sabre Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I've been dating a girl for about 4 months. Although she says she doesn't want a relationship and we aren't bf/gf, we go through all the motions. She frequently spends the night, complains about missing me, worries about losing me (she's positive she'll run me off). Before dating I knew of a long term international thing she'd had for about 4 years. She refuses to talk about it. She has repeatedly told me not to get attached, and that if i find someone i'm interested in, then i should go for it. She defines us as a "mutually interested monogamous non-relationship". So one night while watching a movie, she starts 'im'ing on her phone, right there in my lap, not trying to hide anything. Many sweet endearments and kisses are exchanged and i decided it was time to leave. She freaked and told me it was a girlfriend and i have nothing to worry about. Well, against my better judgment and normally high standards, i snooped on her phone. It was actually that other guy, and she still has fairly recent messages saved involving i love you's and some steamy banter. She repeatedly tells me she can't get involved while fighting when i try to pull away. She acts like there is something serious here while loving and chatting with this guy who was supposed to come save her from her life years ago. They have yet to meet. Should i feel threatened by this long distance thing, or should i just keep on letting the feelings grow and see where this leads?
2sunny Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 her heart's not in your friendship/relationship... she's using you to take up her time since the other guy isn't near. i wouldn't be willing to be second choice... besides - she's willing to lie to your face - that's a deal breaker.
calizaggy Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 She is using you.. She seems unstable as well..
Pink Cupcakes Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 Have you seen the movie 500 Days of Summer? Well right after Summer starts seeing the guy in the movie, she tells him "I'm not looking for a relationship or anything serious." The guy still falls for her and months later feels they are a couple but she still feels the same way. They are in a "nonrelationship." So it hits him by surprise when she suddenly dumps him, then later learns she had become serious with some other guy in the meantime. She had an "out" because she had told him from the start that she wasn't interested in anything serious with him. Don't mean to compare you to a movie, but when the object of your affection tells you you are in a "nonrelationship" and she is not interested in anything "serious" - best to believe that she is not interested in YOU and there is no future in it but heartach for ya.
Author sabre Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 best to believe that she is not interested in YOU and there is no future in it but heartach for ya. I understand, and I'm bad about falling hard fast. I told her a few weeks ago we needed a break, I was getting too involved. I thought it would be great, but she totally disagreed. She was afraid that if given an inch, I'd find another and be gone. I know you're right, but it's hard to describe how this feels, and most days I feel she is truly in it with me. I've brought up her leaving and lying and such, but she repeatedly tells me there is nothing to worry about. Then there are the times I can tell she is very distracted and doesn't care as much as she says. Actions and words just don't jibe here. I told her a couple days ago, "I know we won't last very long. I only hope that I've shown you how you should be treated and that you are truly worth the genuine attention and affection of a respecting gentleman. Take this with you into your future relationships and remember how nice you say I treat you. If the guy can't treat you right, then he is not for you and I refuse to hear you complain about it." Did i mention she has a history of dating very mean, using, and abusive guys? This long distance thing is no exception.
OndaChin Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 She is using you.. She seems unstable as well.. Take this as your WARNING! I've been here too and it's ONLY going to grow darker and more hurtful. Especially when that woman is MENTAL. My ex pulled some really wacky crap that was down right scary. She said she didnt want a boyfriend/relationship (she just got out of a previous relationship). So, we were just friends with some "extra-activities". I was expected to accept her wanting to date (and sleep) with other men- yet, If I mentioned I was going to sleep or see another woman she would get down right NASTY and pissed off. I kicked her in her ARSE and told her I liked "boinking" another (more younger) woman and then STOPPED calling her. Then she wanted me back??? Needless to say... it's all a game (with your feelings on the line). It's difficult- but you MUST get out of this before it really gets wacky (and it will). She has lied in your face and thinks you don't have the nutz to let her go! Prove your RESOLVE and move on. Once she finds someone she REALLY wants- you'll be history... and probably listening to some sad "Journey" album in the near future (very hurt/ depressed). I don't want to see you go throught that crap! I know its tough, but you have to find the strenght to cut this one loose. Good luck!
Author sabre Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 Take this as your WARNING! I've been here too and it's ONLY going to grow darker and more hurtful. Especially when that woman is MENTAL. My ex pulled some really wacky crap that was down right scary. She said she didnt want a boyfriend/relationship (she just got out of a previous relationship). So, we were just friends with some "extra-activities". I was expected to accept her wanting to date (and sleep) with other men- yet, If I mentioned I was going to sleep or see another woman she would get down right NASTY and pissed off. I kicked her in her ARSE and told her I liked "boinking" another (more younger) woman and then STOPPED calling her. Then she wanted me back??? Needless to say... it's all a game (with your feelings on the line). It's difficult- but you MUST get out of this before it really gets wacky (and it will). She has lied in your face and thinks you don't have the nutz to let her go! Prove your RESOLVE and move on. Once she finds someone she REALLY wants- you'll be history... and probably listening to some sad "Journey" album in the near future (very hurt/ depressed). I don't want to see you go throught that crap! I know its tough, but you have to find the strenght to cut this one loose. Good luck! You are all right, but why do I find it so hard? I know the guys just stringing her along and get the feeling he's really not interested in even helping with the very pricey plane tickets she'll be needing if they're ever to meet. He's made no effort to come see her. Another question, especially where we're keeping this locally monogamous. Do you think he knows about me? And if they are an "item", isn't she also cheating on him? I don't understand how he can deal with that. I've been in his place (only 8 hour drive to see her), but as soon as I found out that girl had something on the side I quickly cut that off. Is he just using her for something as well? Gotta end it soon, but how? She must know i've got serious suspicions. I don't want her to alienate our mutual friend where I've gotten much of my info from. Her and some public access things online. I've thought about hacking her email, but i think that's beyond what i'd be comfortable with. Oh the drama...
OndaChin Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 Moving on... Nobody said it would be easy! Like everything in life- "Practice Makes Perfect", and in time you'll see that. I know the pain. I've been there!! Trust me. Walking away from a "piece of a$$" is so hard for a man to do. haha. Yet- there are times where you have to ask the question: "Is this ass worth the headache?" My answer is: No A$$ is worth your misery!! A simple solution for me to present to you is simply this: "Meet other women". Once you realize that there ARE other women and theyll treat you as you expect to be treated, ONLY then will you STOP letting these (bad ones) bitch-slap you about like a bastard step-child. Like I said- I've been there and been slapped' about myself but after letting go, you will find it was the best thing you couldve done. Now.. GET TO IT!!! Stop contact with her... and don't respond. If sh*t gets tough just remember how youre being treated. That usually helps.
Author sabre Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 LOL!! Piece of a$$... She's pretty much cut me off so she isn't even that. She'll tease and play, but when i respond, she's just not in the mood. In fact she's never in the mood. She's never been wild about the sex, but there's a difference in a little an none!! Now to gather things and get keys returned... This is gonna be a barrel of laughs!
OndaChin Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 LOL!! Piece of a$$... She's pretty much cut me off so she isn't even that. She'll tease and play, but when i respond, she's just not in the mood. In fact she's never in the mood. She's never been wild about the sex, but there's a difference in a little an none!! Now to gather things and get keys returned... This is gonna be a barrel of laughs! Yep! Thats what I've seen too! They cut the supply because they're "cock n' it" with some other dude- band member, or outlaw biker (or plan to be). I know it hurts! I've been there. Whats funny is: once her supply gets cut or she suffers a dumping at someone elses discretion, you'll likely get a call back for another "Audition" or should I say- "Test Drive". Don't feel bad though! This isnt targeted at you- she's just one of those women you learn to either (bang like a hoe without emotion) or just pass-up. Truthfully, it's not worth the headache and I prefer heading down to Tijuana Mexico for a nice Colombian hoe thats a perfect 10. I guess I'd rather pay for the sex NOW (without games) then wait and get slapped about oftentimes paying far more with dinners and gifts (dating) but not getting my monies worth. Like Charlie Sheen once said (In a court deposition regarding prostitution)- "I didnt pay to have sex. I paid for her to go AWAY!" As for you dropping the stuff off! Promise me you'll be DEVOID of any feelings. You should be very cold and callous- i.e., "heres your stuff, have a nice day", etc. Good luck!
Author sabre Posted April 6, 2010 Author Posted April 6, 2010 After a few days of consideration and composing how I would go about this, her phone kept me up all night. Apparently she was too tired to realize she was at my place, in my bed, and I could easily see everything that was going on. She fell asleep so quickly after responding that I had plenty of time to read. She didn't even try to hide the phone, even leaving her im thing open. I was irritated enough that she decided to drag it out of me. Personally, I wanted to cool off. I have temper issues and wanted to tell her how I saw things without any physical damage to her or myself. (I put my fist into a wall a few years ago instead of hitting a girl that i still feel deserved it. I snapped a metacarpal and tore up many knuckles.) She wanted to hear it, so I laid it all out. I got chewed out for messing with her phone, falling in love, etc. She told me again she dates no one. I laughed. Later that night we had some incredible sex, I helped her with homework, and I think she honestly believed it was over with. Next day I showed her my match and singlesnet profiles, informed her that I was actively looking, and asked for help w/ updating profile pics. She was obviously uneasy with this. I said i needed to find someone who would return my love and be honest. Her and I are what we are for the time being. I've told her again since that day about my looking. Our relationship has never been better. I really should have listened to her, but now that i not only see things the way she wants them, but also act accordingly, its really nice. Either she totally doesn't mind me finding another or she doubts my intentions. I think its hard for dishonest people to really believe and trust others. I'm currently floating along and enjoying the good days. She's been acting like she's working to keep me around, but I've found a few date worthy prospects and honestly can't wait to tell her to stay home one night.
USMCHokie Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 I've been dating a girl for about 4 months. Although she says she doesn't want a relationship and we aren't bf/gf, we go through all the motions. She frequently spends the night, complains about missing me, worries about losing me (she's positive she'll run me off). If I heard this from her, especially after four months, I'd be gone...insta-LAUNCH...definitely not going to waste my time with someone who either doesn't know what they want or is still holding out for greener grass... You should have known what you were getting yourself into by sticking around...so I don't know why you're all butt-hurt over this...
Author sabre Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 You should have known what you were getting yourself into by sticking around...so I don't know why you're all butt-hurt over this... I did. I'm stupid that way. I was cautious and gauged her actions. She stopped saying this, and acted for a few months like she was very interested and attached. And then when I told her I was getting attached the bs started again. Things are great now. No commitment. It's fine with me until I find someone else.
Author sabre Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 Is singlesnet any good? Can't really say. It looks good, but since I haven't purchased a subscription, I'm not sure about how it really is.
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