xpaperxcutx Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Since the last few dates I'd went on, I noticed there are alot of things that guys are indecisive about, namely whether they want to be in a relationship or not. Fair enough that I hardly even know what I want ( until only recently) but I find it extremely rude to be lied to about it in the face. I remember the last guy I went out with, we had dinner and he told me that whatever comes, comes, but that we're still " dating". Alright so he sugarcoated it, but really why try sugarcoating it and expect me to stick around to wait for you to change your mind? I've since built up a tolerance to guys that tell me " whatever comes, comes" or " we'll see how things go". I know women do this too. I guess what I'm saying is, what can we do as individuals that we can easily weed the ones that are relationship worthy and the ones that aren't? Asking questions is an important thing but there should be signs that will help us, no?
counterman Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Hmmm, I don't like that too. If a girl seems really indecisive and uncertain about being a relationship with me, then I would just leave. It's normal to have doubts but I am not going to stick around knowing that she is possibly thinking of looking for someone better, someone she does want a relationship with. I don't know about signs but asking is always straight to the point. I think less interest (compared to you) about the prospect of a relationship and about the other person may be a sign.
USMCHokie Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Hmmm, I don't like that too. If a girl seems really indecisive and uncertain about being a relationship with me, then I would just leave. It's normal to have doubts but I am not going to stick around knowing that she is possibly thinking of looking for someone better, someone she does want a relationship with. I don't know about signs but asking is always straight to the point. I think less interest (compared to you) about the prospect of a relationship and about the other person may be a sign. +1,000,000. Wishy-washy-ness in general is a huge turnoff for me, and I'd rather not waste my or her time with something that she's not into...but this is generally only after we'd been dating for a little while...I don't expect a girl to be 100% committed halfway through the first date...that's just ridiculous... ...more like three-quarters of the way through the first date...at least...
marsle85 Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Something I've learned is words are words. Actions are truth. I try to take whatever any romantic interest says and throw it out the window. Words are often spewed from the fountain of lust/romance. That fountain goes dry. Then, try to look at his actions logically.
counterman Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Something I've learned is words are words. Actions are truth. I try to take whatever any romantic interest says and throw it out the window. Words are often spewed from the fountain of lust/romance. That fountain goes dry. Then, try to look at his actions logically. Couldn't agree more with this. I have heard the words "I do want to be with you" so many times, without any actions backing it up, that I discount them when I hear them. Most decidedly, it is the actions that matter.
ADF Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Yeah, women do it too. But men do it more. There really is no way to find out what a man's intentions are except by confronting the issue directly. For many men--I want to say most men--having a GF is not the ideal. Having a FWB is the ideal. In a FWB relationship, a man gets everything he gets by having a GF, but with no strings--the ultimate win/win situation for him. Many men will try for FWB is they can get it, and settle for having a GF if they can't.
threebyfate Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 I guess what I'm saying is, what can we do as individuals that we can easily weed the ones that are relationship worthy and the ones that aren't? Asking questions is an important thing but there should be signs that will help us, no?A painful lesson I learned is that it's a combination of words and actions. Whenever you see conflict of the two, this should be a major red flag. Say his words are ambiguous but he "acts" like a b/f, he's not committed. If his words are definitive but his actions are different, he's not committed. If his words and actions are definitive, both stating the same thing, then the chance is greater there's no internal conflict aka he's not b/sing either you or even himself.
paleblue Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Something I've learned is words are words. Actions are truth. I try to take whatever any romantic interest says and throw it out the window. Words are often spewed from the fountain of lust/romance. the fountain of spew.. its true tho. i also used to get hung up on what spewed from peoples mouths quite often. i took them at their word. but then their actions told a different story. took awhile for this concept to click being the visual creature i am. A painful lesson I learned is that it's a combination of words and actions. Whenever you see conflict of the two, this should be a major red flag. so true.. so true... im beginning to think this is how players work. they prey on someone who relies on words rather than actions, which makes it easier to play you.
Fouts Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 If you have good intuition and gut instinct, you'll know. Most have some level of it, but just choose to ignore what it's telling them. Reading people is a gift for some, but can still be developed in others. Work on it, be true to yourself about what you're reading and you won't feel so much like you're getting played.
Disillusioned Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 The downside of asking straight out is that you'll find yourself sifting through an awful lot of players and some jerks before you chance to meet a man who's not afraid of commitment---and has enough backbone to hear a woman say the same thing to his face.
make me believe Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Say his words are ambiguous but he "acts" like a b/f, he's not committed. If his words are definitive but his actions are different, he's not committed. Totally. I think a lot of people overlook your first point. There are so many situations where a girl says the guy won't SAY he's her bf, but he "acts" like a bf would. If a guy won't SAY THE WORDS, he's not committed/interested in being your boyfriend. Words and actions have to match up, otherwise they are meaningless. IMO when a guy says "we'll see where things go..." he wants to keep you around as a back up, but doesn't want to commit to you just in case something better comes along. I'd get rid of a guy like that ASAP.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 26, 2010 Author Posted March 26, 2010 the fountain of spew.. its true tho. i also used to get hung up on what spewed from peoples mouths quite often. i took them at their word. but then their actions told a different story. took awhile for this concept to click being the visual creature i am. I was the same way, I use to be able to take every guy's word to heart because I was gullible and I didn't have much dating experience to differentiate between bsers and the genuine ones. So I ended playing tag. Nowadays, I don't have time to play cop and robbers. If they feel like saying " we'll see where things go" I offer them a bottle of water because I know for certain they said the words more than enough to need to wash out their mouths.
crosswordfiend Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 While in general it's better to pick up on red flags early on, there is a danger that taken too far you will become so guarded that you don't let anyone in.
threebyfate Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 IMO when a guy says "we'll see where things go..." he wants to keep you around as a back up, but doesn't want to commit to you just in case something better comes along. I'd get rid of a guy like that ASAP.At the very most, he's using a "prove to me you're worth it" statement, which is a joke if you think about it. If he needs you to prove to be worthwhile, he's got some big ego, hence I agree, ditch-worthy material.
tami-chan Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 +1,000,000. Wishy-washy-ness in general is a huge turnoff for me, and I'd rather not waste my or her time with something that she's not into...but this is generally only after we'd been dating for a little while...I don't expect a girl to be 100% committed halfway through the first date...that's just ridiculous... ...more like three-quarters of the way through the first date...at least... Ahh... I agree! The moment my wishy-washy-ness radar goes off about a guy----I am gone---still nice to him but gone...ugh...huge turn off!
troggleputty Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 I guess what I'm saying is, what can we do as individuals that we can easily weed the ones that are relationship worthy and the ones that aren't? Asking questions is an important thing but there should be signs that will help us, no? Here are some pointers, although expecting the weeding out process to be "easy" is unrealistic: 1. Do they have personal integrity? (E.g. do they lie, cheat, shirk responsibilities, blame others, etc.?) 2. Are they gainfully employed/ in school, or both? 3. Do they adhere to their responsibilities? Financially and otherwise? 4. Do they have any kind of a criminal record? A couple of petty offenses might not be a big deal...but watch out anyway. 5. Do they get along at least reasonably well with most other family members, such as parents, siblings, etc.? 6. Do they have a history of substance abuse problems or actively abuse substances (alcohol, drugs, etc.?) 7. Do they have a history of mental illness or serious psychological problems? 8. What is their prior "track record" in previous relationships? (e.g. divorces, cheating, abusive, etc.) 9. Do they have any STDs? 10. Are they prone to religious or political fanatacism? 11. Are they warm and kind hearted? 12. Are their close family members dysfunctional and nutty or does the family seem reasonably well-adjusted? Good luck. Like I said expecting it to be easy is probably not very realistic. Maybe the best thing to do to find someone relationship-worthy, is to try to be relationship-worthy onesself.
Pizzaman81 Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 To me, wishy-washy means THEY are not interested, so I run... run into the sunset. Wait, and strike on another one.
skydiveaddict Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 To me, wishy-washy means THEY are not interested, so I run... run into the sunset. Wait, and strike on another one. I still cant find my mullet
tami-chan Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 I still cant find my mullet nooooooooooooo....not that mullet again!
skydiveaddict Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 nooooooooooooo....not that mullet again! ok no more mullet jokes
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