Tahoe Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 I'm new to this site as well as this situation, so any advice is much appreciated. I got out of a 4 year relationship last spring. I've been touch and go with dating ever since, not really sure I wanted to get back into the dating scene after getting my heart broken. Recently, however, I met a wonderful man whom I felt an instant connection with, both physically and mentally. After about a month of dinners and exchanged texts, I slept with him. The most amazing sex I've ever had in my life, which made the connection with him even stronger. My problem, if you can call it that, is I don't know how to deal with the racism we are getting as a "couple." I am white, he is black and this is my first interracial relationship. I've never seen that as a problem, but my opinion isn't other peoples opinion. Recently Ive noticed a lot of negative attention towards us when we are out in public, and it makes things awkward for me as much as I wish it didn't. I find men approaching me when my bf isnt looking, fabricating things to try to tear us apart, or saying completely rude, stereotypical things. And on the opposite side, Im finding African American women hurling insults at me as we hold hands. I know its not me, and I know its not him. Its us together that seems to be the topic. I know racism is still alive in this country, and I dont expect people to stop. I just need advice on how to deal with these things when it comes up. (please dont say 'just ignore it' because there are some days that is just impossible) Thanks!
skydiveaddict Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 What drives these people is jealousy and ignorance. You say , "please dont tell me to ignore it", but you may have to do just that. You like this guy, he likes you, so forget all the other crap. Enjoy each other.
MalachiX Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Ah yes. Nothing like an interracial couple to remind us how backwards the world still is. I love how so many blacks and whites who don't think of themselves as biggots are completely fine with denouncing interracial dating. Anyway, the real question is "what can you do?" You can get angry at every person who makes a comment and he can beat up every guy who is an ass but that's not gonna get you anywhere. You either have to ignore it or perhaps find a community that is more tolerant. Or you can just stay in your home and watch Far From Heaven over and over.
boogieboy Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 You DONT deal with these things. You have to practice ignoring it. You have to practice not letting it get to you. It will take a while but you can do it. Or the other thing you can do is laugh at them when they do it. If you see them as pathetic, you wont think of it as seriously when it happens.
aerogurl87 Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 I'm in an interracial relationship too (I'm black and he's white). I get the comments from black guys saying "why not date a brother", the dirty looks from other people, etc. And honestly you have to learn to ignore it. This is how I look at it, the people hurling insults are just jealous and the ones giving us the odd stares are just ignorant and need to get with the times. Think of it that way, and you'll be fine. But just about all the guys I've dated have been white so my family (and yes my sister was one of those people saying why not date a black guy) has pretty much come to accept that 9 times out of 10 I'll end up with a guy outside my race. As for everyone else I really don't care what they think as long as I'm happy.
reservoirdog1 Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Wow. We like to think we've come a long way in regards to race relations. It's experiences like this that demonstrate that there's still a long way to go.
threebyfate Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Unless you're prepared to ignore the racism and can stop relying on external opinion to validate your choice of partner, I would recommend that you forget this relationship. And no, I'm not one who believes in racial purity. If anything, I would love this world to become beige, so people can find other things to fight about, rather than silly skin colour.
Sweetie1977 Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Ignore outside people,most of them dont have your best interest in mind So umm i guess the myth is true about Black Men?
BackUpOrGetStung Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Sweetie, please delete that last post before WWIII breaks out from it.
stillafool Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Yes unfortunately the only thing you can do is ignore them. You can't change the entire world. The next time the two of you are out don't even look at people to watch their response, just keep your eyes on him.
Author Tahoe Posted March 29, 2010 Author Posted March 29, 2010 thank you everyone for your comments. I'm glad to see no racist crap from here, it helps. Youre right tho, I need to learn to ignore it and accept that there are just ignorant childish people out there. Hes a great man with a great heart, I'm just lucky to have found it
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