Katherineos123 Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 WHY is it always the way?... I guess this is more of a rant than anything... Soooo.... I broke up with my ex about 8 months ago. I have dated one guy briefly between then and now, never slept with him, it didnt work out... Whatever. I went on a 2 week cross country vacation to the west coast at the beginning of the month with a girlfriend of mine. Ive always been enamored with California, have many friends scattered about there, and am in dire need of a change, so I went there in part for vacation, in part to see old friends, but also to consider relocation next fall. I had such an amazing trip, fell in love with the west coast, and the trip pretty much solidified my need for something new and unfamiliar, as scary as that could be... I met this guy in San Fran and he was amazing! We hung out the whole time I was there, totally clicked, I felt as if I knew him for years, lots of laughs... INCREDIBLE chemistry... Ended up sleeping together. I really have never done anything like that before, but I thought "meh! Im on vacation, what the hell" (plus, homegirl hadnt seen any action in a LONG time ) I didnt expect to hear from him again, but he's been texting me everyday saying his misses me, and that he really hopes I do decide to move there... He's never been to the east coast before, and he said he wants to check out NYC this spring, and that we could/should meet up, that he might even come stay with me in Boston... Its just frustrating that the ONLY guy I have been remotely interested both intellectually, and physically, happens to live 3,000 miles away from me! Hmmph. Now I cant stop thinking about him, and I have a total crush on a guy who is unavailable to me... Why is it always the way?
Tony T Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 It's human nature to want what you can't have. This guy wouldn't be nearly as attractive to you if he was right in your same town. There's a reason people subconsciously fall for GUD's (Geographically Undesirables). Usually people who do such have a fear of close, long term relationships. That may be you or it may not. You may just have had a stroke of bad luck this time. There are a LOT of fish in the sea. Don't let this guy spoil your search. You don't really know him all that well and there are chances he has intermittent bad breath, he's deeply in debt, he's got herpes or maybe he likes to fart aloud at parties. Cherish the memories of him you've created in your mind and go out and look for somebody right there where you are.
ADF Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 Maybe the fact of his living so far is part of what makes him attractive. LDR are often filled with yearning and longing and all that, which can make them emotionally very intense. By contrast, negotiating a relationship with someone you know you have to see all the time is hard work.
Author Katherineos123 Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 Yeah, each and every one of you are right... except for the herpes part. Lets hope THAT shiz aint true. But its just frustrating. I really clicked with this guy, and Im sure that part of my attraction IS due to the fact that I cant have him... But I still really wish I had the opportunity to figure that out one way or the other... I guess my dilemma now is whether or not to attempt to get to know him better regardless of the distance... I am 90% sure that Im going to be moving there this fall... and that decision was reached before I met him. A guy that I barely know, no matter how intense our brief connection was, or how much of a babe he is would never influence me one way or the other regarding such a deicision... BUT! On the other hand, it would be nice to maintain a realtionship with someone there, so that at the very least, Ill have friends when I do decide to move. Should I keep contact with him even though I dig him and cant have him?? Could be Russian Roulette... What would you all do?
skydiveaddict Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 forget the distance. If you like him and he likes you than who cares. distance means nothing. that's why they make airplanes.
SilkRose Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 WHY is it always the way?... I guess this is more of a rant than anything... Soooo.... I broke up with my ex about 8 months ago. I have dated one guy briefly between then and now, never slept with him, it didnt work out... Whatever. I went on a 2 week cross country vacation to the west coast at the beginning of the month with a girlfriend of mine. Ive always been enamored with California, have many friends scattered about there, and am in dire need of a change, so I went there in part for vacation, in part to see old friends, but also to consider relocation next fall. I had such an amazing trip, fell in love with the west coast, and the trip pretty much solidified my need for something new and unfamiliar, as scary as that could be... I met this guy in San Fran and he was amazing! We hung out the whole time I was there, totally clicked, I felt as if I knew him for years, lots of laughs... INCREDIBLE chemistry... Ended up sleeping together. I really have never done anything like that before, but I thought "meh! Im on vacation, what the hell" (plus, homegirl hadnt seen any action in a LONG time ) I didnt expect to hear from him again, but he's been texting me everyday saying his misses me, and that he really hopes I do decide to move there... He's never been to the east coast before, and he said he wants to check out NYC this spring, and that we could/should meet up, that he might even come stay with me in Boston... Its just frustrating that the ONLY guy I have been remotely interested both intellectually, and physically, happens to live 3,000 miles away from me! Hmmph. Now I cant stop thinking about him, and I have a total crush on a guy who is unavailable to me... Why is it always the way? You have a crush on a guy who seems to have a crush on you. Distance means nothing, if you like him, just enjoy. And you had some "action" which you enjoyed, that's great. Also it sounds like you enjoy travelling, visiting somewhere new and meeting people, why don't you travel internationally? Life is for the living.
aerogurl87 Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I agree with skydiveaddict. If you two really click and you really do like him, go for it! They've got planes, trains, and cars for traveling and if you two both like each other enough it'll work out, distance or no distance.
ADF Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I agree with skydiveaddict. If you two really click and you really do like him, go for it! They've got planes, trains, and cars for traveling and if you two both like each other enough it'll work out, distance or no distance. LDR are almost never a good idea, unless the couple is already well-established and the period of seperation is definate and short. Starting an opened-ended LDR with someone you just met is almost certain to end badly, with plenty of anxiety and grief leading up to the final break. Naturally, it is your decision. But think about it.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I think that the most central element to this is the part where you were on vacation, and thus more likely to let your guard down while also coming across as a 'relaxed' and 'open-to-(the surroundings)' individual. So in some ways youuuuuuuuuuuu did this for yourself. IF you were to relocate so far away, you may indeed bring yourself to an open and inquisitive "place" in your mind as you got used to the new area. I'm not going to leap in and agree that there were very many specifics to this one individual guy that made him the end-all answer for you. He could be 'good' for you, and may well inspire/motivate you to hit the ground running were you to relocate. I still see you yourself as having been most of the cause for how things felt on that whimsical vacation trip out west.
Knittress Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I'm not a fan of the long-distance thing, but if you're moving soonish why get involved and fall for someone on the east coast? Then THEY'LL be the one 2000 miles away!
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