3boys1girl Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Hi. We were married for 9yrs. Found out we were pregnant week after we were married, few months later found out it was twins. Since then he has been deployed twice. One of boys was diagnosed w type 1 diabetes when he was 3. We had a little girl 20 months ago. We never put each other first. It was always about the kids. We argued but mainly he was absent emotionally for a long time when he was here. I did everything for the kids, didn't have much left for him. We said we would work on it, never felt he tried. He said he's emotionally dead.About a month ago, he left & was gone for a week or so. He came back & we were "working on it". I had read the 5 love languages & finally things clicked for me. Knew what I needed from him & he said what he needed from me. But I found he had been talking to an ex-girlfriend that lives 2 states away,talked a lot. He said they r just friends. She needed someone to talk to he needed someone to talk to. Told him he had to end that connection with her. He said he was done & left again. He says he didn't leave because he chose her but because he knew he was wrong & was backed into a corner so he fled. We have talked. We have kids so we have too. We both have decided to wait until May 1st to actually decide what we want to do. But we are both leaning towards trying again but going slow. He says he need time to work on himself. What does that mean really? Is that a way out w/o saying so yet. I want to be with him but not if I am going to be second place to anything. We need to reconnect some I guess to see if we even want to be together. People change so much in 9 yrs. Any advice will be appreciated. (BTW I have decided to work on myself. I have a job interview this week & that will relieve some burdens on me.) thnx for listening
nobmagnet Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Hi. We were married for 9yrs. Found out we were pregnant week after we were married, few months later found out it was twins. Since then he has been deployed twice. One of boys was diagnosed w type 1 diabetes when he was 3. We had a little girl 20 months ago. We never put each other first. It was always about the kids. We argued but mainly he was absent emotionally for a long time when he was here. I did everything for the kids, didn't have much left for him. We said we would work on it, never felt he tried. He said he's emotionally dead.About a month ago, he left & was gone for a week or so. He came back & we were "working on it". I had read the 5 love languages & finally things clicked for me. Knew what I needed from him & he said what he needed from me. But I found he had been talking to an ex-girlfriend that lives 2 states away,talked a lot. He said they r just friends. She needed someone to talk to he needed someone to talk to. Told him he had to end that connection with her. He said he was done & left again. He says he didn't leave because he chose her but because he knew he was wrong & was backed into a corner so he fled. We have talked. We have kids so we have too. We both have decided to wait until May 1st to actually decide what we want to do. But we are both leaning towards trying again but going slow. He says he need time to work on himself. What does that mean really? Is that a way out w/o saying so yet. I want to be with him but not if I am going to be second place to anything. We need to reconnect some I guess to see if we even want to be together. People change so much in 9 yrs. Any advice will be appreciated. (BTW I have decided to work on myself. I have a job interview this week & that will relieve some burdens on me.) thnx for listening hi, welcome to love shack......sorry you are here too. Im sorry to ask this but where does he go? Is he with his ex GF? or do you susspect he is? Having small children is a drain on both of you and twins to boot i bet you havent got your head out the sink, washing machine,nappies and seen a pleasant day for years. It is not your fault he is the way he is. At the end of the day this MAN has to be a MAN. He cant just walk away. May I suggest you get his ass back home rightnow and start councelling immediately. You are in crisis time now and another woman is drawing him away because she isnt hard work and is far as he is concerned. This has to stop and rightnow. get your folks and his folks involved, your children need everyone around them. have time for the two of you. MAKE time. None of your family will want your relationship to fail and will want to help as much as they can, let them. Get onto it girl. do it right now. Nobby:love::love:
Author 3boys1girl Posted March 29, 2010 Author Posted March 29, 2010 he isn't with the girl. he moved a city away from us. She lives states away. I can tell by the phone log they were never in the same state when they talked. He can't travel there, he works here. She has medical issues &can't travel. Mainly he turned to her for advice & comfort when he should have turned to me. We both say we think we will get back together. He just wants to "go slow" he says. I understand that in a way but don't in another. We have kids so we can't take the time to get to know each other again fully. With one having diabetes & on an insulin pump, I can't just trust anyone to look after him. His family lives states away. I think they some of them may have known he was talking to her. My mom does enough for us already. Once I get a job & he has a place of his own (hopefully by the end of this week) then he will have to take care of the kids more. I will have more time to think. He will see what it will be like taking care of them w/o me while I work. He's a good dad but never had them long on his own. Thnx for the reply. got to get the boys from school.
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