Do most ment in their 30s and 40s

[threebyfate]

I need to amend my statements on substantial age gap relationships. Sometimes, there are relationships that don't fit the stereotypical predatory mold.

 

When two individuals are a similar stage in life, where the younger is an old soul and the older is a young soul, it's all good. And I mean that sincerely.

 

It's just the predatory, compensatory relationships, that yes, I condemn.

[paperchase]

...I don't want to feel pressured to start a family soon because my boyfriend is getting older and is noticing all his friends are settling down now. I want to be able to experience new things with my boyfriend, like buying our first house together or starting both of our new respective careers. Most older guys have already done those things and are usually in another stage in life. Then the ones who aren't looking for a real commitment just want a fling or a trophy girlfriend/wife. And I'm not willing to be either of those.

 

It's funny because I find that women in their late 20s and early 30s being to pressure me early in a relationship with talk of marriage and children. Now I am divorced and have two kids. I would also have more so that's not an issue. I'm well enough off to provide for them all. So I'm not like that guy who's desperate to spread his seed. I'm 37 but nobody believes it. For what it's worth I would not date someone who is 20.

 

You mentioned buying your first house together or starting your careers together as things you can't do with an older guy. Well I had a first house with my ex wife. Quite a nice one that she got in the divorce. I also had a great career we started together but had to reinvent myself to enjoy my post divorce second lease on life. My 24 year old girlfriend just dumped me and she used to express similar concerns to what you have. I never understood but clearly she was not alone.

 

She used to say you have kids. It wouldn't be as special with me. You had a big house, you've done it all. I used to tell her I did alot, but I want to do it better the second time around. I want to get it right. In my mind I was starting my life all over so we were in similar places. I was rebuilding from the ground up. Just a thought.

[Woggle]

I am 31 and I am married to an older woman but if I were still single I would never want a woman under 25. No offense to the exceptions but many of them are drama addicts and are still in the bad boy chasing stage. Older women might not put up with being treated badly but if you treat them well they will return it and then some. It seems to be the opposite with young women. Some women do end up embittered misandrists who have a wall so thick no man can get through it but not all older women are like that.

[SaintDragon]

Might I ask just for the sake of asking why you WON"T date a woman older then you? or even taller whats the big deal? just asking

 

I'd want to be able to feel her hair in my neck while standing, to be able to pick her up without falling and not have to have her help me get something from the top shelf...In short I would feel less manly if I were shorter.

Same with age..less manly if I were younger...I don't go for the cub/cougar relationship.

[Johnny M]

This question creates a cognitive dissonance within me. Within my close social network, I don't see this happening in any way. As well, most of the men I've historically been involved with, haven't been youth chasers.

 

But as an observer, looking outwards, I would say there's a substantial portion of men who do youth chase for any one, or a combination of the following reasons:

1. Fear of aging and death. Do they still "gotz'it"?
   
2. Superficial reasons, including but not restricted to, trophy hunting.
   
3. Younger women are easier to control and have less experience.
   
4. Younger women are less demanding and are less cognizant of red flags.
   

You forgot the most important reason. Young women are more attractive.

[Ilovecake]

Some women do end up embittered misandrists who have a wall so thick no man can get through it but not all older women are like that.

 

I agree with you and just to add I don't think most women are like that. I mean if you're choosing to spend time with a misogynist I can't imagine you're going to come off as a healthy, happy girl. If you're an old male chauvinist all you'll be exposed to are resentful, embittered women because that's the atmosphere you create. I think a lot of people don't realize that they're responsible for the atmosphere they create around themselves and tend to blame the other person.

[stillafool]

Perhaps 'most' is subjective; some? Sure, some men love the young hard bodies. Absolutely. Heck, I know guys in their 60's like that. If it wouldn't destroy them financially, they'd replace wifey with a young babe in a blink. Says a lot about them, no?

 

 

 

I think it's more that they like a young face and hard young body. I don't think it is as much for "arm candy" as what he enjoys looking at in the bedroom.

[Fouts]

want to be with women in their 20s?

 

It seems like a lot of my women friends in my age group, including me (I'm 39) are being left for much younger women. What gives?

 

I think in general yes. Most single men in that age bracket are looking to recapture a portion of their youth. If they're divorced, re-live a part of life they missed out on being married, perhaps raising a family. There's plenty of exceptions though.

 

I'm early 40's and wouldn't even consider getting to know someone under 30. I like independent women with character, someone with real life experience and know how, not someone fresh out of college and just getting over their HS sweetheart

[threebyfate]

You forgot the most important reason. Young women are more attractive.

Refer to point #2, which covers all matters of superficiality.

 

But your statement is a control statement, wrapped in a thin veneer of "brutal honesty". Interesting but not worth taking the bait for, since it's a deliberate attempt to pit different aged women, against each other.

 

Effective troll statement but that's about it.

[Johnny M]

40 here

 

I like to look at the younger chic's every now and again but to try and date or have a relationship with someone in their early 20's ?? Nah I don't think so...... Like one poster already posted.... I go to bed early and wake up early. (before the sun comes up even in the summer) And I don't have to much in common with the younger crowd anymore. My age or older is what I look for......

If you are 40 and would only date your age or older, you are either extremely insecure or there is something seriously wrong with you. It's normal for men to date younger women for two reasons:

 

1) Men age slower. A man in his 30s or even early 40s who takes good care of himself can be almost as attractive as he was in his 20s. The same does not go for women (especially if they went through childbirth).

 

2) Women car about their partner's social status much more then men do. To many young women, an older is more attractive than someone their age for that reason alone. Plus, women in their 20s often consider their guys their age "immature".

 

So if you are 40, still look good and have a nice job, by all means, go after the younger babes. Nothing creepy about that at all (to be clear, I'm talking about single men here; I'm not advocating that men dump their middle aged wives to replace them with someone younger). In fact, I'm still shaking my head trying to figure out why any man would want an aging divorcee with kids - unless that's all that he could get (which may be the case with you, I don't know).

[Johnny M]

Refer to point #2, which covers all matters of superficiality.

'Superficial' is such a silly term. What exactly does it mean, to be 'superficial'? I bet if you listed your criteria for choosing a man, I could find something 'superficial' about every single one of them.

[zebracolors]

I need to amend my statements on substantial age gap relationships. Sometimes, there are relationships that don't fit the stereotypical predatory mold.

 

When two individuals are a similar stage in life, where the younger is an old soul and the older is a young soul, it's all good. And I mean that sincerely.

 

It's just the predatory, compensatory relationships, that yes, I condemn.

 

I know this was directed at men, but I would like to echo TBF's sentiments on age gap relationships. If you're in that age range but you will only date people extremely younger then yourself, then you're probably trying to compensate for something.(refer to TBF's previous list of reasons)

 

Some are reasonable. For me at 34 I think my cut off younger than my age would be 24 or 25. So I would not go out with a 19-20yo guy because that would be too much like dating my nephew, just too weird. Ideally I think I could connect with anyone between 31 and 35 best though. Same generation and all that.

 

Being in my 30s I do sometimes worry about not measuring up to younger, more youthful looking women when it comes to the attention of guys, but I am comforted in knowing that age does does bring wisdom, not always cynicism.

[SaintDragon]

Refer to point #2, which covers all matters of superficiality.

 

But your statement is a control statement, wrapped in a thin veneer of "brutal honesty". Interesting but not worth taking the bait for, since it's a deliberate attempt to pit different aged women, against each other.

 

Effective troll statement but that's about it.

 

 

Well done, TBF, Well done:laugh:

 

 

If both parties are happy together no matter how old they are..then that is all that counts. I have one cousin that is in her 20's(not sure how much into them) but her husband is 42. They had a baby 4 years ago. She seems very happy anytime I see her.

[sumdude]

Funny thing is? My ex GF is 41 and dating a 24 year old boy now, sooooo...(insert sound of large table having been turned) eff it!. If she can do it why shouldn't I, right?

[melodymatters]

First, I apologise to St Dragon if my facts were incorrect. I remember a few years back when that was the case and if your circumstances have changed for the better, good for you !

 

I also have to say that I think there is a diffference between dating ONLY people withing certain numerical ranges : age, height, weight, and happening to come upon someone with that differential and truly falling in love.

 

My late husband was 16 yrs younger, but previous to him, I had always dated men my age, or usually around 7 yrs older for some reason.

 

If I only was attracted to mid 20's men, I would be the first one to say that perhaps I'm being skewed, and leaving out a great portion of possible mates.

 

So, yeah, sometimes you fall n love with a tall-y, or a short-y, or a young-y, but if you close all your windows to exclude anything but, you're basically screwing yourself. After all thats just one small portion of their being, mind, heart and soul.

 

OP, I wouldn't worry about this. If that's ALL you and your freinds are finding out there, you are definitley in the wrong places, with the wrong crowd, so switch it up !

[gypsy_nicky]

 

1) Men age slower. A man in his 30s or even early 40s who takes good care of himself can be almost as attractive as he was in his 20s. The same does not go for women (especially if they went through childbirth).

 

2) Women car about their partner's social status much more then men do. To many young women, an older is more attractive than someone their age for that reason alone. Plus, women in their 20s often consider their guys their age "immature".

 

.

 

1) looking youthful for your age is not based on gender. Its a combination of your genes (mostly this) and your environment (taking proper care of yourself). Only a handful of people look 20 at 30 or 40.

 

2) There are young professionals nowadays that get a good salary straight out of graduate school or other professional training. Age is not status.

[Johnny M]

1) looking youthful for your age is not based on gender. Its a combination of your genes (mostly this) and your environment (taking proper care of yourself). Only a handful of people look 20 at 30 or 40.

Women mature faster than men. It's a biological fact.

 

2) There are young professionals nowadays that get a good salary straight out of graduate school or other professional training. Age is not status.

Young professionals who are straight out of graduate school usually have massive student loans that they need to pay off. And they tend to live in big cities where the cost of living is very high (making 100K/year in New York is not exactly a ticket to a grand lifestyle). Plus, they still make a lot less money than older men/women in the same profession.

[gypsy_nicky]

Women mature faster than men. It's a biological fact.

 

 

Young professionals who are straight out of graduate school usually have massive student loans that they need to pay off. And they tend to live in big cities where the cost of living is very high (making 100K/year in New York is not exactly a ticket to a grand lifestyle). Plus, they still make a lot less money than older men/women in the same profession.

 

Mentioning 'biological fact' will not get you credibility.

 

Usually but not always. Most graduate loans are helped paid by wealthy parents. You also forget that these graduates start off with a good income level. A high standard of living does not mean that its unaffordable nor does it make you poor.

 

Its obvious a graduate will make less but it really doesn't stay that way does it?

 

Blanket statements are not meant for reality.

[SaintDragon]

First, I apologise to St Dragon if my facts were incorrect. I remember a few years back when that was the case and if your circumstances have changed for the better, good for you !

 

 

NO!. I have been on my own for YEARS AND YEARS! Back then I lost my job for a while and there was a "possibility" I may have to move back home, but I didn't.

The last time I slept in my dad;s house was when I was 20. I moved out after I got my union job..never looked back. I love ya, Mel, but I had to clear this up...I'm anything but a lazy guy that lives in his parent's basement... I don't want anyone thinking that about me. I work hard.

 

Anyways... I prefer younger woman than me, but I guess it's possible to change my mind...I never been confronted with that situation..so who knows.

 

If you're all happy then who cares how old you are.... just be freakin happy, because love is hard enough itself.

[stillafool]

It's been my experience with people who brag about looking 20 when they are in their 30's and 40's - it's just not true. I admit they look good for their age but they don't look like they are in their 20's. Experience always shows in their eyes and I'm not talking about crows feet either.

[Lizzie60]

want to be with women in their 20s?

 

It seems like a lot of my women friends in my age group, including me (I'm 39) are being left for much younger women. What gives?

 

I honestly don't know where women get this idea.. it's sooo untrue..

 

Most men I know over 40 don't want to have anything to do with women that young.. they have nothing in common.. they are 2 generations..

 

Unless they want a good f*ck...just like us older women who sleep with much younger men... it's for the sex part.. not for long term serious relationships...

[tami-chan]

I am glad I do not know "MOST" men...lol...I am in my 30's and still get asked out by guys younger than me. But I do prefer guys older than me. Now, if I can only get past this dating clumsiness and navigate this better, I will be set!

[allina]

Really? I didn't realize that at 26 I was so past my prime. Good thing I'm getting married this year

[zebracolors]

A turn off?

 

Ill admit its unnerving when they see your bs, but its not really a turn off

 

Women in their 30's and 40's seem sexier to me. They dont become disgusting until menopause

 

Shame some men feel this way. Because guess what. It happens to ALL women. When you turn 50+, do you really think you'll be 100% able to convince a woman younger then 30 to sleep with/date (without being loaded financially) you with that mind set?

[dressing up]

I have a crush on a man in his 40s, who's going out with a girl in her 20s. Go figure.