My ex broke up with me about a month ago, still can't get over her :(

[Dodgers27]

I was with my gf for 10 and a half months, and they were the best months of my life. I noticed a month or so before the end that she was a bit more distant and it seemed like there was something wrong. She also talked to me less. So I talked to her mom to see if she thought anything was up, but she said that my gf was crazy about me and loved me so much. Even with her saying that I decided to be proactive and take her on more dates and buy her flowers randomly and just do small things for her to show I cared. It seemed like things had actually gotten better between us, so I was obviously very happy about that, and my concerns had gone away.

 

The last weekend we were together it was a normal weekend, and it was actually very nice. We were planning a trip to Phoenix (we're in the LA area) for our anniversary but we were going to take the trip in March, one month early. That Sunday I booked the hotel and we bought tickets for a Ducks Coyotes game, which is the big reason we were going. She lives about an hour and a half away from me, so I drove every weekend to see her. I stayed later than normal just to be with her that night, but I had to leave because I had work the next day. As I'm driving home my car dies on the freeway. I thought that this would be the worst thing to happen to me this week; I was wrong.

 

On Wednesday I get a text from her saying "are you on your lunch, do you have time to talk?" So I call her and she starts telling me that she has something to tell me and she doesn't want me to hate her. I finally promised her yes and then she said that she had lost her feelings for me that she use to have. She said they went away a few months ago but she thought they would come back, and at one point they did, but then it just stopped for some reason. I honestly can tell you that I have never felt any more pain than this in my entire life. It felt like my heart just broke in half.

 

This girl was my first real love, and I very much loved her. She was always the one who would talk about marrying me and having a future together, and at first I was just kinda like "yeah....", but after a while I really got into it and I could see a future with her and I together. Her breaking up with me wouldn't have been such a shock except for the fact that she talked about loving me and wanting to marry me so much that I honestly shouldn't have expected anything like this. To highlight this point, the VERY LAST DAY we spent together she told me that she wanted to get married on 10-10-10. I don't understand how someone can say things like that then tell you that they didn't mean any of it and they just said those things toward the end so she wouldn't hurt me.

 

Much has happened since then, but to make a long story short, I overreacted to a few things, didn't give it enough time before I tried to be friends with her again, and now she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I didn't do anything bad, I just said things out of bitterness and spite. She eventually told me that she started dating someone just a week and a half after the breakup, but she didn't go out looking for someone, she just fell for him hanging out with him and her best friend. If my heart wasn't broken, it was smashed into pieces after that. She then told me (after I asked) that she hadn't felt anything bad after the breakup, which sent me on a downward spiral for a few days. To even think of how broken up I've been since the breakup and she's not only perfectly fine, but looking HAPPIER than I've ever seen her tore me apart.

 

I can't say that I was the perfect boyfriend, because I made my fair share of mistakes. But I treated her better than many guys would have (not her in particular, but just how guys treat girls in general). I would have and did EVERYTHING for her. I drove 2 hours (3 in traffic) every weekend to go see her because I loved her so much. I would go get her something to eat at 2 in the morning if she got a craving for something, I would buy her things that she wanted, I would watch whatever she wanted, go wherever she wanted, etc...Maybe I did too much for her and didn't make myself assertive enough, but I did everything I could to make her happy, and for her to tell me that she was unhappy being with me for a few months made me so unbelievably angry I cannot even tell you.

 

Ever since the breakup, though, I didn't listen to my friends and I checked her facebook and twitter every day and eventually saw things I never wanted to see, like **** with her new boyfriend, and it killed me. I wish I had never checked her facebook or twitter. I'm not friends with her on either anymore, which actually has helped to a degree.

 

Despite my anger for her breaking up with me while I was a really good boyfriend and treated her amazing and her dating some guy just a week or so after our breakup i still CAN NOT get her out of my mind. I miss her more than anyone I could have ever imagined. Every little thing reminds me of her. Going to the store kills me because I did that with her so often for just grocery shopping. Listening to the songs I love is brutal because I associated so many songs with her. Caught Up In You - .38 Special is one of my favorite songs of all-time and basically became my song for her and listening to that song has made me tear up since. I just think of what I did to deserve this. I wonder what I could have done to make her love me still, or what I could have done to make her never stop loving.

 

It turns out that I just wasn't her type of guy, because she's more of an outgoing girl who likes to party occasionally and drink and I'm a really shy guy who would rather stay home and watch a movie with my ex when we went out and who doesn't drink at all, and am just not really that outgoing. I would do anything now to make her love me again: I would eat foods that I hate that she loves, go to parties with her and her friends, try drinking, and just be more generally outgoing. None of that does or would matter now. She's long moved on and I'm sitting here missing her like an idiot.

 

As I'm writing this "What Is Life" by George Harrison comes on my Itunes...what is my life without your love. Tell me who am I without you by side?

 

A wreck, it seems.

 

The biggest reason I joined in here was to post about my feelings without putting any more burden on my friends who I think are quite sick of hearing about my relationship problems, so talking to other people about them who have been through similar problems seemed like a good idea. I'm not really looking for advice, though any is welcomed. I'm really just trying to vent out my frustrations, which I haven't really found a good outlet for yet.

 

As the situation currently stands I haven't talked to her since Sunday, which was me apologizing for any bad things I said to her (which weren't really bad, just told her "good" when she said me talking to her mom on the phone a couple times a week because her mom was worried about me was making her feel like ****, and a couple other things like that) and telling her that I wanted her to be happy over all else right now, and that eventually I'd like to be able to talk to her like the friends we use to be before we dated. I'm doing my best not to talk to her, because I really do want to. She doesn't know if she even wants to bother being friends with me anymore, which hurts even more.

 

So I'm just waiting it out to see if she even cares enough to be friends with me. If she can't it just seems like she really never cared enough about me to even want to try and be friends, and I don't know how I will take it. Just another reason why I don't want to rush her thinking about it.

[counterman]

Don't worry about waiting. It's not happening. Why would you want to be friends with someone who treated you like that? I certainly wouldn't. Also, if you still have feelings for her and she's with this other guy, why would you want to cause yourself more pain?

 

She lead you on. She knew you were catering to her and she knew she wasn't feeling it and she still let you treat her as though she's a princess. You've put her on a pedestal that everything you did for her you thought she deserved it. Fact is, she wasn't feeling it. She hadn't been feeling it for a long time. A week and bit later, she's dating someone else? Does she really reflect a girl who was really in love with you to talk about marrying you? Actions speak louder than words. No matter what she said, it was all crap. You deserve better than this.

 

You sound like you would have done anything for her. It seems as though you would have done things that might not have enjoyed as much as well. It's time to find yourself again and work on yourself. It is painful but the more you think about being friends with her and talking to her, the more pain you are going to suffer. Do things that you enjoy, that you want to do for yourself. She's not with you anymore which means you have more time to work on yourself.

 

We all make mistakes and you said some things because you had heard her say things about love and marriage that it was such a shock to you to hear her say things. Fact is, your emotions wasn't in check and you had to release it. Don't beat yourself up for that. It's normal. Who cares about her. You shouldn't accept this crap, or anything else that is below what you deserve.

 

Delete her facebook, twitter, IM and any other contact details. Don't ever try to contact her again. Read these guides and reread them again and again. They don't make it easy but they make it easier.

So you want a second chance?

The No Contact Guide

 

I was in your situation. The best thing I ever did was stop contacting her and start hanging with my friends, working out, watching shows that I love, and other things that made me happy. The worst thing I did was prolong my heartache by trying to justify her actions and trying to shoulder all the blame, when it wasn't really all my fault. I have learnt from my mistakes and I have taken responsibility for my side of things. Confidence is sky high and I couldn't be more assertive.

 

It is all about you now. Vent if you have to vent. Grieve when you have to. But, by all means, NEVER EVER contact her. If she contacts you, ignore it.

 

Be kind to yourself.

 

CM

[D a N G e R]

Counterman, thank you writing that down. I was in a scarily similar situation to the original poster, almost to a tee. It's been 6 months NC from my side which I started the DAY she finished it in October 2009, and I feel like I have found myself again but still need to constantly remind myself that I don't need her and more importantly, she doesn't deserve me.

 

Thanks again, your words ring out and I'm sure the OP will appreciate them aswell.

 

OP, listen to what counterman says, I swear NC will be the best thing you ever do for YOURSELF. It has been for me.

[justaguy123]

This sounds exactly like my situation and I mean exactly. My ex said all the things she said to you about marriage and a family and I believed her. I never thought that she would dump me for another guy and that her feelings could just go away.

 

Its hard to believe that someone you did everything for and loved so much could just walk away and go be with some other guy.

 

We both just have to realize that we are better off without them and that we deserve better than someone who does that to people.

 

Those kinds of people are users. They use people to get what they want and when they dont get it anymore they leave. They don't try to work on the relationship. They are the kind of people who think the grass is always greener.

 

I'm sorry you are in pain, I am too, but just know that we can get through this and we will be stronger for it. Always know that you can vent here. It helps a little.

[just1guy]

Those kinds of people are users. They use people to get what they want and when they dont get it anymore they leave. They don't try to work on the relationship. They are the kind of people who think the grass is always greener.

 

 

He's right, go NC. These users are going to keep moving from relationship to relationship, so better that you found out now then when you're engaged, or married. I feel sorry for these people and the bleak future that they have.

 

My ex left me under almost the exact scenario (marriage talk, told our parents about our future, then gone, only we were together for a couple of years.) And you know what, I wasn't the first guy she did it to, and the guy she's with is going to have the same outcome.

 

Let them go, it's not worth it. She's not spending energy thinking about you, so you shouldn't for her.

[McGrupp]

ull be alright,

 

billion women in the world.

 

go get another one.

 

and LEARN from this.

 

always be a douchebag to women

[Dodgers27]

Thank you everyone who replied to me in here, I appreciate the support and advice.

 

Counterman, I'm done trying to talk to her, there's just no point anymore. I haven't talked to her since I posted this, but I've just been realizing more things and realizing how terrible she's treated me since the breakup (she supposedly loved me...uh huh, i can totally tell).

 

She told me when she broke up with me that I felt like a brother or her best friend, now I see that it was just more freaking bs so she could feel better about breaking up with me, though I really don't think it was that hard for her to do.

 

Oh well, life goes on, or so I hear.

[justaguy123]

Thank you everyone who replied to me in here, I appreciate the support and advice.

 

Counterman, I'm done trying to talk to her, there's just no point anymore. I haven't talked to her since I posted this, but I've just been realizing more things and realizing how terrible she's treated me since the breakup (she supposedly loved me...uh huh, i can totally tell).

 

She told me when she broke up with me that I felt like a brother or her best friend, now I see that it was just more freaking bs so she could feel better about breaking up with me, though I really don't think it was that hard for her to do.

 

Oh well, life goes on, or so I hear.

 

I hate the f'n bs that the dumpers tell you when they tell you it is over. The I still love you and still care about you stuff.

 

My ex told me she wanted to be single and not do what she did to her last boyfriend to me. Then she goes out with another guy two days after.

 

I hate cowards like that. I never thought of my ex was a coward until she did that to me.