Mimsicles Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Right sorry if this is long but here goes... Been with my bf for 3 years and he recently started acting really distant, not replying to my text and not wanting to spend time with me. I started to get really susicious that he was cheating on me, so I asked him if he was cheating, his reply was No, of course not. Anyway i let it drop for a while but things didnt improve so this morning i read his text messages and my fears were confirmed. There were texts he had sent to a girl he works with refering to " the many kisses" they had had. Also messages from her saying that she felt guilty on her bf. Even though i was hurt, the thing that hurt the most was the text he'd sent to her saying...Hopefully wont have a gf for long" It broke my heart to read! I went to work and have not spoken to him since. How do you think i confront him about this!
carhill Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Why confront him? Just black hole him. He made his choice. You have your proof. Bye-bye
Silver_star Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 im sorry that this happened to you. You have suffiecient proof of his feelings. No matter what he tells you after you confront him or walk away does NOT matter because His actions with this girl speak volumes. Its not you..it is him. He is a loser who cant even man up to break up with you before he moves on with someone more like him. THere relationship (if thats what it amounts to) will fail. He doesnt deserve any more of your time. Confront him for closure. Tell him you know that hes been cheating on you. Dont get angry at this time. Just tell him that you know, and that its over. Tell him you think hes a coward for not manning up and telling you and you had to find out on your own. Walk away. There is NO excuse and nothing he can say to fix this. You need to start your healing.
Woman In Blue Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 As painful as this situation IS for you, you still have to be grateful that you've been given the gift of SIGHT. Yes, it's a sucker punch and I'm not trying to minimalize your situation, but you're very lucky to have learned this now so that YOU can make an educated decision as to how you're going to handle this. It's much better than feeling completely helpless one day in the future when he came to you out of the blue and told you he was leaving - completely pulling the rug out from under you. You now have the opportunity to get all your ducks in a row and take care of any business that needs tending to BEFORE you confront him. If there are any financial ties you have to him, make sure you're protected before you open your mouth. You clearly have to look out for yourself now, because his loyalties clearly don't lie with you anymore. If you're free and clear to walk away from him, then by all means, let him know what a filthy little weasel he really is.
ADF Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Well, you've weakened your position by snooping through his private phone messages. Dollars to dounts, when you confront him, he'll try to make the violation of privacy the issue rather than the cheating. If you were so certain that you were willing to violate his privacy, you should have just confronted him outright and demanded to see his messages. If he balked, you'd know for sure.
Silver_star Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 it doesnt matter anymore about his privacy. If he makes that an issue its only because he has no other defence...u wouldnt have felt that need if he wasnt making you so insecure by his actions. Rest assured this is HIS doing, and now breaking up with him should be YOUR doing.
Woman In Blue Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Well, you've weakened your position by snooping through his private phone messages. Dollars to dounts, when you confront him, he'll try to make the violation of privacy the issue rather than the cheating. If you were so certain that you were willing to violate his privacy, you should have just confronted him outright and demanded to see his messages. If he balked, you'd know for sure. Oh please. There's a tremendous difference between PRIVACY and SECRECY. Did you not read the part where she ASKED HIM if he was cheating and he said "no?" Of COURSE he's going to lie about it!!! So what's she supposed to do - stick her head in the sand and not DARE infringe upon his precious phone and believe his lying bullcrap instead? Unreal.
ADF Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 (edited) Oh please. There's a tremendous difference between PRIVACY and SECRECY. Did you not read the part where she ASKED HIM if he was cheating and he said "no?" Of COURSE he's going to lie about it!!! So what's she supposed to do - stick her head in the sand and not DARE infringe upon his precious phone and believe his lying bullcrap instead? Unreal. Did you not read the part where I said she should DEMAND to see his cell phone? No, I guess you didn't bother to read that carefully! If she had done that, he would have been stuck. He could have said, "yes, here, I have nothing to hide." But if he didn't, if he made some excuse, she'd have him. Now, when she confronts him, he will use the fact she snooped against her and try to twist the whole thing. He'll try to make this all about her snooping rather than his cheating. Do you understand? She basically gave him ammunition to use against her. Look, I know most people today have for respect of privacy. They have no concept of it, in fact. They think nothing of checking people's cell phones, snooping through their computers, opening their mail, or following them around and spying on them. I suspect it is the result of an entire generation growing up on random drug tests, random locker seaches and the like. Millions of people under 30 have basically been socialized as inmates, not citizens. I won't bother trying to explain. It is probably beyond your comprehension anyway. Edited March 30, 2010 by ADF
paleblue Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 (edited) Why confront him? Just black hole him. He made his choice. You have your proof. Bye-bye ouch mim. sorry to hear this it doesnt get much more hurtful than this. i agree with carhill. deep six his as-s no need to be gentle with him now. he made his choice. now he has to deal with the consequences. dont feel bad for checking his text message. i think you have every right to check things out if you suspect something. it should be a loving open trustng relationship and if he doesnt have anything to hide he shouldnt mind. Edited March 30, 2010 by paleblue
Mkdons4eva Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I feel for you here, it must be horrible. I can put myself in your boyfriends shoes. I liked someone else when i was with my girlfriend, id text this girl all the time and wanted to be with her. To this day, i feel ashamed at what i put my girlfriend though. I sometimes cry at night when i remember what she had to put up with, i was horrible to her, distant and she knew something was going on. Id never had any sexual contact with this person and never kissed, i actually broke up with my girlfriend because of how i felt about this person. it didnt take me too long to realise what i wanted, i soon realised what id given up and how much i missed my ex, and begged for her to get back with me. We got back together, but 2 years later we ended our relationship 3 months ago. As i say, these flings happen. At the time i didnt feel guilty but when i look back i have so much regret and sadness about what i did. Its up to you at what you want to do. Im not brilliant at giving advice, but if you love him uncontrollable id say you need to confront him, or break with him to show him what he has lost. He will soon realise, trust me.
Author Mimsicles Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 Well i confronted him last night and he broke down apologizing for the hurt he has caused me. We have ended the relationship which was a mutual decision but he still confuses me. Even though its over and its what he wanted ,he kept crying (he is most defo not an emotional person), kept telling me he loved me. Just before i left he said he wants to meet up in a month and discuss how we both feel. I am heartbroken and can't eat, sleep or concentrate on anything! We have been on a break before and after 10 days he said he missed me and we got back together. Im not going to contact him for a month even though i want too and i know i sound needy and desperate but i'm willing to forgive the kiss because in my heart of hearts i do want to be with him
Chloe1 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Hi Mimsicles Would you be interested in reading a short eBook that explains the real reasons why men cheat and what you can do about it? I have an eBook that helped my friends, you're welcome to have a copy. Just let me know -- Chloe
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 You do not need to confront him at all if you do not wish to. You could simply text him and say 'I know. Don't contact me again' I had a plan, when I discovered my exes emails, to print them out and leave them on his pillow with a letter that said 'bye'.
Isabella81 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 it might be better you found out this way. Time to cut your losses and lose the jerk. If I were you, I wouldn't trust him again, so why stay together?
FryFish Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Wow... "Hopefully wont have a gf for long"... That would hurt, especially given the length of your relationship. You love this guy, but you can love somebody else.
harmfulsweetz Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Ouch. You say you can forgive the kiss, but what about the 'hopefully won't have a gf for long' comment? He feels bad because he's been caught out, would he feel so bad had you not caught him? Doubt it. You should cut him out of your life completely.
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