raisondetre Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 Not sure if you remember, but I posted a thread awhile ago about liking a boy while I was still with my boyfriend. Anyway, my boyfriend and I broke up as he cheated on me (dick!) so I was free to spend time with this other guy, we will call him Tom! Anyway, we get along so well! He lives in an apartment next door from our complex. I always see him, and he is always really friendly. My university is quite an er... 'alcohol friendly' one, so we always drink with them - when we do, he is always very 'touchy feely' with me, and flirty.. which I reciprocate. We have kissed a few times, but these have always been drunkenly, which kind of sucks. Whenever I see him in town, we talk and it ends up with us kissing. One night we went home together, nothing happened except kissing and he seemed to get a bit weird and suddenly had to leave. It was a bit awkward for awhile because my roomates and his would always tease us etc, but we got over that. Anyway, in the weekend, we were talking on Facebook chat at about 4am (classy!), we were both sober (I was finishing an assignment) and he asked me to come over. I did, and we talked for about two hours about everything and one thing led to another, and we got a bit er... heated in the moment. We didnt sleep together, or even have oral or anything like that, as I said I didnt want to make things awkward and he was like "Yeah, I get what you mean.." because for some reason infront of both of our roomates, we are always awkward with each other, but fine when it's just us two. So we just cuddled, and I left him at 7am. So.. yeah, I am really falling for this guy, but I'm worried. I'm not entirely sure if he simply wants to have sex kind of thing, or actually does like me. It just always seems to be so awkward, I think because I like him so much and potentially seem a little snobby because I am kind of shy..... also knowing that my roomies know how much I like him and whenever they see him coming they make dumb comments (friends are great, huh haha). I'm just confused. I want to hang out with him other that at night time or in a club or something because I really think hes amazing! Any advice? I'm just confused.. for example, after that night, I've seen him a few times but whenever hes with all of his friends he just kind of says a "Hey, how are you" and leaves it at that.. I'm just a bit confused haha? Sorry this was SO LONG! But I am confused. Dating is so confusing!
sagetalk Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 Weeding out guys that just want sex is a piece of cake. If you want to weed out guys that just want sex, then don't have sex with them. You'll have your answer pretty quick.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I want to hang out with him other that at night time or in a club or something because I really think hes amazing! If he really liked you, and I mean genuinely liked you - as in wants to date you, he would want the same. If he makes no effort to see you except during times when sex is likely to happen, and he is drunk most of those times it is a pretty safe bet that his priorities lie closer to having sex with you than actually dating you.
blind_otter Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I have to agree with LB. IME if man wants to be with you, he will, and you can sense it. It is something that is far beyond mere chemistry - which is all well and good and exciting, but not necessarily something you can build a partnership on. Don't get me wrong, chemistry is essential and very necessary, but you need something beyond just physical attraction and sparks. It is unfortunate that sometimes we feel intense chemistry with people who are unsuitable for a relationship, but we often do. In any event, IME, rarely when you are all twisted up about something does it have a positive result. I've never had success in interactions where there was embarrassment about the connection I felt with someone when we were in front of others...those were almost all exclusively FWB relationships.
ADF Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 There is really no way to know what his intentions are without asking him directly. But you're right to be concerned. For many people in their 20s, especially those in college, hook-ups have pretty much replaced dating as the main form of male-female interaction. While most men like this, many women do not. You need to ask him what he wants and decide if you and he are on the same page.
sagetalk Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 For many people in their 20s, especially those in college, hook-ups have pretty much replaced dating as the main form of male-female interaction. While most men like this, many women do not. I use to believe this long ago, but I no longer do. Women have the power stop it from happening, but they rarely ever do. I now believe that women like it just as much as the guys do. I can't tell you how sad it makes me to say that.
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 For many people in their 20s, especially those in college, hook-ups have pretty much replaced dating as the main form of male-female interaction. While most men like this, many women do not. I use to believe this long ago, but I no longer do. Women have the power stop it from happening, but they rarely ever do. I now believe that women like it just as much as the guys do. I can't tell you how sad it makes me to say that. Ditto on the "sad" But I also think there are women who don't realize that they are just "hooking up" - until after the fact.
blind_otter Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I use to believe this long ago, but I no longer do. Women have the power stop it from happening, but they rarely ever do. I now believe that women like it just as much as the guys do. I can't tell you how sad it makes me to say that. I disagree. I didn't realize that I had the power to stop these kinds of interactions until I was well past college age. Granted, I am probably more emotionally dense than most...but the fact remains that I have heard similar stories from other female friends over and over again. Then you have this "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" sort of victim mentality, where you feel like you can't control the situation so you just make yourself find some enjoyment out of it. But I don't know that I've met that many women who truly enjoy NSA sex. It's just that when you are younger, you are less discerning, and more needy, so you allow things to happen that you might not, as you mature.
threebyfate Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 But I don't know that I've met that many women who truly enjoy NSA sex. It's just that when you are younger, you are less discerning, and more needy, so you allow things to happen that you might not, as you mature.IMO, it's more from fear of loss and also, external validation, that some girls have NSA sex. This makes no sense if you consider the psychology of how external validation causes erosion of self-esteem. Vicious circle unless the circle is broken. OP, if a guy's serious about you, he'll be happy to tell the rest of world that you're with him. If he hides it, there are usually reasons why, reasons that won't make you happy.
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