SolSilva Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Hi everyone, I'm a newbie here... I need some help, and I've read some of your posts and it seems that you know much more than me about how to handle a long distance relationship. I hope someone can help me... this is my love story: I live in Cancun, Mexico and I met this wonderful dutch guy... I fell in love with him since the very first moment I saw him. He was living here at that time (2008). We started a beautiful relationship and I fell madly in love with him. We moved together and lived 4 months the most amazing romance I have ever had. Because of work and finance reasons he had to go back to The Netherlands, and we decided to continue the relationship as Long Distance. I am a single mother, so it was not easy for me to move out of the country at that moment. The first couple of months everything was ok, but then the communication started failing, we didn't speak or im or anything... just random emails once in a while. So, I got desperate and bored, because he was not responsive to anything and he kept telling me he didn't even know when he was going to be able to come back. He knew for me was even more difficult because of the financial situation in Mexico, so we just stopped talking, completely for around 5 months. After that he started calling again, he said he couldn't live without me and that he missed me and that he wanted to get the things right between us, because he realized I was the one for him. He then invited me to Holland, and I went because I still love him too and I still believe we can make it work. I spent a month there and everything was awesome. He introduced me to his family and they even ask me about kids and marriage and he happily answered positively to all those questions. We got to the agreement we are going to find a way to be together and formalize completely. I had to come back to Mexico, bc my daughter is here, and he will come see us in September. The bottom line is that I am moving to Holland with him next year. The problem is that when we are separated he is like a completely different person, I don't know him at all. He doesn't want to do anything, like watch movies together or find a game or something. When we skype-chat he is uninterested even sometimes rude, and he doesn't talk a lot. I have spoken to him a couple of times, but then I feel like I'm being pushy or too needy... I don't want to ask him to be interested or to tell me he misses me all the time... sometimes I've felt like he doesn't love me, he doesn't let me in his life, and he is not interested in mine either, this of course depresses me deeply. I really don't know what to do, I don't want to be like a crazy stalker, I just want him to be the person he is when we're together... I am so afraid now, that I am gonna leave everything so we can be together an all of a sudden he becomes this weird quiet insensible person... please help, I need some advice... Thank you so much
noekula Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Hmm, seems a bit odd to me. In my opinion, there are a couple different things that might be going on. The distance is stressing him - He could be overwhelmed that you two are so far away and it actually very stressed about the well being of your relationship. The reason he could be getting rude or seemingly uninterested because he's stressed out and miserable because you can't be together physically. He's busy and works all the time - Maybe he's always busy and thinking about work all the time. This ties into being stressed, but taking in another direction (he's stressed with his job.) Perhaps it's outside factors that are taking a toll on your relationship and not necessarily you that's the problem. He's not committed to you - Another potential reason is that he could be with you and with someone else in person. I don't want to mislead you, but it is a possibility. Maybe he's only interested in you when you're in person because he has someone to keep him occupied while you're not with him? I hope that it's not that case. Or, there could be something else that I'm missing. I hope that I helped out out somewhat. Whatever the case, you should talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel and how you would like it if he put it a bit more effort into you. If he loves you, he'll be more than happy to comply.
aerogurl87 Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Well I was gonna basically say what noekula said, lol. So yeah it could be any of those reasons, but either way you need to talk to him about it.
Away Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 The problem is that when we are separated he is like a completely different person, I don't know him at all. He doesn't want to do anything, like watch movies together or find a game or something. When we skype-chat he is uninterested even sometimes rude, and he doesn't talk a lot. I have spoken to him a couple of times, but then I feel like I'm being pushy or too needy... I don't want to ask him to be interested or to tell me he misses me all the time... sometimes I've felt like he doesn't love me, he doesn't let me in his life, and he is not interested in mine either, this of course depresses me deeply. Thank you so much Hi Silvia, I'm Mexican like you... and am dating an American guy who went off to live 10,000 miles away from me. In person he was amazing... but on skype, email, texting, etc... he seems cold and distant... I have the same worries as you... what I quoted from your post describes almost exactly how I feel a lot of the time... I've gone from thinking that he doesn't care and love me... to accepting that he's just like that... and I don't know maybe it's just a cultural difference, because us Mexican girls are used to being showered with attention, being the queen and center of the world... and maybe our guys are just not like the Mexican guys we've dated before?? That is my optimistic conclusion.. that he seems cold and distant because I'm used to A LOT of afection, even through non personal things such as messenger and stuff... anyway, I hope this helps... good luck!
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