Seriously Depressed

[dazzle22]

Yes, but look at all the other things that CAN happen to you. We get in our cars every day and drive, and I think at least every 5 minutes someone dies in a car accident. You could worry about that, or getting a brain tumor, or being robbed. The result would be you would never go out of your house, or you'd have a panic attack every time you got on the freeway. This world IS a dangerous place. There is no end to all the bad things that CAN happen to us all.

 

At some point, constant negative thinking becomes self-fullfilling prophecy. And I think you are at an age where you should question suppositions/beliefs you grew up with and make your own mind up on whether all of them are valid for you. Many things my parents told me as "God's truth" I don't believe anymore. Because they don't make sense..

[waiting4marriage]

Yes, but look at all the other things that CAN happen to you. We get in our cars every day and drive, and I think at least every 5 minutes someone dies in a car accident. You could worry about that, or getting a brain tumor, or being robbed. The result would be you would never go out of your house, or you'd have a panic attack every time you got on the freeway. This world IS a dangerous place. There is no end to all the bad things that CAN happen to us all.

 

At some point, constant negative thinking becomes self-fullfilling prophecy. And I think you are at an age where you should question suppositions/beliefs you grew up with and make your own mind up on whether all of them are valid for you. Many things my parents told me as "God's truth" I don't believe anymore. Because they don't make sense..

 

I don't worry about what CAN happen. I love a lot of sports that some people would consider 'dangerous' like target shooting, hunting, 4 wheeling, etc.

 

It it is just a possibility of something happening, it doesn't bother me. I have no fear of going on airplanes, etc.

 

But I had accepted while I was growing up that it was a 100% guarantee that married women didn't put out. They had the number of kids they wanted. Then, no more sex. Ever.

 

That would still be my belief now if I hadn't met so many borderline nymphomaniac women.

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

 

But I had accepted while I was growing up that it was a 100% guarantee that married women didn't put out. They had the number of kids they wanted. Then, no more sex. Ever.

 

That would still be my belief now if I hadn't met so many borderline nymphomaniac women.

 

Hm. It sounds as if you also subscribe, consciously or not, to the "virgin / whore" paradigm. Please take my wonderful advice and tuck all of your preconceived notions away someplace, and take some time to work on your SELF. Maybe with help from a therapist or a clergy person.

 

The "facts" that you have accepted are falsehoods and you are going to be miserable if you can't or won't leave them behind.

 

Good luck.

[CarrieT]

Hm. It sounds as if you also subscribe, consciously or not, to the "virgin / whore" paradigm. Please take my wonderful advice and tuck all of your preconceived notions away someplace, and take some time to work on your SELF. Maybe with help from a therapist or a clergy person.

 

The "facts" that you have accepted are falsehoods and you are going to be miserable if you can't or won't leave them behind.

 

Good luck.

 

Very, very well put.

[waiting4marriage]

Hm. It sounds as if you also subscribe, consciously or not, to the "virgin / whore" paradigm.

 

I don't think I subscribe to that belief system. I fear that it doesn't matter if she was a "virgin or whore". I fear that in either case, she will be a sexless wife.

 

Once she gets the ring on her finger, and name on the husband's bank account, maybe she'll let her true colors show.

 

I know that most women aren't like that, but I haven't exactly seen anything that would give me hope. I have lost all faith in the system.

[JBelle]

Absolutely nothing. It has to do with how they changed my opinion about women having no sex drive.

 

College was depressing because it made me think that I could not find any woman with my values.

 

You ignored the rest of my post (90% of it)...... Still waiting for an answer to that. What if you are the sexless spouse, as several women have experienced here?

I guess those sexless husbands only wanted the money, too?

[faf]

If you never get married you'll never have sex.

 

If you get married you'll have sex at least once on your honeymoon.

 

Which do you prefer?

[waiting4marriage]

You ignored the rest of my post (90% of it)...... Still waiting for an answer to that. What if you are the sexless spouse, as several women have experienced here?

I guess those sexless husbands only wanted the money, too?

 

I highly doubt that is going to happen. But for the sake of argument, I can admit it is possible.

 

I doubt that the men being the sexless one is likely, but I'm sure it happens in some cases.

 

I like to think that I'm reasonable enough that I'd support any serious, well reasoned request that she has. I believe that 2 reasonable people can solve most problems with a bit of work.

 

I highly doubt that the women with "sexless husbands" offer sex and get refused. That just doesn't seem likely to me. If I were to guess, they were probably giving hints that they thought were perfectly obvious, but men are notoriously unable to pick up on these.

 

I don't see a conversation going like this:

Wife: Want to have sex tonight?

Husband: No.

 

More likely, she'll say something like, "Are you coming to bed?"

 

Not getting the hint, he might say "Later."

 

She'll wonder why he didn't take her up on it, and he wouldn't even have realized it was an offer.

 

Like I said, I believe that 2 reasonable people can work through just about anything. But I also understand that there is a huge divorce rate, with women filing for "no-fault" divorce a large majority of the time. This sadly, to me, says that they are not very serious about the idea. They might take off and run before having to make any hard decisions or compromise.

 

I hear so often, "Why won't he marry me???" Because, we as guys know that ever since high school, WE had to take the chances of asking the girls out. WE were always on the receiving end of rejection. We see the high divorce rates, and the rich divorce lawyers. We all know many people who have been divorced. As much as you're not supposed to say it, the divorce courts ARE biased toward the woman.

 

For example, if a guy is living with his girlfriend, and he likes where the relationship is, he doesn't understand the pressure to get married. She says it is important. He doesn't understand. If nothing is going to change, he wonders, why is she so concerned with getting the government involved? Surely she couldn't just be concerned with a piece of paper that would be financially devastating to him (or both of them?) if things don't work out. This makes men skeptical.

 

If I wasn't so concerned with my religious views, I'd probably be some creep like Glen Quagmire on Family Guy. But I won't allow myself to do that. I'd be guaranteed sex with many women, but I couldn't live with myself. So I find myself in the situation I'm in.

[JBelle]

I highly doubt that the women with "sexless husbands" offer sex and get refused. That just doesn't seem likely to me. If I were to guess, they were probably giving hints that they thought were perfectly obvious, but men are notoriously unable to pick up on these.

 

I don't see a conversation going like this:

Wife: Want to have sex tonight?

Husband: No.

 

More likely, she'll say something like, "Are you coming to bed?"

 

Not getting the hint, he might say "Later."

 

....Now where is this kind of excuse for the sexless women? I thought men were supposed to be the ones raring to go with the slightest breeze on the private area. One would think all would be needed was the slightest mention of bed; and the guy's mind will immediately jump to that. Most women, however, need the romance to get raring to go; most women do not fantasize about sex as often as a man. So why don't we use this excuse for the sexless women? The men just simply weren't obvious enough in their request.

 

 

Now that we have put aside that, the fact is that, if you actually read those threads, instead of focusing only on the men with sexless wives, they say that these women have already tried a number of things, including sitting him down and having the talk or going to Couples Counseling where the therapist directly talks about the sex.

So the idea that the woman barely hinted is false.

 

Besides, we aren't talking about a guy getting the wrong kind of flowers here. This is SEX we are talking about here. What kind of guy needs more than a hint for that? Or so it would seem.....

 

 

Like I said, I believe that 2 reasonable people can work through just about anything. But I also understand that there is a huge divorce rate, with women filing for "no-fault" divorce a large majority of the time. This sadly, to me, says that they are not very serious about the idea. They might take off and run before having to make any hard decisions or compromise.

If I said a guy was filing a divorce from his wife, I'd get from guys "Well, he probably had a good reason to do so."

So I'll tell you,"The vast majority probably have a good reason to do so."

 

After all, if you want to go the way of stats: Among all domestic abuse cases, women are three fourths more likely to be the one killed:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence#Gender_of_assailant

In the most serious cases of violence men dominate. Women are much more likely to be murdered by an intimate partner, regardless of who started the fight. Among the persons killed by an intimate partner, about three quarters are female, and about a quarter are male: in 1999, in the US, 1,218 women and 424 men were killed by an intimate partner, regardless of which partner started the violence and of the gender of the partner.[25] In the US, in 2005, 1181 females and 329 males were killed by their intimate partners.[26] [27]

 

The simple tally of violent acts is typically found to be similar in those studies that examine both directions, but some studies show that men's violence may be more serious. Men's violence may do more damage than women's[29]; women are much more likely to be injured and/or hospitalized, wives are much more likely to be killed by their husbands than the reverse (59%-41% Dept of Justice study), and women in general are more likely to be killed by their spouse than by all other types of assailants combined.[30]

So the risk of women is greater than men in staying in an abusive marriage.

 

Plus, women are more likely to see slapping and punching as domestic violence.

Early studies that merely asked "have you been a victim of domestic violence" did find far lower levels of male victims; but when they asked about specific behaviors ("have you been slapped, punched,...), the numbers evened out. Justice Department studies show that men are 32 percent less likely than women to report any form of violent victimization.[28]

Therefore, more women are going to be more willing to file for divorce.

 

And this is only looking at one aspect of things.

I don't have time to look at other aspects, like neglect.

So there are two ways to look at the stat of three fourths of all divorces are initiated by women based on your own personal bias (This is supposing, for argument's sake, that the stat source for this is reliable, which I don't know at this time.):

1. Women are never satisfied.

2. Men keep abusing or neglecting or whatever else their women.

 

One is a bias against women. The other is a bias against men.

You chose number one without considering number two. That says something.

Personally and realistically, I think it's a combination of both....adding up to that stat.

 

 

 

I hear so often, "Why won't he marry me???" Because, we as guys know that ever since high school, WE had to take the chances of asking the girls out. WE were always on the receiving end of rejection. We see the high divorce rates, and the rich divorce lawyers. We all know many people who have been divorced. As much as you're not supposed to say it, the divorce courts ARE biased toward the woman.

 

For example, if a guy is living with his girlfriend, and he likes where the relationship is, he doesn't understand the pressure to get married. She says it is important. He doesn't understand. If nothing is going to change, he wonders, why is she so concerned with getting the government involved? Surely she couldn't just be concerned with a piece of paper that would be financially devastating to him (or both of them?) if things don't work out. This makes men skeptical.

There's a reason why homosexuals want to be able to get married. Think about it instead of following bare feelings and emotions.

 

 

If I wasn't so concerned with my religious views, I'd probably be some creep like Glen Quagmire on Family Guy. But I won't allow myself to do that. I'd be guaranteed sex with many women, but I couldn't live with myself. So I find myself in the situation I'm in.

 

Aaaand we have finally come to the root of the issue.

 

My advice: Stop listening to the MRA's, who are the male equivalent to the revengeful versions of feminists. I kind of suspected this from the start. You had all the signs.

 

But, hey, you don't have to listen to me. I'm just someone who has been where you are, except I was listening to bitter females (not just revengeful feminists were bitter against men back in the nineties. After years of being treated like chattel, it took a long time until the new current generation of girls started coming back from the dark side to a more realistic view of things. I'm seeing a nice slow change.).

 

The difference, however, was that I determined to never marry or let a man touch me. (Translation: I was only going to hurt myself.) You, however, will hurt yourself and several girls and your own kids, if you give in to this urge.

 

These MRA's are not happy, even with their lifestyle of sleeping with multiple women.

http://www.rooshv.com/the-dark-side

 

That's because, like saltnpepper said in my thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t226499/ , casual sex is meaningless. All it does is satisfy the itch. Sex with that one wonderful woman you connect with is faaar more satisfying and, in saltnpepper's words, "Leaves [you] different than before."

 

 

Living your life with just casual itch-satisfying sex leaves you feeling empty and wanting. (I will have to look around; but I do believe there is a Bible verse for this.)

 

You will have to decide what you want in life. Once you do that, you will change your views to match accordingly. It will be a long slow process (It was for me.); but the rewards are wonderful. I now have a wonderful man I would give everything for. I love him so much that I want to make sure I am the woman he deserves.

 

I did most of the healing with myself and with the help of God; but my boyfriend helped push me the rest of the way by being that wonderful example of a kind and caring man to show me that there are guys out there who are wonderful. But I had to be open to letting him in. I had to be prepared to let go of my fears.

Are you?

[stillafool]

obviously you haven't read around LS enough or have not experienced enough life to know that a lot of MW are not sexually satisfied by their husbands. Some are on here complaining about not getting enough sex, and some are even having affairs. If I were you I would be more worried about that than your wife not giving you enough sex.

 

It is clear to me that you have made up your mind that any woman you marry will sooner or later withhold sex from you so I'm not going to waste anymore of my time trying to convince you otherwise. With your current attitude just decide that you are never going to marry, then you will never have to worry about your nightmare becoming a reality. Good Luck.

[waiting4marriage]

It is clear to me that you have made up your mind that any woman you marry will sooner or later withhold sex from you so I'm not going to waste anymore of my time trying to convince you otherwise.

 

I really didn't mean to upset you. I hate being obsessive compulsive, but this has been bothering me for YEARS.

 

I have been suffering with this hopeless thought since 2005, and I really didn't mean to make anybody angry.

[Luv2dance]

I don't see a conversation going like this:

Wife: Want to have sex tonight?

Husband: No.

 

Yes...I've had conversations like this with my husband!! There are many more men than you would believe with low libidos. Does that mean I think he set me up no, we just have a problem that we are slowly working on in our marriage.

 

And you are EXACTLY right that just about anything can be worked out if both parties are willing to work on it...so why not believe that you can be one of the ones who MAKES it work?? I think that men and women get tired and quit trying b/c we all have the idea that marriage should be easy. It is NOT but if you can communicate it is easier.

 

I would say that about 4 out of 5 close women friends still enjoy having sex with their husbands, but these husbands also put energy into loving their wives!

[stuckinoz]

I highly doubt that is going to happen. But for the sake of argument, I can admit it is possible.

 

I doubt that the men being the sexless one is likely, but I'm sure it happens in some cases.

 

 

 

You HIGHLY DOUBT you'll be the one that doesn't want sex......And yet you are 100% certain....without a shadow of a doubt that once you are married your wife will no longer want sex with you & she will......well all of the other notions you have running around in your head. ........

 

WOW....You do need a bit of a reality check.

Not sure who's been feeding you these lines but SHAME ON THEM.

 

Many have said some very TRUE things here - I don't see you commenting on those. You have your mind made up. (silly though it be)

 

For instance.....Women & MEN....go thru many changes in their lives....As do Marriages...many changes! many ups & downs! So the first time your wife says NO to you, for WHATEVER reason (because she really IS tired, because the kids have been hellyons that day, because YOU SIR HUSBAND, have not been a very nice guy on that day, because she's having her time of the month).......I'm sure you will run to the divorce lawyer & file? Correct? Because god forbid it goes downhill from there

 

Seriously......Check with your priest. Have some counseling sessions.

 

 

Luv2dance...........

but these husbands also put energy into loving their wives!

Standing Ovation for you.....THIS is VERY VERY true....But I doubt that the OP will be commenting on this.

[waiting4marriage]

You HIGHLY DOUBT you'll be the one that doesn't want sex......And yet you are 100% certain....without a shadow of a doubt that once you are married your wife will no longer want sex with you & she will......well all of the other notions you have running around in your head. ........

 

WOW....You do need a bit of a reality check.

Not sure who's been feeding you these lines but SHAME ON THEM.

 

Many have said some very TRUE things here - I don't see you commenting on those. You have your mind made up. (silly though it be)

 

For instance.....Women & MEN....go thru many changes in their lives....As do Marriages...many changes! many ups & downs! So the first time your wife says NO to you, for WHATEVER reason (because she really IS tired, because the kids have been hellyons that day, because YOU SIR HUSBAND, have not been a very nice guy on that day, because she's having her time of the month).......I'm sure you will run to the divorce lawyer & file? Correct? Because god forbid it goes downhill from there

 

Seriously......Check with your priest. Have some counseling sessions.

 

 

Luv2dance...........

Standing Ovation for you.....THIS is VERY VERY true....But I doubt that the OP will be commenting on this.

 

I wouldn't file for divorce. I only get one chance for marriage.

 

So the loving husband thing... what exactly am I supposed to do?

[stuckinoz]

The loving husband thing......While, it's not easy for everyone - How about the old...DO UNTO OTHERS! OH & Stop Having Such A Negative Attitude. When you can have a positive attitude towards marriage ... THEN & ONLY THEN should you get married.

 

You need to be aware that marriage is not perfect. There is not a marriage ever on this planet, that has been 100% perfect, 100% of the time. LIFE happens.

 

My own experience........

My husband & I were raised very strictly in the (Specific Denomination) church. He was a religion major in college. I was going to be the pastors wife. My parents always strived for me to "Marry A Good (Specific Religion) Boy". I did what I was supposed to do.

Fast forward about 10 years into our marriage & we don't go to church anymore, (mostly because of political reasons) my husband has had a drink almost every single day for the last 20 years. (our specific religion forbid drinking, dancing, going to movies...etc)

 

My life did not turn out the way it was initially intended to.........BUT that is not to say that we don't love each other or that we don't have a good life. Because we do & we love each other Very Much. Our marriage has gone thru Hell & Back....But we're better for it.

 

I'm only saying this because, in life you need to be flexible from time to time...Marriage is the same way.

Edited April 6, 2010 by stuckinoz

[stillafool]

I really didn't mean to upset you. I hate being obsessive compulsive, but this has been bothering me for YEARS.

 

I have been suffering with this hopeless thought since 2005, and I really didn't mean to make anybody angry.

 

 

Sweetie, you certainly haven't upset me in the least. Why did you think I was upset or angry? I didn't use all CAPS, did I? This is the way you feel and I don't think anyone here can convince you to view marriage differently. I think if you really want to change you need professional councelling in this area. If you don't seek professional help then it would probably be best that you don't marry so your fears don't become a reality. I think it's a waste of time on a forum to try to convince you otherwise.

Edited April 6, 2010 by stillafool
correction

[waiting4marriage]

....Now where is this kind of excuse for the sexless women? I thought men were supposed to be the ones raring to go with the slightest breeze on the private area. One would think all would be needed was the slightest mention of bed; and the guy's mind will immediately jump to that. Most women, however, need the romance to get raring to go; most women do not fantasize about sex as often as a man. So why don't we use this excuse for the sexless women? The men just simply weren't obvious enough in their request.

 

 

Now that we have put aside that, the fact is that, if you actually read those threads, instead of focusing only on the men with sexless wives, they say that these women have already tried a number of things, including sitting him down and having the talk or going to Couples Counseling where the therapist directly talks about the sex.

So the idea that the woman barely hinted is false.

 

Besides, we aren't talking about a guy getting the wrong kind of flowers here. This is SEX we are talking about here. What kind of guy needs more than a hint for that? Or so it would seem.....

 

 

 

If I said a guy was filing a divorce from his wife, I'd get from guys "Well, he probably had a good reason to do so."

So I'll tell you,"The vast majority probably have a good reason to do so."

 

After all, if you want to go the way of stats: Among all domestic abuse cases, women are three fourths more likely to be the one killed:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence#Gender_of_assailant

 

 

 

So the risk of women is greater than men in staying in an abusive marriage.

 

Plus, women are more likely to see slapping and punching as domestic violence.

 

Therefore, more women are going to be more willing to file for divorce.

 

And this is only looking at one aspect of things.

I don't have time to look at other aspects, like neglect.

So there are two ways to look at the stat of three fourths of all divorces are initiated by women based on your own personal bias (This is supposing, for argument's sake, that the stat source for this is reliable, which I don't know at this time.):

1. Women are never satisfied.

2. Men keep abusing or neglecting or whatever else their women.

 

One is a bias against women. The other is a bias against men.

You chose number one without considering number two. That says something.

Personally and realistically, I think it's a combination of both....adding up to that stat.

 

 

 

 

There's a reason why homosexuals want to be able to get married. Think about it instead of following bare feelings and emotions.

 

 

 

 

Aaaand we have finally come to the root of the issue.

 

My advice: Stop listening to the MRA's, who are the male equivalent to the revengeful versions of feminists. I kind of suspected this from the start. You had all the signs.

 

But, hey, you don't have to listen to me. I'm just someone who has been where you are, except I was listening to bitter females (not just revengeful feminists were bitter against men back in the nineties. After years of being treated like chattel, it took a long time until the new current generation of girls started coming back from the dark side to a more realistic view of things. I'm seeing a nice slow change.).

 

The difference, however, was that I determined to never marry or let a man touch me. (Translation: I was only going to hurt myself.) You, however, will hurt yourself and several girls and your own kids, if you give in to this urge.

 

These MRA's are not happy, even with their lifestyle of sleeping with multiple women.

http://www.rooshv.com/the-dark-side

 

That's because, like saltnpepper said in my thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t226499/ , casual sex is meaningless. All it does is satisfy the itch. Sex with that one wonderful woman you connect with is faaar more satisfying and, in saltnpepper's words, "Leaves [you] different than before."

 

 

Living your life with just casual itch-satisfying sex leaves you feeling empty and wanting. (I will have to look around; but I do believe there is a Bible verse for this.)

 

You will have to decide what you want in life. Once you do that, you will change your views to match accordingly. It will be a long slow process (It was for me.); but the rewards are wonderful. I now have a wonderful man I would give everything for. I love him so much that I want to make sure I am the woman he deserves.

 

I did most of the healing with myself and with the help of God; but my boyfriend helped push me the rest of the way by being that wonderful example of a kind and caring man to show me that there are guys out there who are wonderful. But I had to be open to letting him in. I had to be prepared to let go of my fears.

Are you?

 

Thank you, JBelle. I think that may just be the most well-reasoned response I've gotten. If it is possible for me to get a loving wife, I'll have to look at things from her point of view.

 

I have been out to the bars on Fridays, and over the Easter weekend, as well as the Christmas weekend I have ran into the nicest girl I went to high school with for the first time in a long time.

 

I am not interested in dating her right now, as I am not ready for any long-term relationship right now. She is beautiful, as well as the most friendly, outgoing young woman I have ever met. It seems like almost none of the stereotypes apply to her.

 

But... it still bothers me. She mentioned in high school that she goes to church, a Catholic. I have no idea, and won't ask about the virgin thing. Also, while I'd have hope for her husband, as she is so friendly and outgoing, I still don't know how to accept that she would have sex with him.

[waiting4marriage]

You will have to decide what you want in life. Once you do that, you will change your views to match accordingly. It will be a long slow process (It was for me.); but the rewards are wonderful. I now have a wonderful man I would give everything for. I love him so much that I want to make sure I am the woman he deserves.

 

I know what I want. Like I said, in the next few years, I want a nice Catholic virgin that will frequently have sex with me with the Natural Family Planning method. I won't be having sex at all until I'm married.

 

The only reason I came here was because I feared that there was no way of getting a wife to have sex with her husband after a short time of being married.

[stuckinoz]

I know what I want. Like I said, in the next few years, I want a nice Catholic virgin that will frequently have sex with me with the Natural Family Planning method. I won't be having sex at all until I'm married.

 

The only reason I came here was because I feared that there was no way of getting a wife to have sex with her husband after a short time of being married.

 

After reading the many posts here on your thread, do you still feel that it WILL, for sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt happen to you?

[2sure]

I was a virgin the first time I married. My H was the worst sex partner I ever had and it wasnt until years after our divorce that I realized the reason we just werent connecting in the relationship is because we had no opportunity to connect intimately.

 

But anyway...it shouldnt be hard to meet someone with similar views to yourself. Since your views on sex, family planning and commitment are based on the teachings of your church...just find one with members as devout as yourself.

 

You are not going to meet people with the same beliefs at random places.

[JBelle]

I know what I want. Like I said, in the next few years, I want a nice Catholic virgin that will frequently have sex with me with the Natural Family Planning method. I won't be having sex at all until I'm married.

 

The only reason I came here was because I feared that there was no way of getting a wife to have sex with her husband after a short time of being married.

 

Not true. Otherwise, you wouldn't be stressing over drunk, non-Catholic, non-virgin college girls and talking about having the desire to have sex with random partners.

 

I'd say the root issue of all of this is that you want an excuse to sleep around without your guilty conscience coming in and hitting you upside the head.

 

Like I said, figure out what you really want, what will really leave you happy and fulfilled in life. And learn to put yourself in other people's shoes. The lack of empathy for others is going to hurt yourself in the long run.

[waiting4marriage]

After reading the many posts here on your thread, do you still feel that it WILL, for sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt happen to you?

 

I don't think it is a certainty anymore.

 

I hope that any future wife of mine would at least be willing to talk about and work out our problems instead to just brushing me off and ignoring all of my needs.

[waiting4marriage]

Not true. Otherwise, you wouldn't be stressing over drunk, non-Catholic, non-virgin college girls and talking about having the desire to have sex with random partners.

 

I'd say the root issue of all of this is that you want an excuse to sleep around without your guilty conscience coming in and hitting you upside the head.

 

Like I said, figure out what you really want, what will really leave you happy and fulfilled in life. And learn to put yourself in other people's shoes. The lack of empathy for others is going to hurt yourself in the long run.

 

I am not looking for an excuse to have sex with random women. It's just a temptation that most guys have. I still want both me and my wife to only have sex with each other. And I am willing to accept that I can only have sex with one woman in my lifetime and only after marriage. That does strike me as the ideal. Like I said, my religious beliefs are shaping my standards.

 

The only reason I kept stressing about the college girls was because that was the first time in my life that I really found out that women had a sex drive at all. With all of the stories I heard, that knowledge didn't make sense to me, and so it really hit me hard, and led to a lot of confusion.

 

After reading more of the posts on this forum, it seems like two reasonable people can work through just about any problem. I hope this applies to lack of sex as well.

 

I would appreciate any comments. What do you think.

[aerogurl87]

 

I doubt that the men being the sexless one is likely, but I'm sure it happens in some cases.

 

I like to think that I'm reasonable enough that I'd support any serious, well reasoned request that she has. I believe that 2 reasonable people can solve most problems with a bit of work.

 

I highly doubt that the women with "sexless husbands" offer sex and get refused. That just doesn't seem likely to me. If I were to guess, they were probably giving hints that they thought were perfectly obvious, but men are notoriously unable to pick up on these.

 

I don't see a conversation going like this:

Wife: Want to have sex tonight?

Husband: No.

 

 

I'm not married, but I had to laugh at this because this is exactly how my relationship with my ex boyfriend was. I was always wanting sex and he was always like "no" or "I'm tired" blah blah blah. So I know sexless husbands are possible if sexless boyfriends are. Look you can't predict the future W4M. You could meet a virgin who is great on paper but a horrible wife, or you could meet a non virgin who doesn't meet your laundry list of requirements but turns out to be the best wife ever. But that's life, it's unpredictable.

 

EDIT: I was raised a Jehovah's Witness and pre marital sex isn't just frowned upon, it's forbidden. You get caught doing that and you basically get shunned. With that said I knew a whole lot of girls in my congregation who were virgins who were dying to have sex. I was one of them. So virgins who want sex isn't a myth, they're just hard to find the older you get. Also, women who are virgins are alot more picky than your average girl, especially if they want to wait to have sex till marriage. More than likely their list of requirements in a mate is probably twice as long as yours and you could fall very short of it. Just something to think about.

Edited April 10, 2010 by aerogurl87