Mercedes Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 How do you guys handle your money? My dad used to hand over his check to my mom and she would handle everything, or, today, is everything just split down the middle. I work a full time and part time job. I asked my husband to consider working a part time job too. He said no. He is physically able to do this. These two jobs are computer related..so I am sitting down. OK. I find my getting really resentful about money. I pay 80% of the bill. Maybe 70%, but I make more money. HOw do I not feel used.
xxoo Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 In our relationship, all income is family money. It funds family bills, family fun, and family savings. I find my getting really resentful about money. I pay 80% of the bill. Maybe 70%, but I make more money. HOw do I not feel used. We've had times when I made 100% of the money, and times when H made 100% of the money. Regardless of who earns it, it is "family money". What is it you feel resentful about? Do you resent working more hours? Is the pt job a financial necessity, or is it something you work for other reasons? Is there uneven spending? Do you feel that you are working more to afford his luxuries? I'm trying to understand why you feel used.
Author Mercedes Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 I think because he knows that I am the kind of person who makes things happen, he does not worry. For example, we received a disconnect notice for the electricity. I said, Damn. He did not even say a word. I feel like letting the electricity get disconnected. He has his own bills, his own debts,...so he pays his bills first and gives me the rest...whatever that is. ....I've tried to make the money come together...but it does not work. For example, lets put our checks together. I think he wants to see what happends consistently, so he does not have to contribute. Sooo....I work extra hard to make up for what we don't have. Never, ever, ever, has he taken any responsibility for any financial crisis/crisis that we have. I am always the one. Now I am tired of being the man/woman. Its no so much the money. Its the attitude about the money. If he said how much is it, maybe we can do this, or maybe we can do that, than maybe I wouldn't be sooo upset. I've taken on the role of Superwoman (first born) I am tired. I feel pimped and maybe its my fault.
xxoo Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 Its no so much the money. Its the attitude about the money. If he said how much is it, maybe we can do this, or maybe we can do that, than maybe I wouldn't be sooo upset.. Ah, I see. You are right, it isn't about the money. It is about financial responsibility, and you being the only grown up in the house. Is the electric bill "his" to pay? If so, let him pay it or not pay it. As long as you jump in to fix stuff, he won't step up. When the shut off notice comes, put it somewhere obvious with a calm head's-up "Got a notice from the E company today...I put it on your computer keyboard" and let him handle it. Or, go ALL IN with the money, and have one person (you) handle ALL the bills. Thats is how we do it.
Author Mercedes Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 I did that one month. I placed it on the refrigerator and then the kitchen table. He completely ignored it. I took care it. (So sad) So...its up to me. Really, I feel like shutting off the cable, the phone, and keep us with the bare necessities. If things don't get better, we may have to downsize because I am tired of working this hard. Then, he wants to have sex. Please. I have sex with men not boys. I say this to you but I don't say this to me. But in my hurt, this is how I feel. I am pissed.
troggleputty Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 How do you guys handle your money? My dad used to hand over his check to my mom and she would handle everything, or, today, is everything just split down the middle. I work a full time and part time job. I asked my husband to consider working a part time job too. He said no. He is physically able to do this. These two jobs are computer related..so I am sitting down. OK. I find my getting really resentful about money. I pay 80% of the bill. Maybe 70%, but I make more money. HOw do I not feel used. Wow that's tough. Just keep your fingers crossed that he doesn't get himself pregnant and quit working entirely.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 The post is all about money..... Tell him to write you a cheque for $X each month to cover those bills..... Saw no mention of kids (though you seem to have a big one).... I'd leave if there are no kids and he is an irresponsible fool....
carhill Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 Receiving a disconnect notice for something as essential and inexpensive as electricity is simply unacceptable. Instead of 'sharing' responsibility for essential household expenses, assign that responsibility. H can pay the power bill. If there's a spike (like a hot spell, meaning big a/c costs), he can do a balanced payment plan to keep it affordable. If he forgets, or overspends, the power gets shut off and he can live in the dark. At that point, I'd be gone. I've been through a lot with our divorce and the events leading up to it, but can't imagine being faced with shutting off the power. Wait, right, that was my bill to pay (when stbx and I were married). IMO, get the person who cares the least (that's H) into MC or he can care less as a single man. Tomorrow is Monday. Get started
preyedon Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 Mercedes.......please see my post today "am I controlling with money" I like to hear from you and all.
Enema Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 We both work full time. I earn a little bit more, but we're doing pretty well. We have separate bank accounts, and both pay x$ a month on the mortgage. Then, I pay all the bills, she buys all the groceries. I end up paying for most entertainment when we go out together.
confusedinkansas Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I'm not sure where the sex part comes into Money and sex (as the title states) As far as the money thing goes. I've been married almost 30 years. Every single time that I have become fed up with being responsible for all the bills. (Paying them on time - not earning the money to pay them) & turned over the job to my husband........he has become so lazy that we could count on the electricity, cable, gas, phone, etc to be turned off at least every other month. HE IS LAZY! Doesn't care if the bills are paid or not. (Side note - thanks to his bill paying expertise I am now chalking up a foreclosure to our already wonderful credit score) Both of us work & earn about the same amount per year. Anyway..........You don't mention whether all of your money goes into the same account. That right there to me is the NUMBER ONE thing all married couples should do. Majority of earnings - into one account - where the bills are paid from. If he refuses - then absolutely he should be responsible for half the bills. Hand over the electricity bill when it arrives.....& so on. Make him pay them. If you want a separate FUN Money account........create one for yourself. He doesn't have to know about it. It's for you.......As Oprah said, every woman should have a "Fall Back" account.
jloranestes Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I did that one month. I placed it on the refrigerator and then the kitchen table. He completely ignored it. I took care it. (So sad) So...its up to me. Really, I feel like shutting off the cable, the phone, and keep us with the bare necessities. If things don't get better, we may have to downsize because I am tired of working this hard. Then, he wants to have sex. Please. I have sex with men not boys. I say this to you but I don't say this to me. But in my hurt, this is how I feel. I am pissed. From what you say, it seems you two have never sat down and talked about how you each want to handle the money. This would be my first suggestion. Tell him that the way he handles (or doens't handle) the bills makes you very concerned and nervous because it makes you feel that the responsibility is on you. Ask him if this is how he wants things. Each couple has to work it out among themselves (emphasis on work it out). This can lead to some ugly truths and resentment, but talking about it and your feelings is what marriage is about. If he doesn't care about your feelings at all- well, maybe you don't want to be with someone who doesn't care. If he insists on keeping things seperate, divy it up so that on the joint bills you pay your percent and he pays his- but that means that you each have your own money. Save up your own and take yourself on vacation, or buy yourself a new car. If he says anything, tell him it's your reward for budgeting and working so hard. As for sex- tell him that if he wants sex, he'll have to understand your feelings in this. If you are a couple be a couple. If he won't even talk about it and things keep going the way they are (ie: him ignoring your feelings) and he approaches you for sex again- tell him to invest in a blow up doll.
Enema Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 As for sex- tell him that if he wants sex, he'll have to understand your feelings in this. If you are a couple be a couple. If he won't even talk about it and things keep going the way they are (ie: him ignoring your feelings) and he approaches you for sex again- tell him to invest in a blow up doll. I agree, you should definitely use sex as a weapon in your marriage. Good plan.
threebyfate Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I agree with allocating bills to each party. Also, make sure the bills are in the name of the person who's responsible for it, so if there are any credit hits, it happens to the person who's responsible. As for forcing him to take a part-time job, that's just controlling behaviour. Just allocate responsibilities and let what will happen, happen.
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