at any minute? I think when people read advice on message boards, they picture real life situations they've been in - and imagine the person attempting to put the message board advice into practice in those situations.

 

You're telling guys that if they feel snubbed by a group of women, they should respond rudely. Well, take various factors into account. The guy might be going out in a bad, overly sensitive frame of mind where any rejection of his advances, however diplomatic, strikes him as being rude or bitchy. He might have had a few drinks for Dutch courage. Add in your advice ringing in his head, and an unsuccessful attempt to approach a woman in a bar could quickly turn into an unpleasant scene.

 

Will that result in the woman caught up in that scene deciding "well...next time I'm approached by some strange guy in a bar, I'm going to be really friendly and welcoming..."? Of course it won't. She's going to be even warier. The stand-offish thing isn't a "bitch shield" as the PUA community likes to term it. It's a wanker shield. A sex pest shield. An idiot who is spoiling for a squabble with a group of women shield.

 

Every time some guy who is snubbed in his attempt to pick up a woman retaliates aggressively, he's basically confessing "yes..I am that wanker. I am that idiot who was spoiling for a fight with a woman." It's vindicates use of the wanker shield....whereas if a guy responds to abruptness in a polite but distant manner, then leaves, the woman is more likely to question herself for being abrupt to someone who turned out to be a pretty normal, cool guy.

Edited by Taramere
SilkRose Established Member

SilkRose

Posted
Posted

Just move on. Walking away is the best thing to do. It means that you can stop wasting your time on someone who isn't interested.

 

Also if you start trying to be funny or insulting, then you may just get a reputation for being the guy who can't just walk away, a desperate immature creep...and if you keep going to the same clubs/bars, that kind of gossip spreads. That could ruin your chances with other women in those same places or who live in that same town for the future because you'll become known as 'that guy'.

 

Also insulting a woman makes you look weak, especially to other women who might be interested in you already.

 

Lastly a lot of women can really dish it out and say things that may knock your confidence way more than the responses you've had. They could cuss you out, shame you publicly, it's not worth it. Just focus on meeting someone who interests you and who is interested in return.

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