Crazy Magnet Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 The subject was lightly touched on over the past week or so. The BF has hinted around that he wants me to move in with him when my current lease is up in the fall. I know every relationship has its own pace, but for those of you who decided to move in together, how long did you wait to make the move? How did you ultimately decide that's what you wanted? How did it go?
alexlakeman Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 :laugh:How long have you been dating? I bet he wants to move into a bigger / more expensive place.. right? He just needs help with his rent.. probably doesn't give a sh.it about you.
terra Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Hey Crazy Magnet, I, like you, plan on moving in with my boyfriend once his lease is up. We have been together for about a year and a half. He basically lives at my place anyways so it would be more convenient for us and 'the next step'. Any advice out there from people to make this transition smooth?
Author Crazy Magnet Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 For my boyfriend it's a "next step" kind of thing. We will only have been together about 9 months when my lease is up, which almost seems too soon to me, but then when I think it's either that or a YEAR and nine months...Yikes! I lean towards sooner rather than later since I do want to get married and have kids and I'm not getting any younger! Plus I know he wants to live together before he proposes, and the way he phrased it, it didn't sound like he wanted to wait a year a nine months to move in, then to propose after that, etc. I guess he's at the age where he knows what he wants, and so I do. I've been around the block a few times, I know when I've hit the jackpot and this guy is it. I think I'm more keen on moving in since my roommate likes to make up weird rules to impose on his visiting. I think she's pissed that she's been waiting around for a proposal for 3 years in a lackluster relationship that's going nowhere and she can't stand the thought that someone might get what she wants before she does. (Oh girls are MEAN!) I can't tell you how many times I've heard "Well my BF and I do it this way, you guys need to do that too." Uh, no honey, I'm not waiting three years and begging for a ring, but you have fun with that. When I mentioned moving out, the first thing she said was "But I won't be engaged yet!" What!?! How is that relevant to my life? Oh, and it has nothing to do with getting a bigger place, he is a homeowner in a great neighborhood. No need to move elsewhere.
terra Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Well if you know what you want, he know what he wants then perfect! I agree with your guy, I would want to live together before getting engaged as well. Plus sounds like your guy would make a better house mate than your current one (she sounds like a bit of a biotch) I live alone and I like it so this moving in together makes me a tad nervous. My boyfriend is going to move in with me so I'm going to try my hardest to make it so that it's 'our' place. Let him put his stuff up, give him say on how things are organized stuff like that.
LittleMissWonder Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 9 months is plenty of time. it just depends on the extent of your connection that has built up in that time.
123BeachFan Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 So it sounds like you are feeling that 9 months is too short a time to move in with your BF, but a year and 9 months is too long to wait. Maybe you can renew a shorter lease (say 3-6 months) and decide then if you're ready to move in with him? Ideally, I'd say to date a year before making any big decisions (moving in, getting married, etc).
Author Crazy Magnet Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 I wish I could extend the lease. I tried that already. I guess the thought of finding what I want, getting what I want, and then having a real chance at happily ever after (given my previous marriage attempt) almost seems too good to be true. I need to get over that! I still have a couple of months to decide if that's what I really want to do. I think the BF was bringing it up so it wouldn't come out of the blue in a few months. I do love my roommate, and she's actually the best roommate I've ever had. But, she's weird when it comes to boys. Like, my BF is only allowed to stay over on a Friday or Saturday b/c she doesn't want to get ready in the morning with him in the house. Never mind that I'm upstairs with my own entrance at the back of the house and she lives downstairs on the opposite side of the house. He never has to go near her. (her boyfriend refuses to stay over during the week, so I suspect again that it's some weird jealous girl thing.)
make me believe Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I'm waiting until we're engaged. But since you don't want to do that, and your end-goal is marriage with this guy, I would make ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that the two of you are on the same page before you move in with him. Make sure he isn't telling you that he will propose "soon" just to get you to move in. Not trying to rain on your parade or anything, but it's happened before. I've read about guys who basically lure the girl into living with him with a false promise of a future engagement, when really he has no intention of EVER proposing and just wants the benefits of having his gf living with him. Just wondering, does your roommate own the house/apartment you're living in now? If not, it's really not fair for her to make up those ridiculous rules about when your bf can come over, especially since you have your own entrance and she'd never really even have to see him.
Author Crazy Magnet Posted April 1, 2010 Author Posted April 1, 2010 No she doesn't own it. I"m the one on the lease b/c her credit is so bad she can't rent anything. I'm not sure what she'll do when/if I move out. Yes, the rules are STUPID, especially for two women in their 30's. Other than that it's been fun to have a roommate. I hadn't had one since college and was tired of coming home to an empty house all the time. Yes, feel free to rain on the parade. That's my biggest fear, that I'll move in thinking there's a ring coming and then there won't be. I don't think I'm to the point where I need to point blank ask him if he intends to marry me one day, but he's said as much. Over the weekend he said he saw a future with marriage in it for us. Guys are usually direct about that stuff if they mean it I think and he wasn't beating around the bush or hinting, he flat out told me. Still though. I want to make sure! I'd much prefer a ring before moving in, but I'm willing to compromise.
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