airuhkuh Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 I've been dating a guy for the past 2 years almost. We started dating in high school and now we're freshmen in college in the same city but not the same school. About four months ago, I felt like things were going downhill. Not very perceptibly, but we started to snipe at each other, I couldn't help but nag him sometimes, he seemed more immature than usual, and he'd lose his patience with me which is very unusual. But at the time, it didn't seem like a big deal. We'd apologize and go back to our loving selves for several days. But I need to go back even farther than that. My boyfriend has been the only guy I've dated or kissed, so he's my first everything. I haven't had anything with another guy, which occasionally bothers me. There are rare times when my curiosity gets to me, but usually I can just push it away because I want to be with him more than I'm curious. I went on vacation without him two weeks ago to Steamboat Springs (he can't really ski and it was too expensive for him to pay his way). I will say that I didn't really miss him, which is normal for me when I go on vacations without him. I had a snowboarding instructor who basically had private lessons with me for 3 days. As much as I feel bad about admitting it now, we flirted very heavily on the last two days, hardly even thinking about the bf. On the third day, we went out to grab a bite after the lesson. He invited me to go to the hot springs with a few of his friends, to which I said I'd see (not even a flat out no) because I had to go to dinner with my parents. Ended up not going to the hot springs. Being with him, even if I did nothing physically or wasn't really with him much, kind of opened my eyes to other guys, I guess. That curiosity about being with other guys came back full force, stronger than ever. I'm ashamed to think of what I probably would've done at the hot springs and I'm quite glad I couldn't go. Once I got back home, he and I continued to text occasionally, and often they were very flirtatious. I acted very coldly to the bf, though I was beginning to feel terrible for everything. Sex wasn't happening, and to a 19 yr old boy who hadn't seen me in a week, it just stressed us both out a lot. I began to think about how maybe it was time to end things. After about a week, the texting died down to almost nothing and things with the bf were getting back to normal. We had a date this past Wednesday, and when we tried to have sex, all of my pent up bad feelings burst and I cried. When he left that night, I chatted on facebook to a friend who I'd been telling everything to, and I mentioned the instructor and all of my questions about maybe wanting to break up with the bf. He apparently got on my facebook, looked at the chat, and called me, obviously very upset. We had a long talk that night. We talked about how he always brings up marriage and the future and how it scares me and pushes me away. We talked about the instructor, and how he knows I want to study abroad and do things but he's scared he'll lose me because I have an "adventurous spirit" and always seem to find someone else to "entertain myself" with. I told him how I'd felt like he was acting immature and insecure a lot, and we both agreed that our communication (which we used to pride ourselves on) had been almost nonexistent these past few months. I mentioned how I didn't miss him on trips while he counted down the days til I got home, and how I didn't feel very excited to spend time with him or see him anymore, and maybe I didn't care about him as much as I used to. I felt like he loved me more than I loved him. The next day we decided to try and work things out. Obviously, there was a lot of thing we could try to fix. We're going to work on our communication, making sure we talk about the deep things as well as the superficial day to day things. We're going to try and get out of our routine and do novel things together. He's going to try and express his insecurities in a better way while I'm going to try and express my love for him more often. And things are getting better. The tension is gone, and I'm enjoying our time. But there is still this part of me... I don't know. Getting that out of the blue text from my instructor gets me really happy and excited, which I know is just so wrong. Part of me thinks that if I had just cut ties with the bf while I was still feeling like it, I could move on to exciting new things. If I broke up with him though, I'd miss that constant companion who I can talk to... I told myself that I'd work on this relationship for at least a month... But sometimes my feelings are so clouded and I get so frustrated that I can't figure out what I want.. It's driving me crazy.
Woman In Blue Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 I'm going to be brutally honest with you, sweetie. You're only 19 years old - still a teenager. A TEENAGER. This is the time in your life when you're supposed to be experiencing new things and new friends and new relationships and new romances. You're never going to be a teenager again, and forcing yourself to stay with a BOY whose only 19 years old (but like most of them, probably has the emotional maturity of a 15 year old boy) is such a collassal waste of your young years. STOP trying to ignore your desire to get out and experience life!!!
Recommended Posts