Lights Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 I've recently read a couple posts about women flirting with shy men. My question is this: When is shyness or apparently shy action considered attractive? I'm asking mainly because I've never had any shy behavior of my own rewarded in any way, and suddenly I hear from someone I was speaking with earlier tonight that apparent shyness on their part actually got them a positive response from a woman.
USMCHokie Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 I've recently read a couple posts about women flirting with shy men. My question is this: When is shyness or apparently shy action considered attractive? It's not the shyness itself that's attractive...it's the man who is physically attractive...shy guys who get action get it because they're hot...and that just plays into the dark/mysterious brooding attitude that girls dig... If you are ugly and shy...FAIL...
ADF Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Not often. This is not because shyness is such a bad trait in and of itself. It is because shyness can be mistaken for indifference, arrogance, or aloofness. Don't feel too bad about being a little shy. It usually goes with caring about how you treat people. Menhave been WAY oversold on "confidence," this idea that you have to confident all the time or women will reject you. Bull. Any man who projects confidence all the time is poser.
cashew Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 I've recently read a couple posts about women flirting with shy men. My question is this: When is shyness or apparently shy action considered attractive? I'm asking mainly because I've never had any shy behavior of my own rewarded in any way, and suddenly I hear from someone I was speaking with earlier tonight that apparent shyness on their part actually got them a positive response from a woman. If by shy you mean introverted... Well, I'm drawn to more introverted men because they intrigue me. I'm more extroverted myself by the way. Shy implies timidity. I find that unattractive in anyone, lol. What's there to be afraid of?
SaintDragon Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 If you are ugly and shy...FAIL... If you're ugly and shy like me, then people just consider you strange and a complete loss. I'm a lot better on the shy part though...I'm going around people a ton more than I did and not giving a hick about what I look like..screw it..I'm ugly and proud of it;)
Author Lights Posted March 26, 2010 Author Posted March 26, 2010 (edited) It's not the shyness itself that's attractive...it's the man who is physically attractive...shy guys who get action get it because they're hot...and that just plays into the dark/mysterious brooding attitude that girls dig... If you are ugly and shy...FAIL... That's what I didn't understand. The guy in question didn't seem to be anything that special looks-wise IMO. I was just shocked and baffled at how it was that his behavior was received positively. Not often. This is not because shyness is such a bad trait in and of itself. It is because shyness can be mistaken for indifference, arrogance, or aloofness. Don't feel too bad about being a little shy. It usually goes with caring about how you treat people. Menhave been WAY oversold on "confidence," this idea that you have to confident all the time or women will reject you. Bull. Any man who projects confidence all the time is poser. I agree that men have been oversold on confidence (I especially have been stuck in the the catch-22 of trying to develop confidence without the advantage of any actual success). But I wasn't really trying to talk about any shyness of my own (I overcame it many years ago via a self-imposed "forced march" of mass numbers of approaches; it worked in that it got me accustomed to approaching people, but it was at the cost of a lot of pain and anger). It was just the idea that shy behavior actually got a positive response for other people (even as it never got a thing for me) that I'm curious about; I'm left wondering what makes the difference between shyness that is viewed positively vs. shyness that is viewed negatively. If by shy you mean introverted... Well, I'm drawn to more introverted men because they intrigue me. I'm more extroverted myself by the way. Shy implies timidity. I find that unattractive in anyone, lol. What's there to be afraid of? Thanks for your explanation, Cashew. Edited March 26, 2010 by Lights
bac Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 If you're ugly and shy like me, then people just consider you strange and a complete loss. I'm a lot better on the shy part though...I'm going around people a ton more than I did and not giving a hick about what I look like..screw it..I'm ugly and proud of it;) You believe that you are ugly but IRL you may be an attractive man. You can not be all over ugly, it is impossible. There should be attractive things about you as well. As a girl, I like shy guys if they are attractive or not attractive.
marsle85 Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Shy guys never win IMO. The experience I have with them is the initial "mysterious/quiet" intrigue, he's shy... followed by a little pursuit by me...he's shy... continue with another outreach...he's shy. This makes me feel unwanted and annoying. I'm a girl, I want to be pursued. These things never last. Be aggressive, drop the shyness.
crfsti Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Shy guys never win IMO. The experience I have with them is the initial "mysterious/quiet" intrigue, he's shy... followed by a little pursuit by me...he's shy... continue with another outreach...he's shy. This makes me feel unwanted and annoying. I'm a girl, I want to be pursued. These things never last. Be aggressive, drop the shyness. It's sad but true. I'm one of those "shy/nice guys" and it has got me nowhere with the ladies. I'm 26 and haven't even kissed a girl yet and it is always in the back of my mind bothering me, and I have even been told by a dozen or so people that I look a lot like Tom Cruise which you'd think would help me right? Wrong! But it's tough for me to break out of my shell, and when I do, it's always too little too late....I feel now...
VertexSquared Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Not often. This is not because shyness is such a bad trait in and of itself. It is because shyness can be mistaken for indifference, arrogance, or aloofness. Don't feel too bad about being a little shy. It usually goes with caring about how you treat people. Menhave been WAY oversold on "confidence," this idea that you have to confident all the time or women will reject you. Bull. Any man who projects confidence all the time is poser. As a pretty shy guy myself, I think this is pretty accurate. People like it when others are very warm and personable, and while I am capable of acting this way, it's really hard to do with people I've just met or don't know very well. Shyness probably tends to send the wrong signals. Although if a girl were giving me signals of interest, my shyness tends to die out pretty damn fast. But until that happens, I'm pretty distant. As a result, it can be difficult to make that initial connection. The whole "if you're good looking and shy -> success" thing is also potentially suspect. I've been told I'm good looking, but I am also shy and yet have relatively minimal success (technically no success, but then again I also haven't been putting myself out there hardcore, either).
counterman Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 One of my friends is really shy. And, when he plucked up the courage to ask this girl out to a formal event, she thought it was too cute to resist. I agree to an extent with marsle. Initially, there's a bit of mystery but, afterwards, if it seems as though the guy isn't making much effort at conversation and is just really quiet and introverted then it isn't really attractive.
O'Malley Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 This is not because shyness is such a bad trait in and of itself. It is because shyness can be mistaken for indifference, arrogance, or aloofness. Men have been WAY oversold on "confidence," this idea that you have to confident all the time or women will reject you. Bull. Any man who projects confidence all the time is poser. People like it when others are very warm and personable, and while I am capable of acting this way, it's really hard to do with people I've just met or don't know very well. Shyness probably tends to send the wrong signals. Both comments are true. It takes more time and initiative to get to know shy or introverted (they're not always mutually inclusive) individuals. They find it more difficult to be 'on' or genuinely themselves in social situations, and if someone is used to being pursued, an introverted guy may come across as disinterested. Shyness or introversion is often correlated to insecurity, indifference, etc.
Marek Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 My question is this: When is shyness or apparently shy action considered attractive? Average-looking shy men generally get attention from only certain women: unattractive women. On the other hand, hot-and-buff shy men generally get attention from certain other types of women: hot women. However, in both cases, from my experiences both first-hand and as a 3rd party, the attraction doesn't last long. This is because shyness is a euphemism for the following: insecure, passive, scared, low self-esteem. Basically, it's everything that women hate. Women want their men to BE men: secure, assertive, brave, and to have self-worth. Without these traits, guys are destined to a sex life consisting primarily of voyeurism and masturbation. What exacerbates these guys' problems is that they often get kicked when they're are already down. No doubt you know some shy guys at school and/or work. Do they get shown much respect from women (or men, for that matter)? No, of course they don't. For the most part they get walked over, taken advantage of and bullied. And who's attracted to the downtrodden? Nobody. Being shy is just a major turn-off and has absolutely no positives. You feel like sh*t and other people treat you like sh*t. To the shy guys: Break out it while you still can, or you'll live a life of solitude with Carpel Tunnel Syndrome from too much jerkin'!
AD1980 Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Shy guys never win IMO. The experience I have with them is the initial "mysterious/quiet" intrigue, he's shy... followed by a little pursuit by me...he's shy... continue with another outreach...he's shy. This makes me feel unwanted and annoying. I'm a girl, I want to be pursued. These things never last. Be aggressive, drop the shyness. The whole being pursued thing is tricky becasue if you show to much interest in a girl you hardly know isnt that pretty desperate and creepy? Obviously if you find soembody attratcive let thme know you are interested but wooing soemobdy you hardly know as a person is a little much
zebracolors Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 The whole being pursued thing is tricky becasue if you show to much interest in a girl you hardly know isnt that pretty desperate and creepy? Obviously if you find soembody attratcive let thme know you are interested but wooing soemobdy you hardly know as a person is a little much Confidence is attractive yes, but with the right balance of humility, you shouldn't seem like a poser. I can see how a guy being shy might be mistaken for non-interest. But I suppose it's like the proverbial catch 22. As a woman I kind of agree with Marsle and AD, in that if a guy ever was interested in me again, but he tended to be shy I would hope he'd find the courage to say something.
AD1980 Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Average-looking shy men generally get attention from only certain women: unattractive women. On the other hand, hot-and-buff shy men generally get attention from certain other types of women: hot women. However, in both cases, from my experiences both first-hand and as a 3rd party, the attraction doesn't last long. This is because shyness is a euphemism for the following: insecure, passive, scared, low self-esteem. Basically, it's everything that women hate. Women want their men to BE men: secure, assertive, brave, and to have self-worth. Without these traits, guys are destined to a sex life consisting primarily of voyeurism and masturbation. What exacerbates these guys' problems is that they often get kicked when they're are already down. No doubt you know some shy guys at school and/or work. Do they get shown much respect from women (or men, for that matter)? No, of course they don't. For the most part they get walked over, taken advantage of and bullied. And who's attracted to the downtrodden? Nobody. Being shy is just a major turn-off and has absolutely no positives. You feel like sh*t and other people treat you like sh*t. To the shy guys: Break out it while you still can, or you'll live a life of solitude with Carpel Tunnel Syndrome from too much jerkin'! Being quiet doesnt automatically mena you're a shy timid wimp and being loud doesnt automatically mean you're a in control confident guy.. Unfortunately women automatically assume loudest guy in the room is confident quiet guy is not..
ledzepp Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Well look being shy and being introverted different. I used to be shy and introverted, but eventually I conquered my shyness but can still be introverted at times. I find that nowadays just being positive and having an "I don't care" attitude has attracted girls.
aerogurl87 Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 My boyfriend isn't necessarily shy, but more introverted I guess you can say. And to be honest that's what grabbed my attention initially because I like the quiet guys who don't talk much at the beginning. Usually they're more interesting when you get to know them. Plus, he's sort of a geek, so that gives him bonus points, but that's for another thread...
boogieboy Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Unless youre good looking, shy isnt going to save you the trouble of having to do the work to appraoch women. If youre too shy to approach women, then you will have to get over that and man up.
Star Gazer Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 My question is this: When is shyness or apparently shy action considered attractive? When? When the female in question is under the age of 13. After that, never.
stillafool Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 I've recently read a couple posts about women flirting with shy men. My question is this: When is shyness or apparently shy action considered attractive? I'm asking mainly because I've never had any shy behavior of my own rewarded in any way, and suddenly I hear from someone I was speaking with earlier tonight that apparent shyness on their part actually got them a positive response from a woman. Absolutely! Shy men are a turn on to me. I can't stand loud, obnoxious, attention seeking men. I find a shy man much more mysterious and sexual.
Marek Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 Being quiet doesnt automatically mena you're a shy timid wimp and being loud doesnt automatically mean you're a in control confident guy.. Unfortunately women automatically assume loudest guy in the room is confident quiet guy is not.. I didn't write that being shy means you're quiet, or that being loud means you're confident. You can pretty much spot a shy guy in social situations without even talking to him; body language gives it all away. Shyness is in no way whatsoever a virtue. Just look at the oh-so-many threads on here about guys who are still virgins or haven't ever had a girlfriend. The majority of these guys are self-proclaimed shy dudes.
sagetalk Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 Shyness in men is almost always looked poorly upon in a women's eyes. There are girls that like it, but they are few in number. They are mostly girls who are less/"not at all" sexually active. The more sexually active a girl is, the more likely she wants nothing to do with a shy guy. When you hit late 20's and older the dating pool of women that are not aggressively, sexually active is very small. That's why wide shouldered, aggressive, wall bangers do great, and shy, smaller, guys do badly (amounge a few other reasons) in dating. Does that shock you? It shouldn't. The reason they aren't attractive has mostly to do with sex. It's really that simple. As I think of the relationship/dating problems on this board, it astounds me how many times the ultimate reason behind the problem is sex. It really hits home just how shallow and meaningless so many people's relationships are. Based purely on feelings/emotions, rather than substantive values such as trust, truth, integrity, honor, and commitment. Disgusting .
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