Jimmy87 Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 To cut a long story short we kind of mutually broke up just before christmas, we were together for 3 and a half years and were eachothers first love, we were both devastated I went out with my friends whom I hadn't seen in months and started hanging out with them, I met a girl almost straight away and as a way of making me feel better about myself, plus she was a nice girl I started dating her and were now together, its early days (1 and a half months) but she likes me far more than I like her, anyways we wernt officially together until about 3 weeks ago, and as soon as my girl heard about us she has got together with this guy she has known ages who works with her, he isn't her type at all and she knows I know him, im willing to bet its a rebound kind of like my relationship. The fact is im still deeply in love with my ex, I think about her all day every day, I saw her a few days ago and it made my heart sink to think she is with this other guy, Im not 100% if she feels the same way or if she would be willing to even speak to me but is that a risk worth taking?? This other guy is friends with a close mate of mine, I dont want to stir up **** for anybody, and what if she really likes him?? I dont know if I should give my new girl Amy a chance, maybe ill grow to love her, Im torn and dont know whether to take the chance and potentially look like a fool. What would you lot do?
Silver_star Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 To cut a long story short we kind of mutually broke up just before christmas, we were together for 3 and a half years and were eachothers first love, we were both devastated I went out with my friends whom I hadn't seen in months and started hanging out with them, I met a girl almost straight away and as a way of making me feel better about myself, plus she was a nice girl I started dating her and were now together, its early days (1 and a half months) but she likes me far more than I like her, anyways we wernt officially together until about 3 weeks ago, and as soon as my girl heard about us she has got together with this guy she has known ages who works with her, he isn't her type at all and she knows I know him, im willing to bet its a rebound kind of like my relationship. The fact is im still deeply in love with my ex, I think about her all day every day, I saw her a few days ago and it made my heart sink to think she is with this other guy, Im not 100% if she feels the same way or if she would be willing to even speak to me but is that a risk worth taking?? This other guy is friends with a close mate of mine, I dont want to stir up **** for anybody, and what if she really likes him?? I dont know if I should give my new girl Amy a chance, maybe ill grow to love her, Im torn and dont know whether to take the chance and potentially look like a fool. What would you lot do? You shouldnt be stringing innocent people along just to bide your time. Thats cruel. You still have feelings for your ex. She may still have feelings for you by the sounds of it. I think your both immature to be dragging other people into your b.s drama. Either get back together, or dont date other people..your not ready for a new relationship. ANything you do with this amy chick is a lie. She deserves more doesnt she.
DustySaltus Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Whatever issues led to your initial breakup need to be resolved before anything can be worked out. Can you explain why you broke up? As far as the new girl I think that you started dating too soon and can't appreciate what any other woman has to offer right now because you are still thinking about your ex. I know this because I was that guy for a while. So you have two choices: a) complete NC with the ex and focus all your energies on the new girl. b) Try and work things out with your ex with no guarantee that she will say yes and potentially sabotage a good thing with the new girl. In the future I would advise that you don't get involved with new people while still recovering from a breakup. If your head isn't there it's not fair to someone else.
ADF Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Don't contact her. If you did, you'd be doing it for all the worst reasons. You say what sparked your urge to contact her was her getting together with another man. Sorry, but that is not a sign of being deeply in love. You're just being petty and territorial. You just don't want some other man to have access to what you once had. It is just like a dog who growls at another dog who creeps to close to a bone. Plus, you need to think about ending it with this other woman you're with now. You say she likes you more than you like her. Don't string her along if the relationship isn't going anywhere. That's just cruel.
CaliGuy Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 I'd leave her alone and match myself with someone who appreciates me. Why waste time trying to contact someone who doesn't want you to be the center of her attention.
Author Jimmy87 Posted March 29, 2010 Author Posted March 29, 2010 This other guy hasn't sparked feelings or for her, she has always been on my mind, she is the first thing I think of every morning since we split and I do still love her, you don't fall out of love so quickly, what if I contact her and she shows her new boyfriend and humiliates me?? I'm thinkingof asking my buddies girlfriend what she thinks she will do, she is friends with my ex and must have a clue as to her reaction, my ex phoned me a month ago but bottled out apparantly, one text will put an end to this surely? It will spell out if she is still interested or not and I cam go from there?? We broke up basically because we were going through a bad patch and it just snowballed and then both our egos stood between any immediate reconcilliation
Weird Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Do not contact her. Just let time sort things out and work on yourself in the time being which means dealing with your feelings, not simply trying to shack up with someone you may not want to really be with. I really do agree with silver star, don't drag innocent people into things when there are feelings for others. Sooooo many people do this and it just ends up screwing over the "rebound/innocent" person. Think about it...if "you" (in the general sense of course) don't like being used and getting hurt then why do it to someone else? People are far too selfish. No way I think anyone should get into a relationship with someone else if they have strong feelings for another.
MrsPeaSoup Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Totally agree with everyone: Do not contact her, work on yourself and let time sort things out. But.. If you've done all that and in a few months you are still deeply in love with her and the situation is pretty much the same as it is now (= she not having these really deep feelings for the new guy), you have the shots: Go try to win her back. Do everything what someone will do in 'the perfect world'. Go and bang on her door saying you miss her, you love her. Send her flowers, postcards, songs, whatever. Call her, go to her. Do not stop untill you have a definite yes or no. If this is what you still want in a few months, then go for it. Put your pride aside and try to win her back. Do it like they do it in the movies.
McGrupp Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 worst advice ever right there^^^ movies do not equal real life. that **** never works. girls love a challenge. if you have to recontact her in 3 months or whatever, be cool, calm and tell her how u feel. but don go to her place, send her gifts, or play peter gabriel on her lawn.
MrsPeaSoup Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Sorry bro, maybe you're right. Indeed, movies are not comparable with real life. Thing is, you can read soo much posts on LS saying that the they'd wished their ex had done exactly the same. Or other variants like: "If she/he really loves you she/he'd be banging on the door right now begging you to come back" So wy should jimmy not do the same? Maybe not such weird advice after all heh
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