Dreamingoftiger's coping log

[You Go Girl]

I don't have a weight problem, but my H does.

I notice very different eating habits between overweight people and thinner people, not just the two of us.

Overweight people skip eating for many hours, then gourge.

Thinner people snack during the day (hopefully something healthy but not always) because they're sugar levels crash sooner. They simply don't have the stored energy to continue so many hours without eating.

Then because thinner people snacked earlier, they take much smaller portions when dinner comes around. Sure, their stomach isn't as large. But they are also simply less hungry.

This is the key to the breakfast idea and why it works, I think.

Everything I've ever read about dieting seems to be a losing path, never success, and huge weight losses only to be replaced by huge weight gains.

Changing your eating habits for life is the answer.

So you can eat some of that homemade mac-n-cheese, (I love it too!) But, portion control!

Change your eating habits for life, and don't worry about the scale. I think people who want to lose weight put such emotional pressure on themselves, it makes them nervous and that nervousness makes them run and eat. Take the pressure off yourself to lose weight. Put the pressure on yourself to change your eating habits, for now and forever.

[candymoon]

I don't have a weight problem, but my H does.

I notice very different eating habits between overweight people and thinner people, not just the two of us.

Overweight people skip eating for many hours, then gourge.

Thinner people snack during the day (hopefully something healthy but not always) because they're sugar levels crash sooner. They simply don't have the stored energy to continue so many hours without eating.

Then because thinner people snacked earlier, they take much smaller portions when dinner comes around. Sure, their stomach isn't as large. But they are also simply less hungry.

This is the key to the breakfast idea and why it works, I think.

Everything I've ever read about dieting seems to be a losing path, never success, and huge weight losses only to be replaced by huge weight gains.

Changing your eating habits for life is the answer.

So you can eat some of that homemade mac-n-cheese, (I love it too!) But, portion control!

Change your eating habits for life, and don't worry about the scale. I think people who want to lose weight put such emotional pressure on themselves, it makes them nervous and that nervousness makes them run and eat. Take the pressure off yourself to lose weight. Put the pressure on yourself to change your eating habits, for now and forever.

 

I totally agree YGG...

 

This is why I say, I strved myself fat. People mistakenly think that overweight people are all lazy and overeat all the time all day...that's not the case. when i look back at, from dinner the previous to breakfast the next day for me would be a whopping 17-20 hours! I was STARVING. so of course anything i ate, whether it was a carrot or a big mac, was stored. all of it! my bad habits started as a child around 7 or 8 because my mother was too depressed to get out of bed and feed her kids breakfast OR lunch OR a snack when we came hom from school. so we (me and my sibling who is morbidly obese now) pretty much starved, then gorged at dinner (she HAD to make dinner because my dad was home from work and demanded it).

 

so i am learning to change these habits around finally. at some points now, i have a couple of weeks where no pounds go away, but i maintain, even though in the present, i am eating more in a day than i did in 2-3 days before i changed my eating lifestyle.

 

those junk food casseroles... sounds scary! tbh, i despise mac n cheese. lol!

[dreamingoftigers]

Ugh we have a ton of pasta in the cupboard, I can't actually wait to get away from junk food.

 

The only to go food there seems to be around here is all crappy. I know that my H and I both feel crappy when we eat crappy food. It is really energy draining too. Stupid sugar cycle.

 

I skip breakfast all of the time and it's for the same reason as you CM, my family never did breakfast either, and if they did it was really high in fat. I am so sick of the up and down cycle and having my digestive system try to recover from the shock.

 

So for right now, because the grocery situation isn't going to get much better, I am focusing on the business and job finding. I sent out a couple more resumes yesterday and I have booked a couple more jobs besides the regular ones for cleaning. Things are getting better, they are just slow.

[dreamingoftigers]

This whole process really sucks!!!!!

 

According to my therapist and most of the recovery books that I have read we are supposed to wait until a year of recovery is finished before making any final decisions on our marriage.

 

Well I have been back and forth on it for weeks and have become really frustrated with myself and my marriage. I keep thinking, "I want out" followed by "oh we are really making progress."

 

Today I want out. Almost this whole week I want out.

 

I am not even sure when a year is technically up. The first major betrayal was discovered March 19 last year. He lied to that marital counselor for a few months. The lie were discovered August 12. The SA diagnosed in October. I was told that there hadn't been any indiscretion since August 12th but then discovered it as far along as March, the day I started this thread. The "counselling and recovery" started in November.

 

So is this recovery starting even though he was full of BS and didn't actually begin recovery until March (the day of this thread)?

 

My recovery started March 8. Should I start from there, because the idea is to see where you stand after becoming healthier for a significant amount of time?

 

I really want it to have been November because it just gets me closer to leaving.

 

My husband hasn't had any more indiscretions (that I am aware of). He seems to be making great changes the more I back away. He also seems to be sticking with it, but I thought so last time and I am just so sick of his crap.

 

I think all of the passion that we had before is totally dead. I don't want to sleep with him again, but I am not sure if this is normal in recovery. I don't want him to see me naked anymore. I don't think he is attracted to me, despite what he says. I wish I didn't have to see him again.

 

I don't believe in divorce unless you have done all that you can to save a relationship. I guess now I just have to put in the time, but I feel so much guilt toward my daughter. Would it really be better to be divorced for her?

 

She and her dad are so close and it would break my heart for her to only have him on weekends which I know would end up being the arrangement. Should I wait and see if things change? Should I give it one more StUPId chance? Or should I just say f- it? Most people would have given up 5 times ago. I feel very frustrated. He seems to finally be becoming the man I was married to again, but how do I really know this isn't another round of bs? Do I even really care anymore?

 

I hate relationships.

[candymoon]

 

She and her dad are so close and it would break my heart for her to only have him on weekends which I know would end up being the arrangement. Should I wait and see if things change? Should I give it one more StUPId chance? Or should I just say f- it? Most people would have given up 5 times ago. I feel very frustrated. He seems to finally be becoming the man I was married to again, but how do I really know this isn't another round of bs? Do I even really care anymore?

 

I hate relationships.

 

Sounds like we're having the same kind of day.

 

I pretty much asked myself these same questions all day today... and the day before... and the day before... it all comes down to trust, doesnt it? Sounds like you just really doubt whether you can trust him again... only you can decide that. Do you have enough faith that he (and you) could get him to the point where you could trust him again? And maybe the most important--do you still love him? If you don't then then it's probably already answered...

 

big hugs, DoT!

[dreamingoftigers]

I don't have a weight problem, but my H does.

I notice very different eating habits between overweight people and thinner people, not just the two of us.

Overweight people skip eating for many hours, then gourge.

Thinner people snack during the day (hopefully something healthy but not always) because they're sugar levels crash sooner. They simply don't have the stored energy to continue so many hours without eating.

Then because thinner people snacked earlier, they take much smaller portions when dinner comes around. Sure, their stomach isn't as large. But they are also simply less hungry.

This is the key to the breakfast idea and why it works, I think.

Everything I've ever read about dieting seems to be a losing path, never success, and huge weight losses only to be replaced by huge weight gains.

Changing your eating habits for life is the answer.

So you can eat some of that homemade mac-n-cheese, (I love it too!) But, portion control!

Change your eating habits for life, and don't worry about the scale. I think people who want to lose weight put such emotional pressure on themselves, it makes them nervous and that nervousness makes them run and eat. Take the pressure off yourself to lose weight. Put the pressure on yourself to change your eating habits, for now and forever.

 

This week the effort will be put on changing my eating habits. I bought fresh vegetables and some salmon and chicken to go on my food plan

 

What I have found the past three times that I went on food plan was that as soon as I cut sugar and flour out my energy dropped into a pit for three days and then i felt great after that.

 

I tried to make today one of the withdrawal days and my energy slumped within hours. I ended up breaking down and having a bowl of canned vegetable soup with my salmon. I figured that it was better then diving straight into refined sugar but I still have to change that as well. I think we have about 2 weeks worth of junk/canned food left. I am going to make a big batch of ham and bean soup with the canned beans for my H's lunch this week.

 

The business has stabilized for now and we have some steady work coming in.

 

I haven't been actively working my recovery for about half of a week now, or doing my behavioral therapy. I will resume this tomorrow.

 

My H seems to be making headway in recovery. I haven't bothered him one little bit about it in weeks. He cleaned up the living room and the kitchen the other night (!) on his own and found a list I had written to him months ago about things he could do to try and help heal the relationship. (I also do a ton of work on myself, but i have written him so many letters about what I am feeling, thinking etc in the last year to no avail). He read it and said he was going to start doing things on the list (like not exploding, or clarifying what I am saying before getting snippy). He also started doing check-ins on his own accord. I guess me just not bothering him to do anything really changes things. Guess he feels less controlled and manipulated OR he has more freedom and energy to mess around without me interfering. Either way I will know in the next few months. I am very skeptical, but I also realize that I don't have the energy to care too much anymore. Apathy has largely consumed what's left of our relationship and I am redoubling my efforts to get myself to a better place if/when I have to leave, or if/when he abandons his family again.

 

The house is slowly getting cleaner and more sorted. Today I starting sorting out my daughter's room/clothes. Her 1st birthday is next week:D:D:D

 

I have not attended church since this started again. I don't go because I think when I see all of the families together I will just sit and cry. Especially when the guys get up and talk about temple marriage and how happy they are to spend eternity with their wives whom they love. :(

I haven't been reading my scriptures either.

[dreamingoftigers]

Sounds like we're having the same kind of day.

 

I pretty much asked myself these same questions all day today... and the day before... and the day before... it all comes down to trust, doesnt it? Sounds like you just really doubt whether you can trust him again... only you can decide that. Do you have enough faith that he (and you) could get him to the point where you could trust him again? And maybe the most important--do you still love him? If you don't then then it's probably already answered...

 

big hugs, DoT!

 

Yes, trust and actual attraction I think. If I am not special on an intimate level it doesn't matter how honest he is about it, it is too much to handle.

 

I don't have much faith in him anymore. He is the kind of person who has the determination to accomplish anything, he really didn't want us for so long that it has done significant damage. All of the lying to the counselors etc. I have even gotten in sh@t from two of our counselors when saying that I didn't believe that he had stopped and when I confronted him on this. I was told that it would take time to trust him etc. and that if I was going to be suspicious of him the whole time it would just drive him away. Turns out I was right the whole time. I do not trust him one iota. I don't even trust 100% when he says he is at work.

 

I do still love him, but it is A LOT Less than what I used to. I don't know if this is part of recovery. Still trying to figure it out, it is probably right in front of my face.

[dreamingoftigers]

Can't believe that is has been almost 2 months since I posted on here. Still at it, still working at it, will post more later.