teanoranges Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 4.5 months nc, prob 10 months broken.. and yet my self is still feeling the hurt, albeit lighter and in different ways. I just feel crushed how easily he has forgotten me and how quickly he is happy with his new woman. i'm mad that he belittled me to his friends. Really its sad to be forgotten and hurt in a way I never expected (not from being dumped but from the label he's given to me.) I wish I could just forget about it like so many people do. just move on, but it still eats at me. Its the same thing with everyone, I know, and I thought I was smart enough to bypass these feelings. Been working hard to better myself, but either nothing is ever enough or I just don't have the luck. It just keeps getting tougher and life is not helping me out.
skydiveaddict Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 I feel the same way. It shouldnt still matter, but it does. I think it's just that the healing process can take a LONG time
threebyfate Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 I have to beat you two up. Why are you internalizing this break up, enough to erode on your self-esteem? Both of you are the same people you were, before this past relationship and no one can make you less than you are, without your own enthusiastic participation.
skydiveaddict Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 I have to beat you two up. Why are you internalizing this break up, enough to erode on your self-esteem? Both of you are the same people you were, before this past relationship and no one can make you less than you are, without your own enthusiastic participation. I know you're right TBF. I want to let go, but I dont know how
Tamia78 Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 (edited) I have to beat you two up. Why are you internalizing this break up, enough to erode on your self-esteem? Both of you are the same people you were, before this past relationship and no one can make you less than you are, without your own enthusiastic participation. Three, great advice, but I have to say it's NOT as easy as you paint it out to be. We are human. We have issues and problems. Low self-esteem is definitely one of mine. I have the same problem as the two above, and it's been a hard road telling myself that while I do have my own faults, my ex is the one with even bigger ones, and even tho he seems happy in a new relationship, he's going to do the exact same thing to everyone he gets with. It's not an easy thing, let me tell you........so.........go easy on us, please. On Topic: TO, I know it seems hard, but it's great that you are focusing on YOU and trying to better yourself. You gotta work on being the best "you" that you can be. He obviously couldn't appreciate who you were, and you deserve someone who does. Maybe start focusing more on a hobby that you like? --T Edited March 27, 2010 by Tamia78
threebyfate Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 (edited) I know you're right TBF. I want to let go, but I dont know howThis is how I've done it in the past:Externalize it first by deconstructing exes, highlighting their negatives to enormous proportions. I keep this up until I feel stronger, while beating myself up for ever caring about such a dud.Then I internalize it all. What were my mistakes, beating the everlovin' crap out of myself for perceived issues.Then, I finally balance the two, to get closer to reality, albeit probably not the purest form of reality, but my reality. When I get to this point, I realize why things wouldn't have worked and once that's accepted fact, I can let go and move on.Step 3 is the best step, since it allows you to step back from yourself, accept responsibility and make changes, where you feel it's necessary. It removes the additional weight from step 2, off your shoulders, since it's rare that one person owns all the issues. Also with step 3, you learn to forgive the other person and more importantly, yourself, so you can move on. From the sounds of it, the two of you are trapped, bouncing back and forth between steps 1 and 2, so you're continuing to beat yourselves up, hence remaining connected to someone who's long gone. Edited March 27, 2010 by threebyfate
Author teanoranges Posted March 27, 2010 Author Posted March 27, 2010 You know, I can't really exactly agree (but who knows, it could be denial?) The reason I say this is just because the past month I was absolutely okay. I don't know why I was ok but I know that things took a bad turn when plans in my life started messing up. I think I am a little 'jealous' of him. but at the same time, I am angry that he's not all enthralled by me. I'm definitely working on it, and its not as bad as it was earlier in the game... but of course... its going on 5 months nc and its really pathetic to still have any feelings other than indifference.
Ilovecake Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 telling myself that while I do have my own faults, my ex is the one with even bigger ones, and even tho he seems happy in a new relationship, he's going to do the exact same thing to everyone he gets with. It's not an easy thing, let me tell you........so.........go easy on us, please. I also keep telling myself that but I can't get myself to actually believe it. I guess I'm in the same boat as the previous posters, can't shake the anger and resentment.
threebyfate Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 Three, great advice, but I have to say it's NOT as easy as you paint it out to be. We are human. We have issues and problems. Low self-esteem is definitely one of mine. I have the same problem as the two above, and it's been a hard road telling myself that while I do have my own faults, my ex is the one with even bigger ones, and even tho he seems happy in a new relationship, he's going to do the exact same thing to everyone he gets with. It's not an easy thing, let me tell you........so.........go easy on us, please.I'm going to point something out that's key to moving on. Don't compare. Look at it from the perspective of what works with you or not, hence understanding self and compatibility, take forefront, rather than an ego-based competition.
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