CAMack2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 (edited) Hey guys, Quasi-long-time reader, first time poster. I'm in a slight situation with a girl and I wanted some advice. I'm 25 and she's 23, if that means anything. I've known this girl for awhile but we've never talked a whole lot or been good friends or anything. I've seen her at parties and we've chatted, but I'd say we were more acquaintances than anything else. We've never hung out alone or had any conversation one-on-one that lasted more than a couple minutes Recently, she moved back to the city where I lived and I told her we should get drinks sometime. She readily agreed and offered her number (without me asking), and we were all set to go for tomorrow night. This girl is super nice, so it's very hard to tell whether she agreed because she thinks it might be a date, or if she's just really nice and wouldn't mind chatting with me for a few hours. She texted me a bit ago and said a good friend surprised her by driving up here from out of town (since she just moved back here). She asked if we could push our get-together for drinks back to Monday night. She suggested Monday night, not me, so I don't get the feeling that she's blowing me off. I haven't said anything yet. I want to know how I should respond to this. Obviously, I'm going to say yeah it's totally cool if we push it back. But should I give her a bit of a hard time, playfully? Also, I was wondering if maybe this was a chance for me to indicate that I intend/hope that this is more than just two quasi friends hanging out. Something like, "Yeah that's cool, but I hope you know you probably owe me two dates now instead of just one!" Is that too much? Other suggestsions? Edited March 26, 2010 by CAMack2010
carhill Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 No worries. Ask someone else out for tomorrow night. She called in advance and rescheduled. If you're free Monday, sounds good to me. Enjoy
Johnny M Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 She texted me a bit ago and said a good friend surprised her by driving up here from out of town (since she just moved back here). She asked if we could push our get-together for drinks back to Monday night. She suggested Monday night, not me, so I don't get the feeling that she's blowing me off. I haven't said anything yet. Is there any way you could check if her friend is really in town? Cause you know, girls do this kind of thing all the time. They'll pretend that something else has come up and cancel just to see your reaction. Such behavior is know as "the sh*t test". If you come across as desperate and too available by replying with something like: "yeah, sure, it's totally cool, I'll meet you whenever you want", your "value" in their eyes drops instantly. The bottom line is, do not reschedule for Monday night. Say that you already have other plans (and vaguely hint that it *might" involve seeing another female). Then suggest another date later in the week.
Author CAMack2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Author Posted March 26, 2010 Is there any way you could check if her friend is really in town? Cause you know, girls do this kind of thing all the time. They'll pretend that something else has come up and cancel just to see your reaction. Such behavior is know as "the sh*t test". If you come across as desperate and too available by replying with something like: "yeah, sure, it's totally cool, I'll meet you whenever you want", your "value" in their eyes drops instantly. The bottom line is, do not reschedule for Monday night. Say that you already have other plans (and vaguely hint that it *might" involve seeing another female). Then suggest another date later in the week. Ok, I totally buy all that, but can I also possibly use this as a way to joke around a bit and maybe gauge her interest? See my last couple of questions above.
Silver_star Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 If she didnt want to go she wouldnt have given you her number. If you follow Johnny M's advise she will think your a jerk, and i dont think your a jerk, and she wont want to reschedule with you. Tell her monday will be fine, and then ask her where she wants to meet or suggest a place and time..and meet her then...dont text inbetween though. If she wants to push it back again...i would think that she has second thoughts and really doesnt want to go out or is nervous...or is just attention starved..but give her the benefit of the doubt for now.
Johnny M Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Ok, I totally buy all that, but can I also possibly use this as a way to joke around a bit and maybe gauge her interest? See my last couple of questions above. Of course you can joke about this. But don't say you owe me two dates instead of one - you are making it sound like she's doing you a favor by going on a date with you. This is what I would say: "oh that's great...now I'll have to go to that house party that Jen has been trying to drag me to. But we should definitely reschedule - how about Wednesday night (I'm playing tennis with Johnny M after work on Monday)."
Johnny M Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 If she didnt want to go she wouldnt have given you her number. If you follow Johnny M's advise she will think your a jerk, and i dont think your a jerk, and she wont want to reschedule with you. Don't listen to this. Girls love guys who are jerks to some degree. You want to be a jerk - just not a total jerk.
Author CAMack2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Author Posted March 26, 2010 Alright, one more--is it a big deal whether we meet there or I pick her up? The conversation sort of naturally led to us just meeting there when we discussed it before, but should I now offer to pick her up? Does it matter?
sullysteve Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Is there any way you could check if her friend is really in town? Cause you know, girls do this kind of thing all the time. They'll pretend that something else has come up and cancel just to see your reaction. Such behavior is know as "the sh*t test". If you come across as desperate and too available by replying with something like: "yeah, sure, it's totally cool, I'll meet you whenever you want", your "value" in their eyes drops instantly. The bottom line is, do not reschedule for Monday night. Say that you already have other plans (and vaguely hint that it *might" involve seeing another female). Then suggest another date later in the week. I agree with this advice.
Johnny M Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 (edited) Alright, one more--is it a big deal whether we meet there or I pick her up? The conversation sort of naturally led to us just meeting there when we discussed it before, but should I now offer to pick her up? Does it matter? If you already agreed to meet there, don't offer to pick her up. In fact, avoid doing anything that makes you appear too eager. Edited March 26, 2010 by Johnny M
ADF Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Slow down, partner. The woman obviously wants to spend some time with you. At this point, that's plenty. See what happens when you go fro drinks. See what kind of vibe to get. You needn't be so anxious to nail this down to a date yet.
Author CAMack2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Author Posted March 26, 2010 If you already agreed to meet there, don't offer to pick her up. In fact, avoid doing anything that makes you appear too eager. In fairness, we never really agreed to anything. I said the location and 7pm, and she said "Sounds great, see you then!" I didn't even have a chance to offer. She lives in an area very close to where I'll be leaving from work before we meet, so can't I pretty easily say, "I can pick you up, I'm coming from there anyway"? That doesn't really seem very eager, just convenient.
Johnny M Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 In fairness, we never really agreed to anything. I said the location and 7pm, and she said "Sounds great, see you then!" I didn't even have a chance to offer. She lives in an area very close to where I'll be leaving from work before we meet, so can't I pretty easily say, "I can pick you up, I'm coming from there anyway"? That doesn't really seem very eager, just convenient. You are free to do whatever you want. I just gave you my opinion.
Author CAMack2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Author Posted March 26, 2010 You are free to do whatever you want. I just gave you my opinion. And I appreciate it. Thanks much.
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