Cora Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 So once the tears finally stopped for now and I can actually see straight again, I started to think. I have been wondering to myself, how does one actually make a relationship work? I haven't been in many relationships at all over my short twenty seven years on this earth. Well....only been in two relationships to be exact and I'm not even sure if you could call the first one a real relationship. The other flings and things I've been in never even made it to six months. How the hell does a couple make it to a year or longer? I was a late bloomer I guess. I never dated as a teenager...partly because I am terribly shy and partly because I was raised in a pretty strict environment. I never did the whole prom thing in high school and never brought a guy home to meet my parents. I never really knew how it felt to be in a relationship or have a boyfriend until recently and it was all new to me. I guess I'm getting better since before I'd usually only go on a few dates and then the guy would say I'm sorry you're just not for me or I think we'd be better off as just friends. This time I actually was in a relationship for a whole four months! Yay for me right? Well, how does one make a relationship successful and make it last? I'm not talking about marriage here.....just something that is meaningful and lasts at least longer than six months. I'm sure it may be easier to get over something that only lasted for a few short months, but I'd at least like to experience a long term relationship once in my life. I sometimes wonder if there may be something wrong with me? I mean I have friends my age and people I went to school with getting married and having children, starting families of their own and here I am haven't even been in my first long term relationship. As silly as it may sound it kind of gets me down at times. I kind of thought this was it and I was finally going to be able to experience it, but what do ya know? The guy dumped me. I guess I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. All I can say is it must be one hell of a job to keep a relationship going for a long time. I can barely get into one much less keep one going. Sometimes you just don't even want to try anymore. I mean it shouldn't be that much work should it? Am I missing something here? Is there some kind of hidden secret I should know about? You all will have to excuse me...my emotions are still doing a lot of the talking here since the breakup is still fresh. It just really sucks sometimes. You look around at all the happy couples who have been together for years and wonder how the hell do they do it?
monkeymaid Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 would you mind expanding on your strict upbringing? and you said you are a late bloomer. what constitutes late?i am 26 (27 in april) and just got out of my 1st real relationship lasting about 2 years. i had my first kiss at 21 (to my ex), lost the vcard at 22 (to a superficial relationship). ...i was also raised in a very strict environment and it was fear that held me back. ...still fear holds me back, just not as much. parents still together? was your dad stricter or you mom? how do you view their relationship?
Author Cora Posted March 29, 2010 Author Posted March 29, 2010 would you mind expanding on your strict upbringing? and you said you are a late bloomer. what constitutes late?i am 26 (27 in april) and just got out of my 1st real relationship lasting about 2 years. i had my first kiss at 21 (to my ex), lost the vcard at 22 (to a superficial relationship). ...i was also raised in a very strict environment and it was fear that held me back. ...still fear holds me back, just not as much. parents still together? was your dad stricter or you mom? how do you view their relationship? Hey, thanks for responding. Well, my parents are very religious and raised my brother and I that way. My mother is the stricter of the two parents and had a fit whenever I wanted to go out with friends and therefor I just found it easier to become a bit of a hermit. It was much easier to keep my mother happy than to disobey her and have to live with the consequences. She also had a bit of a controlling nature as well and one hell of a temper. My dad was more passive, but yet agreed with whatever my mother said just to make things easier. She definitely wears the pants in the family. They are still married...going on thirty eight years now. Got married when they were really young and the way I look at their marriage is one heck of a roller coaster ride, but I guess for the most part they love each other. I mean they must if they have been together for this long? Fear held me back quite a bit and still does very much to this day....which is what caused this guy to dump me. That's why I think I'm taking this so hard. When I said I was a late bloomer, I didn't have my first date until the age of twenty four, first kiss at twenty six and lost my virginity to the same guy at twenty six due to stupidity. Other than that I haven't had much experience.
Author Cora Posted March 29, 2010 Author Posted March 29, 2010 why did you break up? We broke up because he felt I wasn't opening up to him enough. Like I wasn't willing to let him completely into my life. See...he has a very supportive family who he is very close to. He shares everything with them and had even told them about me. It bothered him that I hadn't told my family about him yet and it made him feel like I was hiding him. I can totally understand his point of view and I don't blame him. However, I told him just give me some time because I wanted to tell them and I will when I am comfortable, but I guess he felt that would be never. He felt like I was keeping him some big secret and that really hurt him. I didn't do this intentionally and I feel horrible! This is all so new to me which I explained to him and I also explained to him how I'm not as close to my family as he is with his and how my family can be sometimes....especially my mother. To this day, she is still quite controlling and has anger issues. This all was too much for him.....not so much the way my mother is/can be, but the fact that I could not even tell them about him. I don't know what the hell I'm so afraid of or why I do this? But I feel as if this fear is ruining my life and causing my relationships to fail. It hurts to know that I caused him to break up with me.
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