Kris30 Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I've posted a couple times about this guy I've been on a few dates with. Well, we were at a party together tonight, hung out some, & when I left he walked me to my car & we had a little kiss (not great but I guess a start). He is a super sweet guy. Very attentive asking if I need something to drink, how I'm doing, etc. Sent me flowers after our first date. Just real sweet. He is definitely interested in me. (I think he's just been unsure of my interest & it's funny b/c after we kissed tonite he said he will call me tomorrow lol.) The thing is while I'm really trying to give it a chance I'm not sure if I'm interested/attracted to him. Should I keep going trying it? Just recently started dating again...
tami-chan Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I've posted a couple times about this guy I've been on a few dates with. Well, we were at a party together tonight, hung out some, & when I left he walked me to my car & we had a little kiss (not great but I guess a start). He is a super sweet guy. Very attentive asking if I need something to drink, how I'm doing, etc. Sent me flowers after our first date. Just real sweet. He is definitely interested in me. (I think he's just been unsure of my interest & it's funny b/c after we kissed tonite he said he will call me tomorrow lol.) The thing is while I'm really trying to give it a chance I'm not sure if I'm interested/attracted to him. Should I keep going trying it? Just recently started dating again... No. Bail. Don't think you are doing him a favor by stringing him along with this "wishy-washy-ness".
sagetalk Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 You may not realize it, but the scenario you described is as common as dirt. It's not that you're not attracted to him, it's more like you're not attracted to his niceness/behavior. He's treating you like you are on a pedestal. If he was treating you like you were just another girl that is lucky if she gets to sleep with him, I'm pretty sure your attitude would change to attraction. I'm guessing you are young, so I'm going easy on you. But I will caution you to not choose men based on how lowly they think of you (jerks, you're lucky to be with me guys) or how nice they treat you (nice guys, put you on a pedestal). Choose a man because he is everything you ever wanted, and you know he has the ability to give you commitment and honesty.
Author Kris30 Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 You may not realize it, but the scenario you described is as common as dirt. It's not that you're not attracted to him, it's more like you're not attracted to his niceness/behavior. He's treating you like you are on a pedestal. If he was treating you like you were just another girl that is lucky if she gets to sleep with him, I'm pretty sure your attitude would change to attraction. I'm guessing you are young, so I'm going easy on you. But I will caution you to not choose men based on how lowly they think of you (jerks, you're lucky to be with me guys) or how nice they treat you (nice guys, put you on a pedestal). Choose a man because he is everything you ever wanted, and you know he has the ability to give you commitment and honesty. Hmmmmm... I don't think so. In fact the nice, sweet things he does and says are what attracts me to him and makes me want to give it a chance. Jerks turn me off. In fact last night I met a guy who totally gave me a bad first impression and in my mind he's labeles as "jerk." What I'm having trouble with mostly is specifically this: On our first date he dressed nice and was attractive. On each date since he has been in jeans and t-shirt and does't seem to be trying to dress up. I spend time before dates getting my hot on and have tried to look nice on all our dates. I am 28yo btw.
northstar1 Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I've posted a couple times about this guy I've been on a few dates with. Well, we were at a party together tonight, hung out some, & when I left he walked me to my car & we had a little kiss (not great but I guess a start). He is a super sweet guy. Very attentive asking if I need something to drink, how I'm doing, etc. Sent me flowers after our first date. Just real sweet. He is definitely interested in me. (I think he's just been unsure of my interest & it's funny b/c after we kissed tonite he said he will call me tomorrow lol.) The thing is while I'm really trying to give it a chance I'm not sure if I'm interested/attracted to him. Should I keep going trying it? Just recently started dating again... Well, if you've had a few dates, but still aren't sure - it's a tough call. Are you attracted to him at all? Are you coming out of a long relationship, why are you just starting dating? Might give a clue if you are ready or not.
Author Kris30 Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 I haven't dated for a while... Just haven't. Been preoccupied staying busy with other stuff. Yes I do have some attraction to him. He is a nice-looking guy. I don't want to sound shallow, but I just wish he would dress a little nicer for our dates. Also, I think b/c I haven't dated in so long it contributes to some awkwardness. I'm not practiced. It's still early & I really wanna give it a try. First kiss was a little awkward... Plus it was just a little peck & I was hoping for more. He seems to want to go slow & I only assume it's b/c he assumes I do... And I DO want to go slow...but I'm ready for a little more. What can I do to help make the next kiss a little more romantic and how do I know if he'll be receptive to that. He's older (40) btw.
northstar1 Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I haven't dated for a while... Just haven't. Been preoccupied staying busy with other stuff. Yes I do have some attraction to him. He is a nice-looking guy. I don't want to sound shallow, but I just wish he would dress a little nicer for our dates. Also, I think b/c I haven't dated in so long it contributes to some awkwardness. I'm not practiced. It's still early & I really wanna give it a try. First kiss was a little awkward... Plus it was just a little peck & I was hoping for more. He seems to want to go slow & I only assume it's b/c he assumes I do... And I DO want to go slow...but I'm ready for a little more. What can I do to help make the next kiss a little more romantic and how do I know if he'll be receptive to that. He's older (40) btw. I would flirt with him a bit more. Show him you are attracted to him. Little things, Touch his arm, give him long looks. He might still be trying to gauge if you are into him before making a move. Have you dated older before (ie 10 years or more?)
Author Kris30 Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 Yes this is the first time I've dated anyone more than a few years older than myself. See, I do think the fact that I'm not good at flirting may have something to do with my trouble. I am shy...
norajane Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 You're worried about his clothes? Look, most guys don't like dressing up, unless their the "metrosexual" types who dress up for themselves all the time because they like to, and not specifically for you. Women since time began have been trying to get guys to upgrade their wardrobes and look nice. That is not a sign of character, integrity, kindness, intelligence or anything else, and is a poor measure of anything. As for the kiss, he's afraid to scare you off. Next time he gives you a peck, put your arms around his neck and pull him in for a real kiss, the kind you want. YOU kiss him the way you want. He'll take it from there. And here's the thing: YOU are awkward, yet you're putting it all on HIM. YOU being awkward means he only has your awkward signals to read. And he's reading your signals as "step back, take it slow, no sudden moves, I'm not sure I want you to do anything, I'm not sure I like you". So yeah, he's not going to be bold with you.
You'reasian Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 You're worried about his clothes? Look, most guys don't like dressing up, unless their the "metrosexual" types who dress up for themselves all the time because they like to, and not specifically for you. Women since time began have been trying to get guys to upgrade their wardrobes and look nice. That is not a sign of character, integrity, kindness, intelligence or anything else, and is a poor measure of anything. As for the kiss, he's afraid to scare you off. Next time he gives you a peck, put your arms around his neck and pull him in for a real kiss, the kind you want. YOU kiss him the way you want. He'll take it from there. And here's the thing: YOU are awkward, yet you're putting it all on HIM. YOU being awkward means he only has your awkward signals to read. And he's reading your signals as "step back, take it slow, no sudden moves, I'm not sure I want you to do anything, I'm not sure I like you". So yeah, he's not going to be bold with you. You read my mind. Excellent advice, Norajane!
Author Kris30 Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 You're worried about his clothes? Look, most guys don't like dressing up, unless their the "metrosexual" types who dress up for themselves all the time because they like to, and not specifically for you. Women since time began have been trying to get guys to upgrade their wardrobes and look nice. That is not a sign of character, integrity, kindness, intelligence or anything else, and is a poor measure of anything. As for the kiss, he's afraid to scare you off. Next time he gives you a peck, put your arms around his neck and pull him in for a real kiss, the kind you want. YOU kiss him the way you want. He'll take it from there. And here's the thing: YOU are awkward, yet you're putting it all on HIM. YOU being awkward means he only has your awkward signals to read. And he's reading your signals as "step back, take it slow, no sudden moves, I'm not sure I want you to do anything, I'm not sure I like you". So yeah, he's not going to be bold with you. Soooo.. If I kiss him like that...what if he doesn't want to? I mean, what if I scare him off? Will try not to be so shy and awkward & will try to flirt more!
Fouts Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 It's impossible to create chemistry, Kris. Even nice looking people who give it a go, don't have a spark sometimes. Just see if something ignites, if it doesn't, move on and don't worry so much about it, it happens.
You'reasian Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 (edited) Soooo.. If I kiss him like that...what if he doesn't want to? I mean, what if I scare him off? Will try not to be so shy and awkward & will try to flirt more! You should ask him to give you a massage, go change into something more comfortable then come out in nothing but a towel...most us guys would respond positively, provided he's somewhat attracted to you. Edited March 28, 2010 by You'reasian
Author Kris30 Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 You should ask him to give you a massage' date=' go change into something more comfortable then come out in nothing but a towel...most us guys would respond positively, provided he's somewhat attracted to you.[/quote'] I'm not ready for THAT or what it would likely lead to!
You'reasian Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I'm not ready for THAT or what it would likely lead to! I'm just sayin...lol
sagetalk Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Hmmmmm... I don't think so. I do think so. You're not attracted because his behavior isn't turning you on. He's being wimpy and non aggressive. If you understand that one simple fact, your dating will be much easier in the future. From your posts it is obvious to me that it is his non aggressive behavior that's causing a lack of attraction. If you like him, besides his non aggression, then make a small move and give him a wide open opportunity to make a bigger one. Some guys just aren't aggressive and you have to help it out of them. It's not good or bad it's just who they are. If you don't like it, find a more aggressive male, there is an endless ocean of them.
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