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Posted

Hey

 

So my ex and I of 3 years broke up in October...we have maintained very low contact (contact once every 3/4 weeks- saw him twice) since we broke up... mostly all contact initiated by him.

 

We broke up due to not being on the same page with commitment... I never thought I'd be in this position since we had the best 3 years together... even his friends thought we would be married one day.

 

I love him very much and obviously miss him.... and honestly I really want to get him back. I really believe that we can work things out.. but it does take two people for that to happen.

 

Because I've gone LC I feel that this might be too late...Am I too late? Is it too late to work things out??!

 

It would be great to hear a few success stories ;)

Posted

Because I've gone LC I feel that this might be too late...Am I too late? Is it too late to work things out??!

 

I feel that it's never too late to work things out, but it can certainly be too soon to work things out...obviously there was an incompatibility between the two of you (commitment)...and whether it is due to timing, external circumstances, or just conflicting personalities, that issue MUST be resolved before a second chance could ever work...and this requires each of you to live life on your own and figure out what each of you wants...perhaps over time your ex will change and realize he wants the same thing as you do...and if that day ever comes, then that would be when you could give a second chance a try...but if what he wants never parallels what you want, there is no sense in trying again with him...

 

But these changes cannot happen while you're still in each other's lives...even if it's very limited...he has to go on living his life without you, just as you need to go on living life without him...only then can you really know what you want...without being influenced by him...

 

 

My advice...? LC --> NC...

 

 

It would be great to hear a few success stories ;)

 

 

"Success stories" aren't going to help you.

Posted

Great advice, USMChokie!

Posted

I agree, it is never too late if people truly care and have feelings but it can be too soon.

 

USMChokie pretty much hit the nail on the head so I can't really add much more.

Posted

Very few relationships ever work out going back, with the stress on very extremely high.

 

There's a reason it ends, because one half just doesn't want to be with the other anymore. You're going to hear every reason (excuse) of why you're not together except the real one, they're not interested in being with you anymore.

 

Move forward in life hun, you're never going to get anywere going backwards.

Posted

You've got to create your own success story independant of anyone else.

Posted
I feel that it's never too late to work things out, but it can certainly be too soon to work things out

 

This is a big pile of hope monster bait right here. While I agree with this, how many people will hang their hat on this and sit around for years?

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Posted

I agree with what everyone is saying- I mean I only want to get back together with my ex but only if things will have changed- I mean there would be no point in getting back together if things haven't changed...

 

I just am having trouble understanding how people tell you they "love you" one day and the next day things are over..

 

I can't help but to wonder if he thinks about me... I'm doing by best not to contact him and it's taking muscle in my body to hold myself back from going to his place (he lives 20 min away).

 

I'm doing better but just going through a bad spell lately (our birthdays are coming up).

Posted
This is a big pile of hope monster bait right here. While I agree with this, how many people will hang their hat on this and sit around for years?

 

 

And I totally agree with the point you're making here. This can be too easily miscontrued to mean that one should hang onto a slim hope and not move forward in their life. But I honestly believe that you never leave the too soon period until you've actually moved on from the person you once loved...and I want to make a clear distinction between that person and the person she has now become...you almost have to treat a second chance as a new beginning with a completely new person...free from the issues of the past...and if those issues still exist, they must be resolved before reconciliation is possible...

 

So that is how I'd reconcile your point...

Posted

I know that my story is very unique and should not be generalized in any way but it is true.

 

I broke up with my ex of 3 years in 10/2008 (yes, 2008!), tried to be "friends" for one year and told her I couldn't because it was too painful and went NC in 10/2009. We would still see either other professionally 1-2x a month, but with no chit chat and she was pissed I went NC.

 

Finally, two weeks ago, I was at her office two days in a row, had short, but great convos. The third day I saw her in court, asked her for lunch, we went the next day, talked about how much we cared for each other and went out last Friday and we are back together. We went from never speaking to seeing each other every day in a heartbeat.

 

This is not a typical story but NC DID show her what life was without me and I believe it was a factor. BUT, in the meantime I had to work on me and assume she was NEVER coming back. Either way, I would be fine.

 

I have no problem reaching out to an ex if there is something left unsaid by you, as opposed to you trying to find some closure or convince them they were wrong. But once you've said your peace, you need to put it down, accept that it might be the end and work on you. Don't put your life on hold for anyone!

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Posted

That's a really nice story- I'm really happy for you and I hope things work out.

 

As for myself, I just wish I could understand his thinking or reasoning. Even if it's just that his feelings have changed...

 

For some reason I just thought we would end up together and I still can't shake that feeling... logically I guess I can but not deep down inside of me...

Posted
That's a really nice story- I'm really happy for you and I hope things work out.

 

As for myself, I just wish I could understand his thinking or reasoning. Even if it's just that his feelings have changed...

 

For some reason I just thought we would end up together and I still can't shake that feeling... logically I guess I can but not deep down inside of me...

 

We all feel this way, more or less. That's why it's so hard. When it's a one way street, it's a terrible feeling.

Posted (edited)
That's a really nice story- I'm really happy for you and I hope things work out.

 

As for myself, I just wish I could understand his thinking or reasoning. Even if it's just that his feelings have changed...

 

For some reason I just thought we would end up together and I still can't shake that feeling... logically I guess I can but not deep down inside of me...

 

Join the club....same with wondering how someone can say they love you but not even want to work things out, especially when they make their issues with the relationship/you aware near the end when it is too late.

 

It sucks when you know things can work out and the changes needed would not be hard to implement (most issues come from either immaturity or bad communication between the two people) but the other person has shut the door. I have that with this ex of mine and I know if she'd just have an open mind and not view me as the failed relationship guy from 80 decades ago and realize we've matured that we could be good together and be very happy...but she seems to simply refuse to see this. Sadly though, we can't make people do what we want so I just have to keep shaking my head when I think about what she is missing out on because of her apparent black & white mentality. Hell, it makes me actually start to chuckle when I think about it because that is how confident I am that it'd work out now and how much fun we'd have. With her, I doubt things would have worked out if we tried again early after the break-up (still too much immaturity) but over the last couple years I am sure it'd have been fine since we both grew up and I am at least twice the man I was when we were together then.

Edited by Weird
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