Blue6 Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 I am 4 months out but closer to 5 months since I got dumped last year. It was long distance for 2 months after a year together. The year I spent with her was probably the most wonderful year of my life. I fell madly in love with this person and was looking forward to a future together. She moved away to school for a year masters program and decided out of no where that she needed to take a break and proceeded to tell me how worthless I was because I lacked direction, passion and don't reach for anything(not true, have a job that I worked very hard at...but i haven't set my life on a career yet). She also said the year we were together was her wanting to try something differently and I should just go live my life. I was so stunned by her actions I wanted to give her what she needed because I genuinely loved her. I agreed to taking a break and that concluded our conversation where she completely walked all over me. I am still having a hard time with how things ended because she was trying to justify our relationship as if it was a time filler for her real life. I know you might ask why i'd want to be with someone who treated me this way, but the person I was with was not the girl who broke up with me. Our lives are moving in different directions, I don't deny that and if she wanted to break up with me, all I ask is that she respect me for the relationship we shared instead of attacking my character in such a cold and callus way. I lost my job a month later and feel like my life has gone to s***. As hard as I try, with therapy etc.. I cannot move past this as the pain is to profound. Getting over this has been the greatest challenge of my young life so far and I am scared I am never going to get over this. I am deeply depressed and using suicide as a coping mechanism to get by. Although that is far for normal, on the contrary, when your heart gets shredded into a fine mist, how are you suppose to trust or live like everything is ok? I just feel so weak and pathetic...
Rearden Metal Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 First things first, suicide is a terrible option. You know why, I don't have to preach to you. BUT if you are genuinely feeling suicidal thoughts, you MUST seek therapy, call a hotline, tell a parent. NOW. I had a moment where running across my apartment and swandiving out of the 9th story window was actually looking like a viable option. But it's not. I sought help immediately, even though it was a fleeting thought. On to your situation: I was dumped in similar fashion. My ex told me I was getting lazy and soft and lost direction. It was incredibly short-sighted of her, since I was instrumental in helping her FIND direction in her life when she was, just months prior, unemployed and sleeping all day. I helped enroll her in school, took her out and catered to her emotional needs. But then when I was in a slump, she told me I was pathetic. Called me weak. In truth, I was emotionally abused and depressed, and needed to break out of it. That's where you are now. Depressed, low and without any self confidence. You need to rebuild YOURSELF for YOURSELF. Not for her. Not because of her. You need to WANT to get better. - Hit the gym. HARD. - drop the booze. At least for a month. Party if you want, but mix coke with coke instead of rum. - Walk outside, look at the trees, grass, earth. Listen. It's amazing out there. - READ. Start with magazine articles if you have to. Sh*t, color a coloring book. Doesn't matter. - Get out. I challenge you to drop the cheesiest one liner you can to the prettiest girl, with a huge cheezy grin. Regardless of her response, crack yourself up! Here's mine I used recently to a waitress: "Nice moccasins, wanna see my Teepee?"... Yah, I said that. Good luck man, we're here for you!
GrayClouds Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 The women is a hateful person, You have to see that this woman was looking to cut you deep. Likely she has a great deal of guilt over the break up and rather then being honest with you it was easier to hurt you to walk away. She had to justify in her mind that it was right to walk away and how better then to tear you down. She need to build herself up at your expense, that is BS. As much as you care and enjoy this girl understand this selfish and destructive behavior she has just shown you is part of this person. Sooner or later she would have used it on you. Be thankful that your not 3 year into the relationhsip with kids. It may be hard to believe but your luck it was now. You hurt and pain right now is a much as missing the person you were in the relationship as it is missing her. You felt confident and with purpose, you lost your job and that has magnified things but remember you are still the same person as you were when you was with her. Just things are more challenging. Give your soef some time to heal for everything but in the mean time start taking some small steps to rediscover your confidence, it is still there it just has taken a hit but a world class assassin. The suggestion Rearden Metal is a good place to start. Try volunteering at something until you find a new job. keep posting .
Rearden Metal Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 You paying attention Blue? GC is in the house. You have a personal guru at your disposal.
Author Blue6 Posted March 27, 2010 Author Posted March 27, 2010 Thanks for taking the time guys. I appreciate your feedback. I should probably mention that this is my third relationship ending as a result of long distance. So my pride is a little hurt. I vowed to never do it again, but then again, I had never been this in love before. Also, she committed to it as well. I ran into her at a party as we rung in 2010 after trying to get a hold of her while she was home for closure. She ignored me completely so I decided to leave it at that. At this party, I got so drunk out of sheer nerves that when we did finally speak, I have no idea what I said, or how I acted. I drunk texted her after she left and reached out in the morning one last time. She completely shut it down and remained her cold callus self. She holds all this power over me and I highly doubt she knows, care or even gives me a simple thought. I know she has moved on with her life and future and I am simply wasting my time. In the end I was the only one trying to make the relationship work and put in most of the effort. I was her wet blanket for a year and she just threw me away. This is killing me.
Rearden Metal Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 Look at my picture. I'm smiling, right? Damn right. Now, go look at my previous posts. 400+ of them in about a month. Go read my thread. I was in BAD SHAPE. In one month, I'm 1000% better. I still hurt, I still miss her. But I grabbed my stones and put a smile on my face. This will be you in one month. Get moving!
Rearden Metal Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 Will she ever contact me?? If I had to bet? Yes. But it will not be the type of contact you desire. She will not be the woman you want her to be. It's sad, but it's the truth.
mickleb Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 Go Rearden! Take care, Blue. You're greater than this. x
Author Blue6 Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 (edited) I've also starting drinking more, I am ashamed to say. I can't talk to my friends anymore about this because they don't understand how much pain I am in. I think it's important to say that I don't like feeling this way and do genuinely want to change but it all just seems so pointless to do so. It's also clear to me now that my coping skills are minimal at best, everyone around me finds it so easy to just move on from things but I can't. Edited March 28, 2010 by Blue6
Recommended Posts