Physical Graffiti Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I recently had a one nighter with a man who says he's married on paper only, as I am. Let's put aside that they all say that - I'm just telling you what I was told. He has a couple of older kids. We agreed that this was sex only and not looking to break up families. Fine. We finally met and had amazing sex, but now he said he feels guilty (I know, most of them do). He said it takes too much out of him to plan it all, lie and cover his tracks. I was disappointed as we had planned to have an ongoing thing, but I accepted it. He and I did things that he would have had to pay a lot of money for a hooker to do. He kept reiterating that it was fantastic but he just couldn't do it again. I know it's impossible to predict another's thoughts, feelings, actions, but I say he'll be back. I confided this is my male hair stylist and he said he has customers who do this all the time. They do it, feel guilty, get horny again, forget the guilt and come back. What's everyone's experience and opinions about this? Do you think he'll be back? And thanks for not throwing stones, if you know what I mean.
Fouts Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 It's free sex, when he gets horny enough he'll probably come back now and then. Keep in mind that men in that mindset always are looking for fresh meat though, so don't exactly wait around tapping your foot if he's good looking and has an engaging personality.
Author Physical Graffiti Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 Very interesting, had not thought about that. I told him that I'd be happy with just whenever our schedules could allow it. Thanks for the reply!
Author Physical Graffiti Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 Waiting for my oldest to turn 18 next year - then I'm out of there. Right now it's cheaper to keep him.
Author Physical Graffiti Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 and for anyone else who wants to make smart comments, he's not some loving husband who brings me flowers on Valentine's Day and anniversaries, and asks me how my day was after work. I don't want to give away too many details in case someone recognizes me, but he's a bad husband. Yeah, I know, all women cheat because of bad husbands, but trust me: he really is one.
Lizzie60 Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 PG... yes most men feel guilty until they get horny again.. then the guilt is gone.. He'll be back... trust me on that one.. especially if the sex was amazing.. He might go somewhere else.. but if he can't 'match' you sexually, he'll be back. The thing is.. since you're also attached.. these guys, sometimes, prefer unattached females, for the availability... He'll be back...10000% certain.
Fouts Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 Waiting for my oldest to turn 18 next year - then I'm out of there. Right now it's cheaper to keep him. It sounds like you just want a FB until you can get your life reorganized and are single again. They're out there, maybe you should try not to find someone so complicated. It would seem to make more sense to only have to arrange your schedule to get laid, as opposed to waiting for the planets to be in alignment and then deal with this man's emotional wreckage afterward. Lots of good lovers out there, if you can't find one, pick out a hunky guy and make one
scatterd Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 Not to be rude but you say your husband is a bad man is being used for sex a good man.Have you done counsiling your son is grown.get divoriced and let your bad man find someone else and find a single man that has more to offer then sex.good luck
Author Physical Graffiti Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 Mine truly is a complicated situation that I can't get into too much detail about. Have to wait for a few certain things to happen - not hope for them to happen, they WILL happen - but I've got to be patient. I can't divorce him just like that or I would have already.
Author Physical Graffiti Posted March 29, 2010 Author Posted March 29, 2010 PG... yes most men feel guilty until they get horny again.. then the guilt is gone.. He'll be back... trust me on that one.. especially if the sex was amazing.. He might go somewhere else.. but if he can't 'match' you sexually, he'll be back. The thing is.. since you're also attached.. these guys, sometimes, prefer unattached females, for the availability... He'll be back...10000% certain. Is it possible for you to PM me? I want to give you a few more details.
Lizzie60 Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 PG... yes most men feel guilty until they get horny again.. then the guilt is gone.. He'll be back... trust me on that one.. especially if the sex was amazing.. He might go somewhere else.. but if he can't 'match' you sexually, he'll be back. The thing is.. since you're also attached.. these guys, sometimes, prefer unattached females, for the availability... He'll be back...10000% certain. Is it possible for you to PM me? I want to give you a few more details. No I can't pm you.. since you're a new member.. it takes a certain amount of time and posts to become an established member.. unless you subscribe, for a ridiculous price about 2.50 a month... (price of a coffee) then you have the pm option right away.
Woman In Blue Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 If you did things for him that only a professional hooker would do - and for FREE - believe me, he'll be back when his so-called 'guilt' wears off. Funny how they all claim how guilty they are only AFTER they don't have a hardon anymore. Here's something to consider. If your MM claims he's only married "on paper," then where is this supposed 'guilt' coming from? I guess it wouldn't be a far stretch at all to assume he's lying about his marital status. He's probably so used to lying to women about it so he can get laid that he actually has started believing his own bullsh*it. LOL.
Author Physical Graffiti Posted March 29, 2010 Author Posted March 29, 2010 (edited) He said he feels guilty lying about where he's been. Is he really married? I don't know for sure. Edited March 29, 2010 by Physical Graffiti
Dexter Morgan Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 What's everyone's experience and opinions about this? Do you think he'll be back? Do I think he'll be back? .....do I care? I notice you don't really care to even mention your husband and what you are doing to him....all you care about is whether this jerk that cheats on his wife and kids will come back. wow.....just......wow why don't you just get a divorce so your husband can find someone that respects him?
Dexter Morgan Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 and for anyone else who wants to make smart comments, he's not some loving husband who brings me flowers on Valentine's Day and anniversaries, and asks me how my day was after work. I don't want to give away too many details in case someone recognizes me, but he's a bad husband.. whatever it takes to justify despicable behavior....I'm sure you were a jewel of a wife too.
2sunny Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 I don't want to give away too many details in case someone recognizes me, but he's a bad husband. Yeah, I know, all women cheat because of bad husbands, but trust me: he really is one. no - i guarantee you - not ALL women cheat because a man is a bad husband. i chose to divorce - even after 20 years... i never cheated. do not say ALL women cheat when the H is bad. bad is subjective as well. you are generalizing a lot to justify your bad behavior.
Author Physical Graffiti Posted March 29, 2010 Author Posted March 29, 2010 I don't care if you care. I love how people are judgmental when they have NO idea about the situation. You have no idea the **** my husband has put me through. He doesn't deserve nor has earned respect - so he gets none. Why don't I divorce him? Did you not read all the posts? I can't right now - for reasons that are none of your business. It's coming - I just can't right now.
Author Physical Graffiti Posted March 29, 2010 Author Posted March 29, 2010 I'm not justifying my behavior. Only people who care about their behavior try to justify it and I don't care. He's a bad husband. I can't tell you why here, but he is.
Enema Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Yes yes... we get it. He's a bad husband, you're a bad wife, MM is a bad husband and probably says his wife is bad too. Everyone's bad. Back to the OP - Yes, I think he'll come back for more. I just hope you're aware of the realities of the non-relationship with him and are happy with it.
Author Physical Graffiti Posted March 29, 2010 Author Posted March 29, 2010 Yes, we're all bad. Agree. Yes I'm aware of that and for right now, I'm OK with it. I may not be next week, next month or next year, but for now, I am.
aerogurl87 Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Excuses, excuses, OP. If the kid is 17, just divorce your hubby now and move on. Your child will be off to college next year which is already stressful on it's own, having mom and dad divorce at the same time will be even more stressful so let him get that out of his system first. Anyway to answer your question, he may or may not be back, it all depends. If the sex was mind blowing and he can't get it anywhere else for free he'll be back. But if he can find the same goods somewhere else with a female who isn't attached, he probably won't. By the way if you really want to find a FB just try something like AFF, lots of people on there although I don't agree with what you're doing.
2sunny Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 yes, you are justifying... you just aren't willing to admit it. when you want to change things - you will. good luck with all this crap you seem to have created for yourself... we can't help at all if you aren't willing to admit - much less change. to answer the original question - YES - he'll be back when he doesn't have his "other options" available to him... are you willing to stand in line and wait for HIM to decide he MAY want you for five minutes of use? or are you going to be strong enough to say no so you can start earning your self respect back?
Author Physical Graffiti Posted March 29, 2010 Author Posted March 29, 2010 If I could reveal the reason I have to wait, I bet you'd all say "I see. I'd wait too!" It's not as easy as it sounds. You're missing pieces of the puzzle so of course it doesn't look right.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 OP, why come here asking for advice when you can't / won't give details of your situation? It's completely anonymous and you certainly can skew pertinent details enough to conceal your identity even more.
2sunny Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 If I could reveal the reason I have to wait, I bet you'd all say "I see. I'd wait too!" It's not as easy as it sounds. You're missing pieces of the puzzle so of course it doesn't look right. details usually have no bearing on the principle to the matter. don't distort what you are unwilling to face. find a solution based on principles and integrity.
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