Chochobong Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Wife and I have taken a step back, but still have been living together and doing our own thing. She's been emotionally hot and cold towards me (but I've been guilty of this during the relationship, so I guess I'm getting a taste of my own medicine). She was also giving mixed signals and verbally saying she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with me. So 5 days ago the wife and I had a heart to heart talk about reconciling and we both agreed that this marriage deserved a second chance and we still have deep feelings for each other and something special that not everyone has. She still believes we need a little time apart before we start things up again. Both of us have our own vacation plans that will last for about a week (originally we had a joint vacation). We had a great engaging/genuine conversation and then I step away for 10 minutes, come back and she is zoned out/emotionally distant staring off in the distance. When asked what was up she just shrugged it off that she was a little bummed down with all the stresses and recent happenings (okay I've been guilty of this in the past too). Needless to say I was a little perplexed about the change in mood and found it hard not to take it personally. She is reading a book about improving your marriage and has mentioned talking with friends about their relationship problems and how they're working through it. The mixed signals about not knowing if she wants to be with me have ceased. The emotional hot and cold feelings toward me are still ongoing. So some progress.... I'm trying hard not to read into things. It's hard when you trust and believe someone 100% when you're together, but then you step back and everything gets turned upside down and little things are called into question (e.g. is she hiding something and/or being secretive). I guess we'll see what happens after the vacation time apart. I just hope this isn't an act to buy more time so she can figure things out for herself and not have to move out of the house.
Rearden Metal Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Really tough situation. However, you are married, which means (to me) that you need to give her the benefit of the doubt and the space to work through her issues. The best thing you can do is remain open to communication without forcing her into it. Greet her nicely when you see her, smile, give her a hug. Then busy yourself for 5 minutes in the vicinity, give her a chance to talk. If she doesn't, smile and excuse yourself. Go to the gym, bookstore, work, wherever. Repeat this enough and she'll eventually have to address it. If things become platonic, as if you're roommates, I'd suggest trying to spark up sexual feelings. DON'T romance her. Honestly, you should aggressively pursue her like you are college kids. Try to get laid like the old days. If she rebuffs you, laugh it off and retreat again. Get your edge back, stand your ground. Doing all of this shows her you are both still a viable sexual mate (aggressive) and a caring, mature adult (respectful of space and willingness to listen). Good luck bud
Author Chochobong Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 I just pushed the issue that we should go NC when we are on our week long separate vacations. She threw a fit at the idea, but then I reminded her that she is one that kept mentioning space and time apart. In a way she's getting what she originally asked for, but she is still peeved at the idea. More than not she is making comments and showing signs that she wants to be with me (she'll make comments about liking the clothes I'm wearing or that she's wearing something specifically for me). But there are still the occasional comments reminding me that we are separated and may not be together to experience a future vacation together.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I wouldn't make any decisions about this for sure for quite awhile. Every little detail will have too much pressure on it. You will not know if she is genuine for awhile.
Author Chochobong Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 So do you think NC is the way to go over the vacation?
Author Chochobong Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 I also believe she's still going to be talking to the OM until were officially back together.
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