This Hurts Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 I posted this under "Coping", but now I'm not sure if I should have posted it here. The break up was on Tuesday. It was abrupt to me and I didn't see it coming. Just that morning she texted me telling me she missed my smell and my voice, and a few days before that we made love and she cried from how real she felt and told me never to leave her. I was (am) so confused. I have never felt this way. Everything hurts. I have an unlimited amount of questions constantly racing through my head. It hurts to live; to breathe, to eat, to sleep, to be awake. EVERYTHING reminds me of her, it's ridiculous. Things that shouldn't even remind me of her, do. The water that comes out of the shower, my favorite band, my family, my clothes, absolutely everything. I can't eat, play guitar, listen to music, read, watch TV/movies. Things that are supposed to help me get my mind off of her, remind me of her. I can't stop thinking about her no matter how hard I try. I tried going to a party but I had to leave early cause I was too depressed. I have no idea what to do, I'm so lost and devastated. I wake up in the morning and a new wave of pain hits me. I tried thinking of things that would usually make me feel amazing like winning the lottery or traveling the world, and I'm not moved at all. I'm scared. I don't know what's going to happen and I don't know what to do. By the way, she has Bipolar Disorder. I'm positive this is a manic episode, something similar to this happened last year but she still spoke to me then and she eventually snapped out of it and apologized and dedicated herself completely to me. This time she won't speak to me. I know it's only been a few days—I may be freaking out—but this has never happened before and I'm not only afraid I'll lose her to this disorder again, but that I'll lose her permanently. I need guidance, please.
Rearden Metal Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 My ex is also bi-polar, possibly even borderline personality... These girls are so difficult to get over because they suck you in, emotionally, to their world. You become an enabler, a therapist and a lover. It's a very tenuous situation for us because you find yourself caring very very deeply for someone who literally cannot return the feeling. One day they are deeply into you, the next they are fractured, silent people. Neither is real. Both are just ends of an emotionally draining cycle. I've felt JUST like you feel now. One thing I will say is that she WILL contact you again. You never know when, but it's coming. Hopefully, for your sake, you'll be healed by then. Just get through today. Then tomorrow. One day soon you'll be able to shower without thinking of her, then one day you'll be able to play music again. You'll get there. One day at a time bud.
Author This Hurts Posted March 27, 2010 Author Posted March 27, 2010 My ex is also bi-polar, possibly even borderline personality... These girls are so difficult to get over because they suck you in, emotionally, to their world. You become an enabler, a therapist and a lover. It's a very tenuous situation for us because you find yourself caring very very deeply for someone who literally cannot return the feeling. One day they are deeply into you, the next they are fractured, silent people. Neither is real. Both are just ends of an emotionally draining cycle. I've felt JUST like you feel now. One thing I will say is that she WILL contact you again. You never know when, but it's coming. Hopefully, for your sake, you'll be healed by then. Just get through today. Then tomorrow. One day soon you'll be able to shower without thinking of her, then one day you'll be able to play music again. You'll get there. One day at a time bud. Thanks a lot, RM. It really helps to know I have someone to relate to. *Edit I elaborated my situation further in the "Coping" section.
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