spiderowl Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 (edited) I really need some input here as I'm too close to this. Thanks in advance for your patience. Sorry this is a bit long, but it needs some explanation. Met nice man, really liked his personality, lots in common, chatted lots also on phone and text, bit more than I expected. We had a very unusual connection and could talk about almost anything. He was very interested and pursued and liked to communicate. Managed to get me talking about things I haven't shared with others as I'm wary due to past experiences. Met several times and it was going well though I felt some physical incompatibility which I thought was due to us being new with each other and could resolve with time. He didn't seem to be listening to me at times about things I liked/didn't like in that way, which was a bit frustrating. Shortly after parting last time, we had a conversation and he assumed we would be meeting soon and was going to arrange it, didn't ask, assumed. I suddenly felt unsure of when I wanted to meet again. I felt it was too intense though he thought we weren't seeing enough of each other. He did things like removing his profile and told me that he felt this was a special connection. I felt I was supposed to reciprocate but didn't feel we were at that stage somehow and wasn't at the point of committing to this relationship. I hadn't fallen in love or anything, was just enjoying spending time in his company and learning more about him. I wasn't looking for anyone else, just feeling a bit cornered. So I said we should step back a bit and see where we were going with this. I explained it was too soon for commitment on my part. For me, it was a chance to review this as I got the feeling he seemed to be assuming I felt exactly the same as him though I hadn't said so. He was also very much in my life, talking daily and sharing things and expecting to become more part of it. I wasn't sure about this, I'm used to being free and didn't want to throw caution to the wind and commit myself to someone I'd only met a few times and only known at all for just under two months. He's taken this very badly, basically says I've thrown a spanner in the works and it was all going so well. I received a message which is essentially saying goodbye and be happy. I didn't know what could have developed and would have liked a more relaxed chance to find out without pressure. I thought he'd understand and back off and bit and we could talk and see how we both felt, but he's taken this terribly seriously and implied I've jeopardised everything as if I'm throwing away our one chance to be happy. I feel he's being overly dramatic, but it seems I have jeopardised everything if the goodbye message is anything to go by. What just happened? I'm confused, sad, and at the same time, relieved that what I felt as subtle pressure is lifted. I don't think he intended to pressure me at all but was just assuming a lot and when people assume it does put you under pressure as you have to stop them and say no I'm not thinking like that. Is this my fault? Should I be apologising or am I better leaving this and just moving on? It's not easy to move on because we did have a very good connection and I know it would be difficult to find that again. On the other hand, I'd like to feel I'm choosing further involvement rather than being steered into it by assumptions. I have sent a message trying to reassure him it's not that I don't care but just wasn't going at the same pace. I've had a polite but distant response. Edited March 28, 2010 by spiderowl
DustySaltus Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 Sounds like he was going at 75 miles an hour while you were going 35. You seem to have a mentality of not wanting to be tied down and he's a guy who's ready to commit. Unless there's some give and take on both sides this "relationship" isn't going to go anywhere. He seems a little sensitive by sending a "goodbye" email. I think he's always going to be a few steps ahead of you. Unless your willing to give things a real shot, I would just let him go. No one did anything wrong, you're just not on the same page right now. Either you have to get on his or her has to get on yours. Whether or not you want to do that is up to you.
Author spiderowl Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 Thanks, I guess that's it mostly, he wants to move fast and commit. I'm not averse to being 'tied down' by the right man; I'm just not sure and it seems too early to be making grand gestures. I wasn't looking for anyone else and mentioned this on my profile. I'd really like to hear more on this if anyone has any insights to add.
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