How could she just throw me aside like nothing?

[AgeOfUninnocence]

I was debating sending back a jacket she gave me (it was one of her old friend's though, so she didn't buy it for me), the V-day card she got me, the picture frame she made me saying that she loves me and it has our anniversary date, and a few other things she made me in a box to her. I'm not sure what I'd be trying to do, but I know I don't want anything to do with these items anymore. Maybe it will make her feel sad, or maybe it will make her angry. Idk, maybe I want both. Chances are though she wouldn't care. Idk.

 

She may not care. I've been feeling the same way, I wanted to give my ex back the (very very few) things he bought me. But honestly, they may not care, or even just tell you to keep it. I've just been hiding my items away from me. Still too early to decide what I want.

 

But I totally understand your situation, Dodgers. I gave my everything in the relationship, and everyone knew I was the way better half of the relationship... and then he dumps me! I mean if anything, it sure should have been the other way around... Probably why I'm going through this bitter stage right now.

[Dodgers27]

Wow, I have not been this angry in a long time. Her best friend decides to message me and tell me to stop making myself look like an idiot. It seems she found my posts on here and is bitching at me about them. If you are reading this you have NO right to speak to me about anything. I have not said anything bad about her on Facebook like I said I wouldn't, and I was posting on a website not using my real name or hers, so what the f*ck is your problem?

 

She says she's mad that I didn't post her side of the story. Wow, not too much to tell, she fell out of love with me and strung me along (yes, she very much did) for a few months, trying to find the best way to break it to me. I understand that. I understand the whole reason for breaking up with me. She handled it as poorly as I did.

 

I wish people would mind their own f*cking business. It didn't matter who i was talking about, no one would have known who she was. But no, this chick has to see what I've said and freak out about it.

 

Guess f*cking what? She broke up with me! She wanted nothing more to do with me! It doesn't matter anymore! I still have feelings of love for her but never even want to talk to her again! You're just starting **** up because of me letting out my grief and anger on a website where no one else would know who the crap myself or she is.

 

Wow, this is bullf*cking sh*t.

[justaguy123]

Dude you should be upset, its none of her business.

 

If she is reading this "you should mind your own business. We are all here to heal and vent. It doesn't matter if its the whole story or even the truth. It is how we feel and thats what matters. Now stop bugging Doggers."

[northstar1]

I was debating sending back a jacket she gave me (it was one of her old friend's though, so she didn't buy it for me), the V-day card she got me, the picture frame she made me saying that she loves me and it has our anniversary date, and a few other things she made me in a box to her. I'm not sure what I'd be trying to do, but I know I don't want anything to do with these items anymore. Maybe it will make her feel sad, or maybe it will make her angry. Idk, maybe I want both. Chances are though she wouldn't care. Idk.

 

Nah, don't send it. Either trash it, or give the coat to goodwill or some other charity that needs clothing.

[Dodgers27]

Dude you should be upset, its none of her business.

 

If she is reading this "you should mind your own business. We are all here to heal and vent. It doesn't matter if its the whole story or even the truth. It is how we feel and thats what matters. Now stop bugging Doggers."

Thanks man. I've cooled down since, thanks to talking to some friends, but I still can't believe the nerve she had to do that. I called AT&T right after and found out of i could block texts from a number or not. You have to pay to do it so for now I'll just see if she texts me back or not. She has no reason to since I haven't even talked to my ex in 2 weeks and didn't have any real intentions to.

 

What I really want to know is how she found me on here. I'm guessing she was snooping through my email (my ex knew my passwords) or something and saw I signed up here. I just don't think my ex would give her my freakin logins, but how else would she have? I guess she could have been just browsing on here, but idk.

 

Either way it was dumb she would even text me about it. Whatever, I'm cool right now.

[Dodgers27]

Nah, don't send it. Either trash it, or give the coat to goodwill or some other charity that needs clothing.

Right now it's just lying in my car not being used, so maybe i'll do that. The other stuff is still in my room, and most of it is up still, so I need to do something about that stuff. Box, meet garage.

[Dodgers27]

My break up was on the weekend of Valentine's Day. That whole weekend I felt like things weren't the same between us. I too wish I wasn't with my ex on that day! He too gave me a gift and a Valentine's Day card- which he wrote that he was lucky to have me and that he loved me so much....etc...what BS & lies!

 

I wish my ex was straight forward with me too! I don't know why he just kept pretending that everything was fine. Honestly, I think he had a hard time breaking it off with me because I WAS A VERY GOOD GF to him! I deserve so much better! And you do too!

 

I've also been wanting to give back a couple of his belongings but seriously what am I thinking??? Inside I only want to do that because I want to see him....I need to stop making excuses. The fact of the matter is....if he really wanted it back he would call for them. You & me both need to take advice and just throw away the stuff our ex gave to us or left for us.

 

And seriously who gives 2 cents about what your ex or her friend thinks of you being on here. They can't control you!

 

Do you have msn messanger? I'd love a chat buddy!

I mean it's a great feeling to be with the one you love on that day, but knowing that she wasn't fully into it just takes all that good feeling away

 

Yeah, she may have felt the same, not wanting to do it because I didn't treat her bad, but I really don't know what to think anymore.

 

I know that feeling, like maybe if you do that they will talk to you and it might make you feel a bit better, but it probably wont.

 

I do have MSN Messenger, I just don't remember what the ID is because it's been a while since I've been on it, and I'm not at home at the moment, lol. I'll let you know when I get home

[Chi townD]

Okay dude, I'm gonna be blunt with you. If your Ex hooked up with someone one week after she broke up with you, she's was probably hooking up with this guy while you were dating.

 

Right now, she is being very mean spirited. You said it yourself. While you were dating she NEVER posted to My Space. But she knew you did for your baseball thingy. All of the sudden there's a posted album of pics? Come on!

 

As far as her best friend is concerned, your Ex knows all your passwords. Your Ex and her best friend probably got a tickle to see what you were doing and to have a laugh at your misery. ( and ex and best friend, if you're reading this.....go to hell!!!!)

 

Point is, you need to change ALL of you passwords! Throw out ALL pictures of her, and (like you said) donate that jacket to the salvation Army, Red Cross whatever........ GET THIS TOXCIN OUT OF YOUR LIFE! The best revenge you can get is to lead a full and happy life. The Karma bus will come by in time and smack her in the head. By that time, it will be too late. Good luck! and keep posting if it's helping you!

[Dodgers27]

Dude, I'd be mad too. Her best friend sounds like a catty b*tch.

 

Unless you exhibited some sort of pattern where you treated her poorly (which you say you didn't), she doesn't have any "side of the story." She strung you along, plain and simple.

 

And, as you said, you're not naming any names, so who cares?

 

You know, I'm a loyal friend too, but I've noticed that some types of women can be needlessly vicious when it comes to "defending" their friends. Honestly, I stay away from women who are CONSTANTLY texting their friends and whatnot. They seem to operate in this pack mentality where anyone else - including a boyfriend - is an "outsider." If one member does something that's inconsiderate or simply abhorrent, it doesn't matter to the so-called "best friend." I think that's what you're seeing here.

 

It might sound strange, but one reason I was attracted to my ex is that she didn't have a huge group of girlfriends she hung out with all the time. Obviously, I'm not saying it's wrong to have friends (!), but she seemed like a down-to-earth person because her life didn't revolve around gossiping, partying, and having "hot girl syndrome."

 

Maybe none of this applies to your ex and her friend, but that's the vibe I'm getting.

 

I'm also not trying to be sexist - this is a very specific subset of women I'm talking about. (To be fair, I'm also not a fan of groups of meatheaded guys that mislead women just to get laid.)

 

I don't care how close she is to her friends. If you're in a committed relationship and you want it to work, your partner COMES FIRST. Always. I had a few really good friends in college, but my then-girlfriend ALWAYS took priority over them. That's just how it works, and that will certainly be true whenever you get married. Don't judge yourself because you didn't want to hang out with her girlfriends at that party.

 

As I hinted at above, if woman places a large amount of importance on you interacting with her friends, it's a HUGE red flag, at least for me. It shows that the girl is not really judging you based on who you really are - she's judging you on the narrow criterion of who you are around her friends, which, in 99 cases out of 100, is f*cking stupid because you'll be spending more time alone with her than with her friends anyway, AND THE RELATIONSHIP IS ABOUT YOU AND HER, NOT YOU AND HER FRIENDS. A relationship should be, first and foremost, about the couple, not their friends or even family. If it's obvious she values them a LOT more than you, it's time to find a new relationship. If the deal-maker or deal-breaker is how you get along with her friends, RUN, because it just means that you are expendable in her eyes.

 

Seriously, if my SO didn't like a couple of my friends, I wouldn't give two sh*ts unless she was outright mean or b*tched about it constantly. How would her interaction around a couple of people she wouldn't even know if not for me have anything to do with her suitability as a partner?

 

In any case, anyone who is going to ATTACK you for being heartbroken is beneath contempt. If this is the kind of company your ex keeps, you're probably much better off without her.

 

Also, from reading your other posts, I'm really sorry for your loss. You must have really loved her. My ex and I had the most affectionate, doting, passion-filled relationship for nearly two years, then, right after I move 500 miles from home for her, she dumps me and is going around with this other dude a month later.

 

I cant say that I was the best boyfriend in the world, but I think I was a damn good one. There were some mistakes made that I wish I could take back, but I never cheated on her, never wanted to, and still wanted to do everything I could for her. I neglected my friendships with my cousin who she hated (though for good reason) and my best friend who she also hated (for no real reason). I went to see her every weekend regardless of what else was going on with my friends or in my life. I was fully devoted to her.

 

My ex seemed to distance herself from a lot of her friends for a while when we dated, and I wasnt sure why. I think it was because some of her friends did stuff she wasnt into, so she sort of pushed them away for a while. I dont think thats the case with her best friend, though. Toward the end she started hanging out with her best friend way more, and has essentially lived at her house for the last month and a half. I love my best friends but I could not do that for a month straight, lol.

 

As for the if her friends like me or not thing, I'm not sure she placed a ton of importance on that, but it might have helped if I was able to be compatible with them. I don't think I was disliked by any of her friends until after the breakup, because I was nothing but nice to any of them. I don't know if any of them liked me especially, but I didn't do anything for them to not like me.

 

My ex hated my two best friends, and wasn't shy about saying so. It bothered me, but I could handle it because my feelings were that strong for her. Looking back on it now, I don't see how things could have worked out long term if I never could have gotten her to like my friends, so idk. I know that no matter what I would never let them say anything to my ex though, even if they wanted to they know I want no one to bad mouth her. I don't even know if my ex knows that her best friend has been contacting me, but I would feel embarrassed in my friends did the same to her like that. I still don't know how she got my phone number though...

 

Damn man, that's not right. People don't deserve that kind of **** to happen to them after doing something so grand as to move 500 freaking miles to be with them. She'll get what's coming to her later on in life hopefully. I do think in the end the good guys will prevail, the problem is it's later on in life when girls appreciate good guys more than wanting a fun and exciting guy who is actually an *******, so I've got a while to wait I think for the right one for me.

[Dodgers27]

Okay dude, I'm gonna be blunt with you. If your Ex hooked up with someone one week after she broke up with you, she's was probably hooking up with this guy while you were dating.

 

Right now, she is being very mean spirited. You said it yourself. While you were dating she NEVER posted to My Space. But she knew you did for your baseball thingy. All of the sudden there's a posted album of pics? Come on!

 

As far as her best friend is concerned, your Ex knows all your passwords. Your Ex and her best friend probably got a tickle to see what you were doing and to have a laugh at your misery. ( and ex and best friend, if you're reading this.....go to hell!!!!)

 

Point is, you need to change ALL of you passwords! Throw out ALL pictures of her, and (like you said) donate that jacket to the salvation Army, Red Cross whatever........ GET THIS TOXCIN OUT OF YOUR LIFE! The best revenge you can get is to lead a full and happy life. The Karma bus will come by in time and smack her in the head. By that time, it will be too late. Good luck! and keep posting if it's helping you!

 

Thanks for the post, I'm glad that your first post was to try and give me some helpful advice.

 

Even though I may not know her as well as I thought I did before, I know that she's not a cheater, and she wouldn't have done that to me. I'm 100% sure she wasn't with him before. That may sound like I'm being dumb or just won't admit that she would do that, but she's not a bad person, and wouldn't do that to anyone she was with.

 

I'd like to think she didn't know I'd see it, and it was just bad coincidence that I happened to come across her new pictures. I can only think "What reason would she have to try and torture me like that?" I know i've been bitter about a lot of things, but she was a really great girl and she did care for me, even at the end if it was just as a friend. The problem was that as a friend, her tolerance for my friends was even lower than before and her tolerance for any drama was at a minimum, so she just said f*ck it and cut bait with me. Right now I don't think she would even care enough about me to want to hurt me. That's just my opinion, though.

 

Just in case I have changed my passwords because no one but me should be looking at my stuff, and if she or her friend have been on anything of mine I think that's definitely not right. I had the same opportunity to go on her email or facebook or twitter, but I've never done it and never will. ****, I won't even do anything on her Netflix account even though I've been dying to watch some Heroes and can't find it online anywhere else, lol.

 

Honestly how I truly feel is that I want her to be happy in the end. I say things out of bitterness sometimes, and I really don't think I've said all that much bad about her even in my most heated moments. I hope she's happy, and that goes even if it's with me completely out of her life, which seems that it's the way it's going to be. I may not end up doing anything with all the stuff she's given me, I don't want to completely forget all the good times just because there are bad memories there too. Without the downs you will never have ups in your life. Unless that is just some BS fortune cookie nonsense, lol.

[Chi townD]

LOL! Good for you. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Don't let this get you down. I always have believed that there is a girl out there that was made for you and she's waiting for you to find her.

 

So, get out and enjoy life! Take chances! Do different things and have an adventure!

 

Later!

[KewlBum]

My break up was on the weekend of Valentine's Day. That whole weekend I felt like things weren't the same between us. I too wish I wasn't with my ex on that day! He too gave me a gift and a Valentine's Day card- which he wrote that he was lucky to have me and that he loved me so much....etc...what BS & lies!

 

I wish my ex was straight forward with me too! I don't know why he just kept pretending that everything was fine. Honestly, I think he had a hard time breaking it off with me because I WAS A VERY GOOD GF to him! I deserve so much better! And you do too!

 

I've also been wanting to give back a couple of his belongings but seriously what am I thinking??? Inside I only want to do that because I want to see him....I need to stop making excuses. The fact of the matter is....if he really wanted it back he would call for them. You & me both need to take advice and just throw away the stuff our ex gave to us or left for us.

 

And seriously who gives 2 cents about what your ex or her friend thinks of you being on here. They can't control you!

 

Do you have msn messanger? I'd love a chat buddy!

My gf broke up with me a couple weeks after valentines. What really hurts was that it happened fairly abruptly. For Valentines she made me a card that said I was the best thing to happen to her life. She got me a key with an engraving that said "the key to my heart". A couple days before the breakup, she sent me a video for our 6 months saying how I treat her so well, how I was an amzaing bf, etc etc. Then she friggin dumps me via a text! I wish she didn't string me along, or at least give me those gifts. It's like one second she's telling me how great I am, giving me sweet romantic presents, then the next second she dumps me and doesn't even have the decency to do it in person or even a ohone call. Yes, I made mistakes in the relationship...I'm not perfect. But it's not like I cheated on her. I was a a great boyfriend and she knows that in her heart. I didn't deserve that.

 

I've been thinking of throwing away all the stuff she's given me...but in the end...i just can't. They mean to much to me. Even though whenever I look at them I would think of her and get sad...I just can't throw them away...

[bananaboat11]

OP - I honestly have not read a SINGLE reply to this thread, but I wanted to say... from a former dumper and dumpee's POV... you meant something, know that. It's unnatural and certainly against human psyche/emotion to completely disregard your time spent with someone...

 

I fell hard for my recent ex... and luckily for me, I do not expect to ever hear from her again. Most of the time, that void... the emptiness... the anguish you feel in your heart (which is completely normal) mends. Time doesn't change things... DOING THINGS changes things over time. Use this time, as I have, to better yourself. Talk it out with your close friends, with those of us on LS who care (and a lot of us do), become proactive in your community or education. Pick up a hobby and/or start going to the gym. Make definite change! Soon, those wounds will heal. The emotional torment will be subdued... and those tears your cry at night (as I once have, too) will collect (metaphorically) and shine right through your soul and you will once again radiate all the colors you once had. Thus allowing the outside world to see YOU.

 

...meanwhile. The lost lover... the selfish significant other who thought only of themselves. They begin to sense a loss. They look over their shoulder wondering where you are. They don't find comfort in their new lover as they once had with you... there is a GOOD reason why they were with you to begin with. Depending on the personality type, the majority will no longer feel that temporary comfort... and those niceties they found in their new partner will vanish. And all they will know of is you...

 

Time is a rigid construct, yet there is no definitive set of time it may take for this to happen. It happens. I am a former dumper and dumpee... and truly after every relationship (LT OR ST), I never thought I'd care about 'them' again... or hear from them. Yet, we always go back (or they always come back). Good breakup, mutual breakup, bad breakup, left without saying goodbye breakup, immature breakup, catastrophic breakup (these are a case by case basis - ie, my last breakup LOL)....

 

...we are ALL human (clearly). Human emotion envelops each and every one of us in this wealth of sentiment, zeal, drive, pride, anger, despair, and the list goes on... WE feel. I was with you... he was with her. She was with him. They were together.... why? Because there was clearly something there. There was an attraction... and I find any relationship lasting longer than 1-2 months... it was more. As much as you, the dumper or dumpee WANT to believe the other is over you and has moved on. YOU are so wrong... I don't give two ****s whether you admit it or not. Unless you have mental issues... your heart and your thoughts dictate your actions. Sometimes we have total control, while still, other instances we are encumbered by our minds and our passions.

 

Take comfort in these words now... you, the dumpee are not broken. Unless you've cheated on your s/o and they left you (or did something entirely ****ed up), they are the one with the problem. They left. Keep that in mind.

 

I've found since my breakup, I've taken notice of my surroundings more. Engaging in life, slowly, I rebuild who I was once, but better. I can finally rest my head at night and not be afraid of being alone... but I am not whole. Not yet. I know, one day, as I walk the busy city streets I will find myself glaring into a department store display window and find myself again, but I can only take each day as it comes. I cannot rush these things as I try to find myself. And neither can you...

 

Spend this time to empower yourself to be better... do not take shelter in negative influences. They will only set you farther back than you belong. Love is not a fairy tale... and I do not believe in soul mates. But I do believe in 'the one'. There are people out there... MANY of them who possess the qualities you are searching for and they, of you. BUT... do not go seeking them out. If you do.. you will be blinded by your own reflection as you will not see past yourself in your own arrogance. Be yourself, be honest, open, and true. Protect your heart, but be mindful of keeping it open just a nudge... and the day they find you... and you.. them. In the moment... will define the rest of your days. Let it be as it should... do not force it. Be the best person YOU can be... learn from your past, but do not dwell.

 

Lingering on what once was... second chances may be possible, but always remember that baggage will ALWAYS be there (why you broke up in the first place). As much as you wish to push it out and despite both parties saying it's completely behind them... it will never TRULY be. It will always be there. Both the dumper and dumpee must work so hard to make it work and go forward... once you bend a sippy straw.. or a paper clip... or something pliable... it never reforms its original shape. Be mindful of that... relationships... love... infatuation... dedication... companionship are brittle.

 

Find yourself. Be yourself. Love yourself.

 

...and live.

[Dodgers27]

OP - I honestly have not read a SINGLE reply to this thread, but I wanted to say... from a former dumper and dumpee's POV... you meant something, know that. It's unnatural and certainly against human psyche/emotion to completely disregard your time spent with someone...

 

I fell hard for my recent ex... and luckily for me, I do not expect to ever hear from her again. Most of the time, that void... the emptiness... the anguish you feel in your heart (which is completely normal) mends. Time doesn't change things... DOING THINGS changes things over time. Use this time, as I have, to better yourself. Talk it out with your close friends, with those of us on LS who care (and a lot of us do), become proactive in your community or education. Pick up a hobby and/or start going to the gym. Make definite change! Soon, those wounds will heal. The emotional torment will be subdued... and those tears your cry at night (as I once have, too) will collect (metaphorically) and shine right through your soul and you will once again radiate all the colors you once had. Thus allowing the outside world to see YOU.

 

...meanwhile. The lost lover... the selfish significant other who thought only of themselves. They begin to sense a loss. They look over their shoulder wondering where you are. They don't find comfort in their new lover as they once had with you... there is a GOOD reason why they were with you to begin with. Depending on the personality type, the majority will no longer feel that temporary comfort... and those niceties they found in their new partner will vanish. And all they will know of is you...

 

Time is a rigid construct, yet there is no definitive set of time it may take for this to happen. It happens. I am a former dumper and dumpee... and truly after every relationship (LT OR ST), I never thought I'd care about 'them' again... or hear from them. Yet, we always go back (or they always come back). Good breakup, mutual breakup, bad breakup, left without saying goodbye breakup, immature breakup, catastrophic breakup (these are a case by case basis - ie, my last breakup LOL)....

 

...we are ALL human (clearly). Human emotion envelops each and every one of us in this wealth of sentiment, zeal, drive, pride, anger, despair, and the list goes on... WE feel. I was with you... he was with her. She was with him. They were together.... why? Because there was clearly something there. There was an attraction... and I find any relationship lasting longer than 1-2 months... it was more. As much as you, the dumper or dumpee WANT to believe the other is over you and has moved on. YOU are so wrong... I don't give two ****s whether you admit it or not. Unless you have mental issues... your heart and your thoughts dictate your actions. Sometimes we have total control, while still, other instances we are encumbered by our minds and our passions.

 

Take comfort in these words now... you, the dumpee are not broken. Unless you've cheated on your s/o and they left you (or did something entirely ****ed up), they are the one with the problem. They left. Keep that in mind.

 

I've found since my breakup, I've taken notice of my surroundings more. Engaging in life, slowly, I rebuild who I was once, but better. I can finally rest my head at night and not be afraid of being alone... but I am not whole. Not yet. I know, one day, as I walk the busy city streets I will find myself glaring into a department store display window and find myself again, but I can only take each day as it comes. I cannot rush these things as I try to find myself. And neither can you...

 

Spend this time to empower yourself to be better... do not take shelter in negative influences. They will only set you farther back than you belong. Love is not a fairy tale... and I do not believe in soul mates. But I do believe in 'the one'. There are people out there... MANY of them who possess the qualities you are searching for and they, of you. BUT... do not go seeking them out. If you do.. you will be blinded by your own reflection as you will not see past yourself in your own arrogance. Be yourself, be honest, open, and true. Protect your heart, but be mindful of keeping it open just a nudge... and the day they find you... and you.. them. In the moment... will define the rest of your days. Let it be as it should... do not force it. Be the best person YOU can be... learn from your past, but do not dwell.

 

Lingering on what once was... second chances may be possible, but always remember that baggage will ALWAYS be there (why you broke up in the first place). As much as you wish to push it out and despite both parties saying it's completely behind them... it will never TRULY be. It will always be there. Both the dumper and dumpee must work so hard to make it work and go forward... once you bend a sippy straw.. or a paper clip... or something pliable... it never reforms its original shape. Be mindful of that... relationships... love... infatuation... dedication... companionship are brittle.

 

Find yourself. Be yourself. Love yourself.

 

...and live.

 

Wow, that's some powerful stuff. Are you a writer? If not you may want to consider it, that was really good. It would make me feel much better to know that she just didn't forget about me and she will eventually miss me. I realize that any kind of relationship we could have had post breakup is over, but I really don't want her opinion of me to be anything bad, but i'm not sure that's possible now.

 

I'll be ok. Like you said, I just need to start doing things to start mending my broken heart. I want to join a gym, and I want to start doing more things with friends every weekend. I want to be very active and start having a lot of fun.

[just1guy]

OP - I honestly have not read a SINGLE reply to this thread, but I wanted to say... from a former dumper and dumpee's POV... you meant something, know that. It's unnatural and certainly against human psyche/emotion to completely disregard your time spent with someone...

 

I fell hard for my recent ex... and luckily for me, I do not expect to ever hear from her again. Most of the time, that void... the emptiness... the anguish you feel in your heart (which is completely normal) mends. Time doesn't change things... DOING THINGS changes things over time. Use this time, as I have, to better yourself. Talk it out with your close friends, with those of us on LS who care (and a lot of us do), become proactive in your community or education. Pick up a hobby and/or start going to the gym. Make definite change! Soon, those wounds will heal. The emotional torment will be subdued... and those tears your cry at night (as I once have, too) will collect (metaphorically) and shine right through your soul and you will once again radiate all the colors you once had. Thus allowing the outside world to see YOU.

 

...meanwhile. The lost lover... the selfish significant other who thought only of themselves. They begin to sense a loss. They look over their shoulder wondering where you are. They don't find comfort in their new lover as they once had with you... there is a GOOD reason why they were with you to begin with. Depending on the personality type, the majority will no longer feel that temporary comfort... and those niceties they found in their new partner will vanish. And all they will know of is you...

 

Time is a rigid construct, yet there is no definitive set of time it may take for this to happen. It happens. I am a former dumper and dumpee... and truly after every relationship (LT OR ST), I never thought I'd care about 'them' again... or hear from them. Yet, we always go back (or they always come back). Good breakup, mutual breakup, bad breakup, left without saying goodbye breakup, immature breakup, catastrophic breakup (these are a case by case basis - ie, my last breakup LOL)....

 

...we are ALL human (clearly). Human emotion envelops each and every one of us in this wealth of sentiment, zeal, drive, pride, anger, despair, and the list goes on... WE feel. I was with you... he was with her. She was with him. They were together.... why? Because there was clearly something there. There was an attraction... and I find any relationship lasting longer than 1-2 months... it was more. As much as you, the dumper or dumpee WANT to believe the other is over you and has moved on. YOU are so wrong... I don't give two ****s whether you admit it or not. Unless you have mental issues... your heart and your thoughts dictate your actions. Sometimes we have total control, while still, other instances we are encumbered by our minds and our passions.

 

Take comfort in these words now... you, the dumpee are not broken. Unless you've cheated on your s/o and they left you (or did something entirely ****ed up), they are the one with the problem. They left. Keep that in mind.

 

I've found since my breakup, I've taken notice of my surroundings more. Engaging in life, slowly, I rebuild who I was once, but better. I can finally rest my head at night and not be afraid of being alone... but I am not whole. Not yet. I know, one day, as I walk the busy city streets I will find myself glaring into a department store display window and find myself again, but I can only take each day as it comes. I cannot rush these things as I try to find myself. And neither can you...

 

Spend this time to empower yourself to be better... do not take shelter in negative influences. They will only set you farther back than you belong. Love is not a fairy tale... and I do not believe in soul mates. But I do believe in 'the one'. There are people out there... MANY of them who possess the qualities you are searching for and they, of you. BUT... do not go seeking them out. If you do.. you will be blinded by your own reflection as you will not see past yourself in your own arrogance. Be yourself, be honest, open, and true. Protect your heart, but be mindful of keeping it open just a nudge... and the day they find you... and you.. them. In the moment... will define the rest of your days. Let it be as it should... do not force it. Be the best person YOU can be... learn from your past, but do not dwell.

 

Lingering on what once was... second chances may be possible, but always remember that baggage will ALWAYS be there (why you broke up in the first place). As much as you wish to push it out and despite both parties saying it's completely behind them... it will never TRULY be. It will always be there. Both the dumper and dumpee must work so hard to make it work and go forward... once you bend a sippy straw.. or a paper clip... or something pliable... it never reforms its original shape. Be mindful of that... relationships... love... infatuation... dedication... companionship are brittle.

 

Find yourself. Be yourself. Love yourself.

 

...and live.

 

 

excellent post.

[bananaboat11]

thanks. It isn't easy, but that's what makes life worth living.

 

As a joke... I asked one of my friends what the meaning of life was...

 

her response? "If we knew the answer, you wouldn't want to live..."

 

I took that in for a moment. Interpret it as you please, but I know where my response lies. in my heart