Gabriele Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 I am wondering/looking for some advice. My son now 5 1/2 is won't use the bathrooms at school. He has a bladder that can hold more than most so pee is not a problem, but sometimes he has to poop, and can't hold it.....he doesn't say anything to the teacher.....does not go to the bathroom, some leaks out...sometimes he says.....I thought it was just a fart, but I think he knows it's coming. He NEVER has problems at home. I just don't know how to help him feel comfortable. Some one out there must have had this problem too........any solutions? I thought about taking him myself when I drop him off/pick up for him to feel safe, but parents are not allowed in kids bathrooms(pretty strict rule). And when I tried to just wait in hall he would not go in... sigh. Thanks Gabriele
Clep Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 It sounds like he us unsure of himself, embarrassed and uncomfortable at school. If you take him somewhere else outside of your home will he go there? I would take him out often and take him to the bathroom while you have a pretend bm there. Maybe if he thinks you are doing it he might start to see it as okay. I would ensure that I find someone to ask where the bathroom is each time in public, take him with me and discuss with him after how proud you are of yourself for making it to the bathroom and keeping your pants clean. I would fake how badly I have to go so it seems realistic that you are proud of yourself. I would also in little guy terms educate him on the purpose of having a bm, how healthy it is for the body and what can happen to our bodies if we don't. I would also start discussing at meal times what types of foods can help with a bm, the nutrients we get from each different food and all around how to stay healthy. When he has a bm at home I would provide praise and let him know you are proud of him for keeping his pants clean. How he feels about himself is really what matters though so I would ask him how he feels about himself after he does it. I realize he goes at home just fine, but these ideas may aid having a bm to be a positive experience instead of a negative one. Hope it starts to go better.
threebyfate Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 This is similar to the adult version of vacation butt, albeit adults have stronger sphincter muscles. Is there any way to change his routine, enough that he has his bowel movement in the evening?
dazzle22 Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 Could you not meet with his teacher and discuss the nature of this problem? Teachers are trained to deal with many difficulties of growing up and if she knows the problem, she can likely help.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 Is it just the school bathroom he won't use? I remember when I was little I had stopped using the bathroom at school because of the short haircut I'd gotten, and someone commented that I looked like a boy entering the girls' bathroom. Needless to say, I suffered a bit of low selfesteem. Do you think it could be psychological? Are there bullies at the school?
califnan Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 I am wondering/looking for some advice. My son now 5 1/2 is won't use the bathrooms at school. He has a bladder that can hold more than most so pee is not a problem, but sometimes he has to poop, and can't hold it.....he doesn't say anything to the teacher.....does not go to the bathroom, some leaks out...sometimes he says.....I thought it was just a fart, but I think he knows it's coming. He NEVER has problems at home. I just don't know how to help him feel comfortable. Some one out there must have had this problem too........any solutions? I thought about taking him myself when I drop him off/pick up for him to feel safe, but parents are not allowed in kids bathrooms(pretty strict rule). And when I tried to just wait in hall he would not go in... sigh. ---------------------- Even elementary schools can be cruel institutions with no Responsible supervision .. an example of occurance of many years ago: My son was in the restroom.. No doors on the stalls, he was on the toilet - other children came in and laughed at him .. (witnessed) .. Also, public toilets are not built the same as residential ones .. i.e. the backs, etc.. Your little 5-1/2 yr old is a very young little guy. The responsibility isn't his - it falls on adults, or whoever is supposed to be in charge at the school. His problem may have turned into a psychological one that can not be worked out in the near future - so it will have to be worked around.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 I agree with TBF. Try to change the time he has his bowel movement. Have him sit and try to go around 15 minutes past breakfast and dinner. Hopefully you can change his routine. I wouldn't push the issue with him, I think he may become more comfortable eventually. I changed schools in middle school and the bathrooms scared the bajesus out of me. It was a year before I was comfortable enough to use it. I wonder if it might help if he had a buddy to go with him. Poor little guy. I hope it works out for him, that is a long time for him to hold his bladder as well. I hate to think he's uncomfortable at school.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Is there a private bathroom in the office or first aid room that he could use?
califnan Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Is there a private bathroom in the office or first aid room that he could use? --------------------- Best idea yet ...
Author Gabriele Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 truly, thanks for the replies. School is the only place he needs to really be independent about the bathroom. I mean at home he is independent, but at a store or something of coarse I go with him. He will go at a store/restaurant but #2 has always been difficult not at home. I have talked to the teacher, but it has not helped so far.....he gets really quiet and will not speak about it with her. he is quite embarrassed. I think I will try talking to her again in private. And I like the idea of me making a deal about going while out, maybe even my Husband too. His teacher is really good and experienced I hope she can offer some more support. And I will make the suggestion about the private bathroom. I was thinking that maybe she could set him up with a buddy that is comfortable she can just have my son go when he goes.....even if he just waits in there, might make him get used being in there. Gosh parenting can be so stressful!!!! thanks for the suggestions! Gabriele
califnan Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 You're quite welcome Gabriele.. And I was thinking that if only the school would cooperate on this .. It would give your son enough rest (with the knowledge that there is an option) .. that in time - he would go to using the same restroom as the other children.. And I am not discounting that if he may be feeling uncomfortable about it - because something has happened there - to Make him feel shy or uncomfortable about it . He will grow out of it in time, but the school must cooperate.
tigereyes1428 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 my 12 year old still wont poo at school he always waits til he comes home - he does not want to do it at school and would not even consider it - he has always been like this - feel free to pm me x
Clep Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 And I was thinking that if only the school would cooperate on this. He will grow out of it in time, but the school must cooperate. How true...the schools cooperation would be of a great aid here. I am fourty years old and just got out of it myself about three years ago. For me it was shame that went beyond embarrassment. I never had a negative experience associated with a bm anywhere once in my childhood, so that was not the cause for me. I am not so sure he will grow out of it. It is a psychological issue I think. If not addressed that issue will not go away or improve. To me he needs some gentle therapy and reassurance. I would set up a plan of action and then outline that with the school and set up a plan for them to mimic that plan as well. Team work.
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