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My second chance story - 8 additional months of heart break.


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Posted (edited)

Here is my second chance story –

I did take a break with my girlfriend 8 months ago. We spent almost 2 years together. At the time we were having some problems, and the happiness was not there. There was a lot of and take, I gave everything in the beginning, and I took more at the end. (We could not agree on anything, and we did need time apart) We did not talk for a few weeks. She began to contact me, and we did talk and even went out for dinner. We still had a connection, but we did not jump into anything. She began to give me all kinds of mixed signals. She would tell me she wants to stay over with me, that she wants to have sex again, that she misses so many things…etc. None of this ever happened. I was not expecting it to until we were committed again.

 

 

A little background about me – I come from a wealthy background. I do not show it one bit when I begin dating. I want girls to want me for the right reasons. For some reason this attracts me so much more to women that are like this. After months of dating she realized I had a lot. Yes she did ask for some nicer things, and fancy dinners, and it was all within reason, and she deserved it.

 

 

 

I wanted a second chance really bad we both would hang out a few times a week. We would kiss, and tell each other I love you. I thought we were taking things slow; and everything seemed to be working I asked her for a second chance. I told her I have never asked for much in life. (Which I haven’t) I have always given a lot. But one thing I will ask for is a second chance with you. She said well we are going on dates 1-2x a week again. This is the beginning of a second chance. I agreed.

 

 

A month later she told me if we both love each other it is time to move forward with each other or move on. I felt this was my lucky break. She told me if I am serious about her this means getting engaged. We discussed marriage in the past. I told her ok. It did take me several weeks to get a diamond. I wanted to make it special. And not every store in town has a 3.5 carat diamond sitting around. Now comes time for the big question I get the I need time to think about it answer. I told her as far as I am concerned that is a no. I gave her some time, to be respectful. Then went me met to talk we were holding each other’s hands, hands on each other’s hearts, crying, and kissed then I got a no, that she still loves me but her heart is not ready for this. (Strange way to breakup)

 

 

I got rid of the diamond. I went out and bought the convertible Mercedes I have always wanted. She wanted to know why I got that. I told her not to worry about it, and you can never say that I did not give you what you wanted first. She told me her biggest fear is me getting, and using this car for all the wrong reasons. I told her again not to worry about it. I have made the mistake of breaking away with you, but you made the decision to end it with me.

 

 

 

If you really want to second chance let them really know. If they say no break away, and do what is best for yourself. I think I might have tried to fix things to quickly, even though I listened to her. I am not going to contact her anymore. If she contacts me depending on what it is about. I will see how I feel about it, she may or may not get a response. I am at peace with this now, because I know I did everything I could to rekindle this. I can never say I did not try.

 

 

 

I still love her, and I still want this. I am not going to let her know? Absolutely not! Only time will tell what happens. Will I date other girls? Sure I will when I feel it is right, and when the right one comes along. Will she ever come back? I don’t know. Is she coming back for the right reasons?

 

 

 

Will I give her a second chance? If it is for the right reason and she shows effort, shows she cares, and if I don’t have someone else in my life. I will at least meet with her. I know she is my soul mate. It took for 30 years to meet her, and it will be a life time to forget her.

 

 

 

I feel all I got was 8 more months of heart break, and mixed signals.

 

 

I am getting all of the off my mind. Any thoughts, opinions, and good advice are always welcome.

Edited by cg27
Posted

Thoughts?

You did the right thing.

There is no such thing as a 'soulmate'. That's Romantic claptrap. if she had really been your soulmate - then guess what? She still would be.

took me 47 years and 2 marriages (one lasting 20+ years) to meet my 'soulmate'. Is he my soulmate?

Phukknose.....

 

so just live life every day, to the full, and enjoy yourself. Don't agonise. The more you agonise and listen to the "Yes, but....." and the "What if....." the less opportunity you give yourself to grab the "Hell, why not....?!?"

Posted

Man, selling the diamond for the car was brilliant. What a great metaphor for finding positive things about yourself from the breakup - doing things you always wanted to do, finding things about yourself you never knew, working on your self and your confidence. I am wondering whether I want my ex back after she broke up our 3.5 yr relationship and your story has really made me think about whether it would work, and whether it would be worth trying. You say you have no regrets because you gave it a chance - did you feel it was worth the heartbreak?

  • Author
Posted

I know it was worth the try, and I can never say I did not give it everything I had. I know that it was her final decision, and I accept that.

 

I can yes it was worth the try, but unfortunately the heartbreak came with it. I am OK with it, because I know in my heart I did everything I could. She know this too.

Posted
I can yes it was worth the try, but unfortunately the heartbreak came with it. I am OK with it, because I know in my heart I did everything I could.

 

For me this is it. I want to be able to look back on this time and say that I did everything I could think of, as well as I was able to save my marriage. I also want to be able to tell my son that honestly when he gets older.

Posted

Good for you for moving on. Gotta give your ex some credit for not riding the gravy train, too.

  • Author
Posted

She knows better then to even try to ride the gravy train! Everything we had was based on love.

Posted
She knows better then to even try to ride the gravy train! Everything we had was based on love.

 

you've got a good head on your shoulders. You're gonna be jussst fine!

Posted

Wow, this sucks to hear.

 

I like that you tried and I like your outlook going forward which is how I see things too, namely you appear to be saying you aren't going to just try and date people (well, getting into relationships with them) for the sake of being involved with them them and if one amazing one comes along then you'll give it a shot. I feel waaaaaaaaay too many people take the view of wanting to get out there and just get into relationships to the point of thinking it will get rid of feelings for someone before and they will get involved with a someone who isn't ideal for them and things will eventually end. I think this helps explain the divorce rate and the high break up rate that seems to be increasing as time goes by. Many people just don't seem to have the ability to be "alone" or show some patience and in a % of cases, put their ego and pride in check and try a second chance with someone from their past who they got along with amazingly well. I believe many failed relationships can work out again if the parties involved actually are willing to put in work and not simply think about the past break-up and expect the same outcome. Many relationships seem to end over things that can be fixable like communication problems. Maybe the problem is today most people are too lazy to put in the work and just figure the grass is always going to be greener. Again the high level of divorce and break-ups seems to point to that.

 

My feeling is it is silly to get into a relationship with someone who I know has personality traits that wouldn't jive with me on a long term basis as it is not fair to them and will just end up in me wasting their time (and mine) which maybe they could have found "the one" for them if I wasn't being so selfish. Plus, you have to deal with added drama when things end and I am not really into creating drama in my life for nothing. Some may say "well how do you know things won't work out if you don't at least try" but I know full well what I want and it is easy to see after getting to know someone early on.

 

I also agree in the "soul mate" type comment because from my experience in 7 years since I broke up with this woman I know I have yet to meet another who I click with as well as her and who interests me as much as her. I haven't spent all that time moping around thinking about her (the early half of the time I was taking an opposite view) but I always still had some feelings for her and over the last couple years I've just realized that at least so far she is "the one" and I don't see someone coming along who will be better for me though I realize it could happen. Thankfully I have no problem being single and doing my own thing so it isn't too big a deal to me but it would be nice if I could have a 2nd chance with her as I know it'd work out (it's been 7 years of growth and maturity and immaturity was IMO the biggest factor in us breaking up before) and we'd both be very happy.

 

I can pretty much guarantee you that you'll hear back from that woman even though what she did was pretty douchie to you and maybe you guys tried again too soon but as you said, you tried your best so you can feel good with that. It seems clear to me she is just being wishy-washy and I've no doubt she'll clue-in, put her hesitance and fear aside and be wanting back in your life because from what you said there is nothing there that indicates her feelings have changed for you. Obviously when that time comes you'll have to see what you want to do and I hope for your sake you do what will make you the happiest.

 

I am not saying you should get back with her regardless but remember, true love means accepting flaws of someone and being able to forgive them when they let you down or hurt you and still loving them when things aren't going your way. If you truly love her then I do hope she figures out what she wants and she truly loves you and you two can be together.

 

In no way do I think that you should just be strung along and keep being hurt but at the same time, I do not agree with many on this forum who seem to totally shut down the door to reuniting with someone simply because they got hurt by them. I believe people should be with those who make them the happiest and if an ex makes them the happiest and is an option then go for it as long as they don't put themselves into a position to be continually taken advantage of/abused.

  • Author
Posted

I think you exactly right guaranteeing I will hear from her again. The question is when, and have I already moved on? I was holding on for a while, but when I got her answer of NO. I asked myself what am I holding on to?

 

We are both the same age of 30. She is a mature and responsible woman. She is just not independent yet. She also will not move out of her parents house, and get on her own yet.

 

I think once she is more independent, dates a few people, she will realize grass is not always greener she will try to come back.

 

Will I take her back? I don't know. I can tell you I will not play games with her like she did to me.

Posted

I am not saying you should get back with her regardless but remember, true love means accepting flaws of someone and being able to forgive them when they let you down or hurt you and still loving them when things aren't going your way. If you truly love her then I do hope she figures out what she wants and she truly loves you and you two can be together.

 

In no way do I think that you should just be strung along and keep being hurt but at the same time, I do not agree with many on this forum who seem to totally shut down the door to reuniting with someone simply because they got hurt by them. I believe people should be with those who make them the happiest and if an ex makes them the happiest and is an option then go for it as long as they don't put themselves into a position to be continually taken advantage of/abused.

 

Very well said and thank you for this, Weird. Finally someone who sees it like you should see it, IMO: People should be with those who make them the happiest, even if that is with the ex.

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