Arizonaheart Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Been in an LDR for a year...Over the past year we have shared a deep chemistry. It helped that we knew each other back in grade school. We have had our share of ups and downs but nothing too extreme. Feb 9th my oldest daughter (21 yrs) was diagnosed w/Leukemia. She & I w/her bf & my bf had spent a weekend in Vegas right before the diagnosis. The day after we got home is when she ended up at the docs office then the hospital etc. Needless to say I was & am devasted. He lives 1800 miles away, involved in a family business. He is not very well to do financially but makes a point of obtaining his toys & other material desires. That being said I was VERY hurt when he didnt make a point of coming out to be my emotional support when I needed him most. Was I wrong to hope, wish perhaps expect him to do so? A couple weeks after diagnosis I realized I could not see myself relocating away from my daughter (cancer is deemed "safe" once the patient has been in remission for 5 yrs). Throughout the past year it has become pretty much assumed that I would be the one relocating to continue w/this relationship since it was my desire to move to his state even before we reaquinted. Of course my desire has completely changed in the past 7 weeks. I also have no desire to be in an LDR indefinitely. I told him this...we cried because it is not that we arent in love. The following morning he called saying he could come out within a matter of a couple weeks to visit. I accepted & we are now back together however I still cannot shake this disappointment that he didnt come til we had that 12 hrs of "break up". To top it off when he was at my house I felt he did nothing to help. I still had to work full time plus take my daughter for her blood transfusions. I have 3 other teen age children besides my 21 yr old. They have chores & such but also have work & school obligations. I would come home from work to the same sink full of dishes that were there when I left in the morning plus had to make dinner for us, clean up afterwards etc. Again, am I wrong to expect something from him that hasn't been communicated rather than him playing on the computer all day? When I am at his house I pitch in with cooking & cleaning. Come to think of it- if I was the visitor in the same situation I would have gone over & above no matter who they are. A side note: he has never been married nor does he have children... ARGH!!! I know I am the only one who can answer whether or not this is worth it nor do I want to set my own self expectations upon someone else.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 he has never been married nor does he have children... ... which is why he will not be able to see things from your POV, or be able to prioritize things (like expenses) in a way that will work best for everyone. You and he may have chemistry, but I'm not seeing anything else that he really has to offer other than that. Certainly not anything worth relocating your entire life for.
confused and broken Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 This is him... you either like it or you don't He will NOT change You have every right to want what you want but you have no right to expect someone to be what they are not Sometimes when you need someone the most is a good test to see if they will be there for you-- he wasn't you can do better
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