Els Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Just to clarify: I'm not asking about the sort of girl that you want, but rather: 1. Why are you in a relationship? What are you expecting of it, mainly? What is the main benefit of being in one as opposed to being single?, and 2. What defines 'love', to you? What is it mostly about? I know some men will say 'sex', but I know that isn't true - sex may be important, but if love equaled to just pure sex, there's no reason why men aren't having happy relationships with their ONS and hookers by the dozen. Yet, I also realize that in general, men aren't as emotional about their relationship (except perhaps during breakups) nor prioritize emotional bonding as much as women do. So if it isn't just sex, and emotional attachment isn't a primary thing either... what else is it? I'd love to hear answers from non-trolls, if you please. Women are welcome to give their input, but I'd really like to hear men's perspectives as well.
Bejita463 Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 1. Why are you in a relationship? What are you expecting of it, mainly? What is the main benefit of being in one as opposed to being single? I'm not, but if I were I would expect that the person I am with be a companion. More than that, my best friend. The main benefit for me would be having someone to share my life with. There are things I do that are solitary activities, but for the most part, company would be welcome. Could I get that company from friends? Eh, sort of. That is a little different though. 2. What defines 'love', to you? What is it mostly about? I don't really know how to answer that. It isn't sex though. Sex doesn't even interest me much if I don't already care about my partner. So for me, that emotional attachment is quite important.
Thebob Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 1. Why are you in a relationship? What are you expecting of it, mainly? What is the main benefit of being in one as opposed to being single? Because it's nice to have someone around, I am expecting sex, caring, someone to be there for you all the time whenever you need them. Main benefit is knowing that someone is there but single life is good because then you don't have someone on your back most of the time. 2. What defines 'love', to you? What is it mostly about? Ive never been in love but I would have to say when you get to the point where you dont want to be with anyone else, and they feel the exact same and anything you do together is awesome and magical. Thebob
bananaboat11 Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 What does a man want from a relationship? I'm 25 years of age and single. I'm discovering more and more I'm a member of the hook - up generation... and I hate it. I am a firm believer in monogamy. To me... a relationship is a fine balance. It is a give-take between two persons that can connect on a social, emotional, intellectual, physical, and surreal level... What do I expect? The same I intend to give. To give my heart, no string attached. I'm tired of saying goodbye... I'm sick of these tears that I cry. It takes a second to say, "I love you", but a lifetime to get the chance to show it. When I'm with a woman... it's because I want to be with HER. I couldn't picture myself even undressing another woman with my eyes when I'm with the woman I want to be with. No... I do not grow attached. I do not obsess. I do not give, give, give. I refuse to become a door mat. I understand the fine lines of a relationship, but I am guilty of being swept up into the chaotic perplexities of the temporary insanity we all suffer during the honey moon stages of a relationship. What constitutes a healthy relationship? What defines the bond that forms between two individuals seeking a foundation to support their understandings...? The volume of sheer nuisances in every relationship stand firm. There will always be baggage. There will always be weaknesses and insecurities.... Strengths make us who we are and are wonderful... but our weaknesses define us. Our weaknesses are the profound inner beauty that allow us to self-reflect and the bridge that gaps between our hearts and our minds. ...and when he can gaze into her eyes, and her into his... to see deep into one another's heart and recognize the other's weaknesses and insecurities... and embrace them.... you've got the love. I am not ashamed to hold her hand in public. I'm not ashamed to make her smile. I'm not ashamed to show her I care. I want to step out into the sun, raise my arms in joy and cry out how lucky I am to have her... ...a special place in my heart for her still remains vacant and barren... But one day, to give it all to her... is the one day I smile upon and wait patiently for. Until that day... I walk this path we call life with my head held high. For every tear i've cried... I forget the girl... I forget the bad we shared... and cherish the good moments and hold onto them to bring with me to someone better one day...
Crusoe Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 1. Why are you in a relationship? What are you expecting of it, mainly? What is the main benefit of being in one as opposed to being single? I am not in one and I don't expect anything from one except love. 2. What defines 'love', to you? What is it mostly about? To me love is a cause, something I would fight and die for.
Bejita463 Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 To me love is a cause, something I would fight and die for. A cause? Join the marines!
Crusoe Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 A cause? Join the marines! If I loved my country I would
Rearden Metal Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Just to clarify: I'm not asking about the sort of girl that you want, but rather: 1. Why are you in a relationship? I seek the opportunity to care about someone else's well being in the same way I care about my own, and to receive a reciprocal care.What are you expecting of it, mainly? Respect, Trust, Communication, Companionship. I expect a mutual experience of togetherness that builds trust and desire for each other, for a shared better future. What is the main benefit of being in one as opposed to being single? Validation that ones beliefs and values are shared with another, and 2. What defines 'love', to you? What is it mostly about? I'm having a hard time answering this. I think it's a deep sense of belonging to and with someone, based upon the values I've listed above. Other emotions are confused as "love" quite often. I know some men will say 'sex', but I know that isn't true - sex may be important, but if love equaled to just pure sex, there's no reason why men aren't having happy relationships with their ONS and hookers by the dozen. Yet, I also realize that in general, men aren't as emotional about their relationship ABSOLUTELY UNTRUE(except perhaps during breakups) nor prioritize emotional bonding as much as women do ALSO UNTRUE. So if it isn't just sex, and emotional attachment isn't a primary thing either... what else is it? I'd love to hear answers from non-trolls, if you please. Women are welcome to give their input, but I'd really like to hear men's perspectives as well. Please see the bolded above.
MalachiX Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 I think most men (and woman for that matter) want different things at different times. Sometimes, we want a relationship to be easy. Essentially hanging out with a girl we like, enjoying having a female buddy, and yes, having sex. Other times we want to be in love and have someone we can gush over and tell our most intimate secrets to. Some times, we just want sex with no strings attatched (though that's easier said than done for a lot of guys).
Author Els Posted March 29, 2010 Author Posted March 29, 2010 Thanks for your answers so far, guys. Very enlightening, really - I find it interesting that 'companionship' or 'someone to be there for me/come home to' is quite a common answer (both here and elsewhere that I asked), as it was one of the few things that my own bf mentioned when I asked him. Rearden: About the emotional thing, I know that it isn't true for all men. But from experience and what I've seen and talked to people about, women do seem to prioritize the emotional part of stuff over many (not all) men. Women also tend to have higher 'emotional maintenance' than men for the most part, as in they enjoy expression and validation of the relationship and their feelings through demonstrations and talks, post-coital cuddling, frequent contact, etc more so than men (although, again, not always). Just my opinion, of course - I do realize that men who are on a relationship site may think about/show/prioritize their emotions regarding a relationship more than other men as well (not a bad thing!), so that may be why this generalization might not apply here.
Rearden Metal Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Thanks for your answers so far, guys. Very enlightening, really - I find it interesting that 'companionship' or 'someone to be there for me/come home to' is quite a common answer (both here and elsewhere that I asked), as it was one of the few things that my own bf mentioned when I asked him. Rearden: About the emotional thing, I know that it isn't true for all men. But from experience and what I've seen and talked to people about, women do seem to prioritize the emotional part of stuff over many (not all) men. Women also tend to have higher 'emotional maintenance' than men for the most part, as in they enjoy expression and validation of the relationship and their feelings through demonstrations and talks, post-coital cuddling, frequent contact, etc more so than men (although, again, not always). Just my opinion, of course - I do realize that men who are on a relationship site may think about/show/prioritize their emotions regarding a relationship more than other men as well (not a bad thing!), so that may be why this generalization might not apply here. Right. And we're here because we were dumped for being "clingy". It's a bit of a viscous circle.
Author Els Posted March 29, 2010 Author Posted March 29, 2010 Vicious, dear. But, I'm sorry about that. I really do hope you'll find a woman who appreciates you for who you are.
Rearden Metal Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Thanks, I knew I spelled it wrong. It's not a fluid, after all.
Rearden Metal Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Also, I'm not even remotely clingy. But she was as much a non-communicator as I've ever met, so I had a weird response (trying extra hard to get her to open up) that was easily construed as needy.
Blackfrost Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Just to clarify: I'm not asking about the sort of girl that you want, but rather: 1.What are you expecting of it, mainly? What is the main benefit of being in one as opposed to being single?, and 2. What defines 'love', to you? What is it mostly about? 1. All I expect is someone who I can trust 100% not to F me over, throw me under the bus, lie beyond my back, and is there for me to share all my ups and downs with. Basically everything that is not my job in the corporate world 2. Love (for me anyways) is someone who accepts the fact that I have faults too, and is understanding and caring enough to be there through them. also, see #1 again
carhill Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 1. Why are you in a relationship? What are you expecting of it, mainly? What is the main benefit of being in one as opposed to being single? Not in a relationship (getting divorced), but was asked this question recently. Why? Because I liked the constancy and commitment of being married. Expectations? Mutual sharing, caring, support and love. Main benefit as opposed to being single? Continuity of sharing one's life; one's happiness, one's sorrow, one's soul. 2. What defines 'love', to you? What is it mostly about? The act and the choice? To me, it's about sharing the essence of who I am; the perfect imperfections, the strange nuances, the common everyday flesh of being. It's about desiring another in that way. To me, sex is an expression of that connection. It's bonding of bodies and souls. A gift of nature and God. A blessing for our future. Now, go find a 'regular' man, as my stbx would say
linwood Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 1. Why are you in a relationship? What are you expecting of it, mainly? What is the main benefit of being in one as opposed to being single?, and Two people working towards the same goals makes things happen faster. Helping each other, supporting each other. Makes life easier and more enjoyable than having to do it all alone. 2. What defines 'love', to you? What is it mostly about? When someone elses needs and happiness are more important than your own.
trueluV Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 (edited) I'd like to hear more, in details. it's interesting to read what guys actually want in a relationship. it's not a surprise guys want a companion in their relationship and it seems like they want someone comfortable. guys + relationship has always linked to sex somehow, so it's fresh to know meeting a woman they love is not all about sex. Edited March 30, 2010 by trueluV
carhill Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 can guys be sweet and caring, in a non-sexual way, with a girl he is not attracted to or interested in? -can have a lot of/long sweet and passionate kiss, but not necessarily leads to sex, a lot of cuddling and holding, is this possible? The things you describe are not non-sexual. Imagine doing them with your brother. Oops... Perhaps 'this guy' has a sexual block. He can make most of the moves, but the boosters misfire on lift-off. When he's passionately kissing you, give his member a nice rub and see what the genie says....
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