Patrice Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Hi, My divorce was final last week. We were married for 26 years ... I'm having trouble coming out of the cave of a year of introspection and solitude. I've moved to a new community and most of my friends here are married and seem to be engaged in their own lives. Is it normal to go through the process of being quiet? How long does it last? I have been involved in a relationship during the year and that has ended. I'm finding I don't quite trust myself yet to select good men - the ex was very controlling and diagnosed with anxiety disorders - that disorder began several years of him covering his illness by making me feel bad about myself. Facebook has gotten me in touch with an old friend who claims he has been in love with me for 30 years - he has proposed - yet, lives overseas and wants me to move there to be with him. I'm fearful that this is yet another controlling man ... and I'm not quite sure why I attract those types of men. This is the process I have been working on during the solitude. I have a great job .. I'm attractive and a very nice person ... just don't know what's holding me back at this point. Thanks for listening, any suggestions would be appreciated.
just_some_guy Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Healthy happy people are attracted to other healthy happy people. Concentrate on becoming a healthy happy person, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Get out there and do the things you dreamed of. Travel, climb rocks, go paragliding, take cooking classes, ballroom dancing, charity work, politics, whatever. Get involved with people doing things you enjoy or at least think you might enjoy. The most likely place to find someone you have common ground with is where you are doing something that makes you happy.
PWSX3 Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 I wouldn't worry about getting into a relationship at this time. Spend the time to look at you & figure out what you want. Like just_some_guy said; do the things you weren't able to do, join a woman's group, try new hobbies, etc.... Lot of people feel these are sad times in your life, but to be honest you can learn so much about yourself.
dgiirl Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I would be leary of any man who has professes his love for you of 30 years, and proposes so quickly online, yet has lost contact with you in the recent years. He might be a nice man, but he isnt in love with you, but the image he has built up of you over the last 30 years. I think it's good for you to question his motives and it sounds like your gut feeling is warning you. I would follow your gut. Instead of dating at the moment, why don't you try to make some friendships with some women? Making new friends and pursuing new interests is a very healthy step in progressing from a divorce. Find ways to boost your self confidence without male attention. Once you have your self confidence back, you will attract healthier relationships.
mark982 Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 slow down and enjoy your new found freedom. hell, i'd do things i always wanted to do but was knocked for wanting to do them.
tnttim Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Are you dating to have a relationship, or dating to have fun? The latter will bring you way more happiness than looking for a relationship. Men are raised to be leaders and control is part of being a leader, though we should leave it out of our love lifes, few do. Women want a strong, in control man, but the line between having control and controlling is foggy. When you subconsciously have controlling man fears you will consciously look for the signs to affirm your beleifs. So in essence everyone is controlling because you are subconsciously fearful of it. It's like an addiction, your conscious mind says "I should stop this is killing me" while your unconscious mind is saying "I need more drugs because they make me feel great" What part of your mind wins this argument 99 outta 100 times? How do you fix it, just try to have fun on dates, don't focus on character flaws you'll have plenty of time for that when you start a relationship.
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