DanniBaby Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I met my girlfriend about 2 years ago. From the time we met we both knew we were falling for each other. The only problem was that she already had a girlfriend (yes, gay). They had been dating for 3 years. In a way, over time, I pulled a "home wrecker" and caused them many problems. Eventually, she left her gf for me and moved to the state where I lived (when we met, I was visiting family in her home state). While there with me, she still talked to her ex and admitted to me that she still had feelings for her. In the span of a few months, my "girlfriend" went back and forth between me and her ex. We both gave her ultimatems but se could never jsut decide. I loved her more than anything and I can honestly say it was like in the movies where two people just fall for each other, it was truly amazing, or would have been. She stayed with me in Ohio for a few months, then one day decided she wanted her ex. She left me and broke my heart. We said after she left we would no longer talk, but we did. About 4 days later she told me she knew she made a mistake and begged me to take her back. I was so in love, so I did. WHen she got there, she told me she was ready to give me her whole heart. I told her I didnt know if I could go that far, to just forgive and forget. We spent a lot of time working thru our problems, and here we are today. We rarely talk about the past, but I cannot forget it. It tears me apart inside. I often cry because of how much it hurts. She no longer talks to her ex, but about 5 months ago she did cheat on me with her. I love this woman with everything I have, and I know she wants me to move on so we can grow, but I cant. Im so afriad it will happen again. Even more than that, I cannot forget how I came second so many times and how she was okay with walking all over me. Tomorrow is out "ten month anniversary", even though we technically broke up 5 months ago, then got back together. I dont want to make her pay for the rest of her life, but I cannot let this go. There are bad memories everywhere I go, I can see things in my head that involve my gf and her ex that never even happened. Im aware im going crazy, but I need to find a way to put this behind me! my girlfriend has suffered enough! Please help!!!!
dreamingoftigers Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 You guys are not stable AT ALL! You need to be for a fledgling relationship to work, I saw raise the bar higher and start over with someone new.
Author DanniBaby Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 You guys are not stable AT ALL! You need to be for a fledgling relationship to work, I saw raise the bar higher and start over with someone new. I honestly believe she is the one for me. We are young, but when I look at her, I see my world. She is my everything, and I know now that I am her everything. I have considered leaving many times, but I know that I will just come back. Not because of codependant issues, but I because I know that any second I live without her will just be a waste of time. We may not be entirely stable, but I want to work though this. She doesn't deserve to pay for my insecurities. She has messed up, but she has also apologized millions of times. She has held my while I cried and cried with me. I love this girl more than anything and I want to be with her for as long as I live. I need to find my way through this, with her help. She has always been there to listen and as a shoulder to cry on, and has not abandoned me once when I needed her. It just hard...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 The problem is: You don't know what constitutes an 'ultimatum'.
CarrieT Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I honestly believe she is the one for me. We are young, but when I look at her, I see my world. She is my everything, and I know now that I am her everything. I have considered leaving many times, but I know that I will just come back. These are contradictory statements. If you honestly believe and "know" she is the one for you (and vice/versa), than you would not be considering leaving and you would not be having these issues. You are obviously having doubts and these doubts are making you question your future with this girl, which is reasonable considering the back-and-forth you two have experienced. I would suggest -- HEARTILY suggest -- lots of counseling... Lots and lots of counseling (individual and together).
Author DanniBaby Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 Its not as if I was considering leaving for MY benefit. I guess, in a way it was, but it was mostly for hers. I keep thinking about how my issues cause her unhappiness. She worries about me so much. I have definately thought about counsiling, but I cant pay for it. I talk to my mom about it a lot, but there really isn't any benefit from that, she never has much to say. It is getting to the point where I stress about how much my issues bother her more than I stress about her past. I've been writing, but it always comes out as the same thing =(
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