Author jmaclean Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 Good news, survived to NC day 5! I think it's been made worse recently because I've had loads of dreams about her last night and the night before. Don't remember the details, but needless to say it's got me thinking about her more and dwelling on it. Guess there's no way of controlling my dreams! Another temptation: a couple of my good friends are still friends with her on facebook. I keep getting the urge (haven't done it yet) to ask them to look at her profile for me on facebook and tell me what's going on. Now I know this is a bad idea because any information about her will just make me feel crap (unless her page says "I feel so guilty and miss my ex and want him to know I'm sorry", which it obviously WON'T!), but how do I stop myself? I can't ask them to stop being friends with her on fb. And does it count as breaking NC?
confused_pjl Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 When I found out my Ex left me for another guy I was furious. My good friends and family would proactively tell me things they saw on her FB profile. It kept making me worse and worse. So, I asked them all to remove her as friends. These weren't mutual friends, they were my friends. They all understood my reasoning and removed her. Ever since then I don't hear anything about whats on her FB profile unless my mom goes snooping, which I have to constantly tell her not too. Mothers.....
Author jmaclean Posted April 9, 2010 Author Posted April 9, 2010 (edited) Day 14 of NC!!! woo! but she hasn't contacted me AT ALL since the breakup and that makes me feel s***. Like she doesn't care and doesn't miss me. So I wrote this email but managed to refrain from sending it and am posting it here instead... Everyone tells me not to contact you, that I must stop being vulnerable before I can talk to you again, but I don’t care. There’s so much I want to say to you. I want you to know that I am deeply sorry for invading your privacy and for sending you horrible messages. You know that I would never normally do such things, and the only explanation I can give you is that I temporarily utterly lost my mind with emotion. I also want you to know that I still love you and care greatly about you. In fact I’m worried about you. I know this must be the most stressful period in your life for so many reasons and I hope you are coping without me. I know how much you used to depend on me. I guess that’s why you’re proving to yourself that you can get by without me. And it’s good that you find that out; I just wish it didn’t have to happen this unpleasant way. And I have to ask – what’s with the new guy? You’ve got weeks of vacation now, then you’re into a month of exams, then you’re leaving uni and heading off goodness knows where. What a time to start a new relationship! I wish I knew whether he was just someone to fill the space in your life that used to be me, or whether he’s someone you really like - someone who makes you nervous and excited, shy and talkative, warm and shivery, all at the same time, like I used to. Has he captured your heart? I also wish you could tell me what went wrong – was it something I did? Something about me I could change? I know you must miss me, but why haven’t you contacted me? At least a friendly email or a text so I know that you haven’t forgotten everything that I meant to you, and that I still have a place in your heart. I can’t believe I haven’t heard from you at all since I found out about the other guy. But have you stopped being in love with me? I wish you would tell me that you have; it would hurt, but it would help me move on. And I wish that when you broke up with me you hadn’t made so many suggestions about getting back together in the future – especially while you were seeing someone else. Whether he’s a temporary fixture or not, the way you handled the break up was dishonest and selfish, and led me on. I guess we all just have to move on and accept that, for whatever reason, it’s over. Edited April 9, 2010 by jmaclean
EmperorR Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 eh nothing new happens to most guys here, welcome to the club sir.
thepulse27 Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 Thank you for not sending that letter. I hope writing it was cathartic, and that you feel at least a little better now, but DO NOT send that. ever. I will elaborate on that if you like, when it's not quite so late. For now I will simply say, this stage of NC is hard, we've all been there, please hang in there. I promise you, one day soon none of this will bother you anymore.
jerrytodd Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 I agree, get out for a run when you think of contacting her. Your'e doing very well - keep it up
bluestraps Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 I never believed the whole " I need to find myself " business, however Its all too common to hear. For sure NC at least for a while. I was devestated after my ex and I split. If you did your best dont feel bad , its her not you. You may find she will get back in touch with you. Its unfortunate, just wait for a while.
Author jmaclean Posted April 9, 2010 Author Posted April 9, 2010 Thank you for not sending that letter. I hope writing it was cathartic, and that you feel at least a little better now, but DO NOT send that. ever. I will elaborate on that if you like, when it's not quite so late. For now I will simply say, this stage of NC is hard, we've all been there, please hang in there. I promise you, one day soon none of this will bother you anymore. Heh don't thank me! Thank YOU. If it wasn't for the advice on this site I probably would already have sent dozens of messages like that. I definitely won't send it now I've reflected on it. Just needed to get stuff off my chest. I can now, in retrospect, think of plenty of reasons not to send it - pleading, pathetic, over-emotional, and asks questions which either she doesn't have answers to or I won't want to hear/understand. I wrote it earlier when I was in a pretty low mood. I go through mood swings of being really low, indifferent, or looking forward to something completely different - guess this is fairly typical? I never believed the whole " I need to find myself " business, however Its all too common to hear. For sure NC at least for a while. I was devestated after my ex and I split. If you did your best dont feel bad , its her not you. I think I believe the "I need to find myself" thing, a bit. Or at least "I need to find something in my life apart from you". Or "I need to find what else is out there". One of those. In another thread on this site I came across this link, which I found useful and I'm sure will strike a chord with anyone in a similar situation: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=247013 You may find she will get back in touch with you. Its unfortunate, just wait for a while. I don't know why I'm waiting for her to get back in touch but I am. I don't know what I'm expecting to happen if she does. Being friends? Getting together again? Not sure I want either of those... so why am I waiting?? To quote the great Homer J S "The waiting game sucks! Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos."
jerrytodd Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 That external link was amazing, it made me completely understand my situation and I have not felt this way for weeks. I truly understand what happened, why I should almost feel sorry for her, and I know that she will bounce and bounce even more. She is a pretty terrific lady in many ways, will get any guy she wants but it wont ever stick.
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